Steven Universe AU - Planet Stranded
by Auremberite
Summary: As of now, this story is discontinued. Wouldn't recommend reading. This story follows the canon events of Steven Universe up until Jailbreak. Then, the ship crash lands. But it's not on Earth. It's on an uninhabited planet. How will the seven gems get along? No cussing or suggestive content, but probably violence and character crisis. That's a working title, intending to change it.
1. Crash Landing

**Author's Note: Welcome to this story (or whatever). Anyways, this story takes place in an AU in which everything is normal up until the Episode "Jailbreak". Instead of going back to Earth, the seven gems find themselves stranded on an island, unable to escape. Going to try to balance action, emotion, and humor. Let's begin, shall we? Starting off on the green hand ship thing yo.**

Steven: I can barely breathe. My lungs gasp for air. I run down the neon green corridors alongside Pearl and Amethyst. Garnet is battling Jasper. If she loses… no. She won't. I'm sure of it. We run down hallway after hallway, looking for the control room. We have to get back to Earth. I look through an open doorway and find Peridot at the control hub. "Guys, over here!" I whisper. They look back at me and nod. We sprint into the room. Peridot gasps, and grabs a golden, sparking rod – Jasper had called it a gem destabilizer – and thrust it at me. I caught it with my bare hands. Since I was half human, they didn't work on me. That's how I'd escaped, too. A look of panic spread across her face. I pushed her back, and she fell onto the control panel. The ship quickly spun around. I couldn't tell what direction we were in any more. Warning lights blared. We were crashing. I glanced out of the window, and saw us quickly speeding towards Earth. Using this as a distraction, Peridot activated an escape pod and flew down to that planet ahead of us. I looked at Amethyst and Pearl. They looked as scared as I was. "Garnet?" I quietly asked. Pearl shook her head. "There isn't any time. I'm sorry, Steven. We just have to hope for the best." She said. I hugged the two gems and hid us in a bubble. I felt a huge crash, felt the floor shatter. I heard the rushing of water, but we were safe in my bubble.

I opened my eyes. We were underwater. Rubble surrounded us. I released the bubble. We swam upwards. The gems may not need oxygen, but I did. I wasn't going to make it. I started to close my eyes. I was sinking. I could make out the silhouettes of the two gems on the surface. At least they would survive. I suddenly felt the water push me upwards. I broke the surface, gasping for air. I kneeled down on the sandy beach, spluttering. "Steven! Are you okay?" I hear Pearl call to me. "Yeah. What happened?" I ask. "Lapis saved you." Pearl replied, pulling me into a hug. I looked around for Lapis. I saw her on the beach, about twenty feet away, her arm trapped in Jasper's hand.

"Lapis!" I cry. Amethyst has to hold me back. "Listen Lazuli, fuse with me." Jasper yells. Lapis wearily looks up at her, shocked. "What?" she asks. She's badly hurt already. She didn't have my bubble when the ship crashed. "Together, we can beat them!" Jasper yelled, pulling Lapis closer. Lapis flinched. Jasper dropped her onto the sandy beach. "N… No." Lapis stutters. "What?" Jasper demands. "You heard me. I won't do it!" Lapis yells, weakly standing up. Jasper grabs her by the arm, and slams her onto the ground. Lapis cries out in pain. "Listen up Lazuli. I didn't pose that as a question." Jasper yells, putting a foot on Lapis' back. "I won't do it!" Lapis yells back. Jasper glowers at her. "So be it." She says. She presses her foot down, and an audible crack rings throughout the beach. Lapis screams. "Her gem." I whisper. Jasper relieves the pressure a bit, although not enough for it to be comfortable. "So, what do you say? Even if you don't care about yourself, and I can't say I wouldn't blame you, I'll just do the same to the others until they're all shattered. So will you fuse with me?" Jasper asks, malice layered in her grin. "I'll do it." Lapis whispers. Jasper crudely yanks her up. Lapis' crack isn't that deep, but if I couldn't heal it, it'd become fatal. Jasper twirled Lapis around, carefully guiding her through the steps. I noticed tears dripping down Lapis' face. Would she be okay? They started to glow…

A large green gem appeared before us. "Malachite." Pearl whispers. The green gem is clearly struggling to stay together. "Stay down, runt." "No! I can do this! I will do this!" Jasper and Lapis were battling for dominance. Large water hands started to rise from the ocean. They grabbed Malachite's wrists, shackling her. They tried to pull her into the sea, but Malachite was too strong for that. "You think you can beat me?" "No, but I can try!" I heard a rustling in the bushes. I saw the glint of a dark pink gauntlet. It must be Garnet. I make eye contact with her. She darts out from the undergrowth, and sprints straight for Malachite. She punches her in the jaw, sending her flying into the ocean. The chains do the rest of the work. Malachite disappears into the sea.

I rush over to the edge of the beach. "Garnet?" I ask, apprehensive. She smiles back at me. "It's okay Steven. We're safe now." She says. Amethyst and Pearl run over. "Garnet! You're okay!" Pearl exclaims. She smiles. "Yeah. But things could've gone a lot better." We're silent for a moment. "So… where are we?" Amethyst asks. "Let's walk around for a bit. We start to walk down the beach.

This place is like nowhere I've ever been. It's a small island, about two miles wide. It's shaped like an "H", but if the upper left-hand side was bent to the left. The beach runs along the entire perimeter of the island, except for where the ship crash landed. The blast must've blown away that part of the island, and so now it was an inlet with cliffs surrounding it. It was quite beautiful, really. Except we were trapped here. After making a full loop around the island, we decide to stay in the upper right hand part of the "H". Up there, it's partially plains, and we found wild foods there. I'm going to need to eat at some point, so I'll start a farm there if worst comes to worst. We find the highest point of the plains, and set up camp. What that means is that we all lay down in a circle and try to sleep. Not that it helps.

Garnet looks off into the distance. "Hey, Garnet. What's up?" I ask, giving a small smile. "I'm going to travel tonight to see how far away land is. I'll try to bring a boat back for you, Steven." She says. I nod, and she walks off into the sea. Maybe I'll see my friends again tomorrow.

No such luck. In the middle of the night, Garnet comes back to camp soaking wet. "Garnet! Did you find land?" I hear Pearl whisper. They think I'm happily sleeping. How could I? "No… I went in one direction for miles, but I just ended up back on this island." Garnet says. I hear Pearl gasp. "So… what does that mean again?" Amethyst asks. "It means that we're not on Earth. We're all alone on this planet with no way of ever getting back." Garnet says.


	2. Unfused

**A/N: It's hard to explain the island, but I have it drawn out in MS Paint. Man, do I have some crazy plot events for you.**

Peridot: After a week on this biosphere, I have concluded that I am not on Earth. The soil is made of a different composition, and the plants are much more diverse. It seems to lack any native inhabitants. I guess that's us now. We're the only ones here. The island is outlined with a golden, seashell littered, sandy beach. However, about fifty feet in is a jungle. I'm not sure how big it is, or how the terrain varies, but that's not my problem. I have to find a way to contact Homeworld immediately.

I walk onto the beach, looking for land in the distance. I find nothing. I'm about to head back to the escape pod, when the waters around me suddenly flash green. I run back to the edge of the forest, terrified. Only a gem could make that kind of light. The water starts to tremble. The surface starts to break, and I see – my fellow Homeworld gems? Jasper is dragging Lapis, whose gem is badly cracked. I want to run over to them, but I think that it's better to stay hidden at the moment.

Jasper throws Lazuli on the ground, but still holds her arm. Lazuli blinks her eyes open. "You. You're going to pay for this." Jasper growls. Lazuli struggles, but Jasper putters her foot on Lapis' back, effectively pinning her. "You thought that you could stop me. You maybe even thought that you could hurt me. Well, you were wrong, and you'll pay for it dearly. And now I'll be the one hurting you. I'll shatter you for this." Lazuli trembles, tears streaming down her face. She stays silent, though. I admire her courage, but Jasper is simply stronger than her.

Lapis is strong, but I'm weak. How can I just watch her get shattered? I ask myself. She's willing to stay strong until death, and I'm so weak that I'll watch it happen. I could save her. I have to. I don't know what she's done, but she doesn't deserve this. Jasper lifts her foot over Lazuli's teardrop-shaped gem. My time is running out. I sprint out of the bushes, yelling, "Hey, Jasper! Pick on someone your own size!" She looks over at me just as I tackle her to the ground. We fall to the ground, and she quickly spins me over and pins me. I'm in trouble. Suddenly, a wave of water washes over my head, throwing Jasper back into the ocean. I look up. It's Lapis. She's standing up, her legs wobbling, controlling two large water hands. She's horribly injured. She has a black eye, a deep gash on her calf, and her right palm has a huge scratch through it so she can't even move that hand at all. She even has a burn mark on her face from when the ship exploded. Suddenly, her eyes flash, and she falls to the ground. I run over to her. "Lazuli!" I look at her gem. It's almost completely cracked.

Lapis Lazuli: I can barely breathe. It's like someone is stabbing my chest. It's my gem, and I know it. If only Steven could heal it… but I don't know where he is, and I'm too badly hurt to move. I feel my body break the surface of the water, my legs dragging across the sand. I feel a sharp pain in my calf as my legs are roughly pulled across a sharp rock. I try to cry out, but I can barely move. I feel a dull pain in my chest, and we stop moving. Jasper must've dropped me. I can vaguely hear her words. "…stop me…hurting you…shattered…" I tremble. She can't shatter me, not here, not like this. I know the final blow is coming. I suddenly feel Jasper's weight leave my body. I look up. I see Jasper far away from me, standing on something green. My vision is too blurry to tell what. I hate Jasper with all my heart. She made me hate myself. I'll never forgive her. My rage accumulates, and I see her slowly disappear. I hated being fused with her. It was like prison. How long have I been laying on the ground? I can barely hear, see, feel. "Lazuli? Lapis Lazuli?" I hear a voice. I black out.

Peridot: Lazuli suddenly fell over and didn't move. She's not shattered, but she's very close. I didn't know what to do. Hadn't she been healed before? I think she'd said something about it when I'd interrogated her. She'd said that it was a Rose Quartz gem. The one we'd captured. He had to be on this island, too! My limb enhancers were badly damaged. They could possibly manage a few more flights, though. I had to try.

After two days, I'd finally found his base camp. They were staying in a clearing with a fire pit. It wasn't much, but then again, I wasn't any better off than they were. I waited in the forest by their clearing until the "Steven" went into the woods to go to "the bathroom", whatever that meant. He walked past me, and once his back was turned, I pounced. I used my left limb enhancer to knock him unconscious. He gave a tiny yelp. I knew the Crystal Gems would be here any second. I grabbed him, and flew off across the island. Back to Lazuli.

Steven woke up once we were almost home. Luckily, I'd had the foresight to blindfold him with some large leaves. "Uhhh… hey… friend. Where are you taking me? Also who are you? I should really prioritize my questions better." The Steven said. "I need you to fix some… thing. As for who I am, it's of no matter to you. I'll return you once your job is done. I won't hurt you if you do it right." I replied. I heard him sigh. "How much longer will that be?" he asks, tired. It was a little past midnight. "We're here." I say, touching down on the beach where Lazuli laid. "Alright, now heal it. I'll guide you." I say. He licks his hand, and I guide his arm to Lazuli's gem. It starts to glow blue. The cracks are gone. I sigh in relief. "Can I go now?" he asks. How was I going to get him back? The flight would take a half hour there, a half hour back. What if Lazuli woke up before then? I flew Steven ten minutes into the forest. "Head northeast, and you'll reach your friends." I say, quickly heading back to Lapis Lazuli. Nothing else mattered. I needed her. Why, though? I didn't know.

Lapis Lazuli: I blink my eyes open. The pain in my back has stopped. I can breathe. I'm alive. I look around, and find myself on a sandy beach. "Where… am I?" I murmur to myself. "Oh, hey, you're awake." A voice says. I whirl my head around to face… Peridot? "You!" I exclaim, backing away. "Lazuli. Good to see that you're not shattered." Peridot says, not looking up. She's tinkering with her limb enhancers. She looks so… harmless… without them on. "What do you want? Are you going to punish me for what I did to Jasper? Do you want to fuse too?" I ask, curling into a ball. Peridot looks up. "Why would I hurt you? I was the one who saved you. Wait, back up. Fusion?" Peridot asks, confused. I blush. "Never mind."

Peridot shrugs. "Whatever. Now that you're awake, maybe you can help me." She says. "Why would I ever help you?" I ask, turning my head away. "Let's see. Maybe because I saved you from being shattered, healed your gem, and didn't try to… what was it that you said? Ah, yes, I didn't try to fuse with you. Besides, I'm the only one you have left." Peridot says, looking me dead in the eyes. She makes a fair point. "Aughhh!" I cry out inn frustration. I just want to be alone. Homeworld would have me dead for what I did to Jasper. I can't go back. But I have nowhere else to go.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?" I ask, turning away. "Uh… I wasn't really sure. I was going to talk it out with you, but you don't seem like you're in the mood." Peridot says. I turn to the ocean, looking out over the blue sea. "Lazuli?" Peridot asks, apprehensive. "What?" I ask. "Are… you okay?" Peridot asks. Does she… actually care about me? No, she's just worried that her only help is too weak to be of any use. "I'm fine." I snap. "You're clearly not. You look like a mess." She responds. I flinch. She sees my reaction, and hurries to clarify. "No, I didn't mean it that way. I meant that you're clearly horribly injured, and you're even more emotional than usual." She says. "I'm not badly injured." I reply. But I'm unsure. "Dude, look at yourself in a mirror or something." Peridot replies, going back to work on her limb enhancers. Mirror…

" _Tell us where the rebel base is!" the gems yell. "You know I'm not a Crystal Gem." I cry. "Does it matter? We have protocols, and we'll still follow them. You should know that, you little defect." They say. I flinch. They laugh. "Look at you. The powerful Lapis Lazuli, trapped in an easily breakable silver mirror. You can't hurt us now. You're weak, useless, and completely, utterly, trapped. Your fate lies with us. Doesn't bode well for you, defect." The gem says. She's right. I can't move. I cry out in frustration. The gem smiles at my sign of weakness. "You're a horrible person. How many did you shatter? How many did you hurt beyond repair? You're weak, cowardly, sadistic, and despicable. You deserve to die." The gem says. "I know!" I scream._

"Lazuli? Lazuli!" I blink open my eyes. I was sprawled out on the beach. Peridot was standing over me. I immediately sit up. "What… happened?" I stammer, blushing. "I don't know. You just started freaking out, screaming about how sorry you felt." Peridot says. I look away. "It was just… a flashback. I'm fine, honestly." I say. Peridot sighs. "We've been over this before. You're not fine. Look, it's getting dark, okay? I'll take you back to where I'm staying so you can rest. You need it." She says. I nod, and try to stand up. My legs are too wobbly, and I fall down. "Look, I can carry you if you need." Peridot says. "I can do this!" I say, attempting to get up again. No such luck. Peridot sighs, and picks me up, holding me between her arms. "Dude, no." I say. She sighs. "Dude', yes. You're coming with me." Peridot says. There's not much I can do about this. I'm still too weak from Malachite to do anything. I sigh. "Fine. Whatever." I say.

The first part of our trip is silent. I'd been having flashbacks for a while, I guess. But never in front of anyone. It was embarrassing. "You said before that I was hurt. What's… wrong with me?" I ask, looking away. "Nothing's wrong with you, Lazuli. You're just hurt. Can't you feel it?" Peridot asks, looking down at me. I shake my head. "You must've had some nerve damage, then. Well, for starters, your leg is injured, you have a black eye, you can't even move one of your hands, and you have a huge burn mark on your face. Is that enough for you, or shall I go on?" Peridot says. I look down at my leg, and see a long, deep gash on my calf. "I… can't feel it…" I murmur. Peridot sighs. "Yes, Lazuli. We've been over this. Nerve damage. Or has there been brain damage, too?" Peridot says, exasperated. "Ugh. Whatever. What do you care, anyways?" I ask. "I… don't… It doesn't… matter… does it? No, it… doesn't… maybe?" Peridot stutters, confused. I look away. "It doesn't matter. We're here." Peridot says, stopping at a small cave. It only went about three feet back, and wasn't big enough to stand up in. But I guess it was something. "Fine. Let me down, then." I snapped. "Alright." Peridot said, dropping me. I hit the ground with a loud thump. I laid down, exhausted. Sleep came quickly.

Steven: "Hey guys. I'm back." I said, walking into camp. Pearl ran over and hugged me. "Steven! What happened?" Pearl asks. "Someone took me and asked me to heal something. Then they dropped me off and told me how to get home." I said plainly. "Do you know who?" Amethyst asked. I shook my head. "Anyways Steven, check out your new home!" Amethyst said excitedly. I could tell that they were trying to distract me from the fact that I would never see Earth again. I smiled. "Okay!" I said, wanting to make them happy. I walked towards the edge of the woods.


	3. Talk to Each Other

**Wow. Part 3 is gonna get exciting. Hopefully. I actually have no clue. I just said that so you'd be excited. Sorry I've been focusing on the Lapis/Peridot storyline a lot. I need to have a Steven and CG side plot other than "the CG make a house and a farm and have tomatoes and berries and are happy" for the next couple chapters. Still trying to think.**

Jasper: How could this happen to me? I was a loyal quartz soldier. Now look where I was. Stuck on an unknown, uninhabited planet. "Great." I muttered to myself. Lazuli had thrown me across the ocean, landing me on the other side of the island. It was a very small planet. Right now, I was stumbling through the forest, trying to find Lapis Lazuli's whereabouts. So I could shatter her.

I was walking through the woods when I heard… laughter. I dropped down to the ground, hiding myself from view. I looked around, and saw Rose Quartz and her small army celebrating near a fragile wooden structure. Pathetic. I figured that I should stay nearby, though. I wandered around for a few minutes until I found a river leading into a waterfall, ending in a pool of water. I looked down at my clothes. They were filthy. I decided to jump into the pool to clean myself. If I was going to shatter anyone, I wanted to look nice. Nice and intimidating. As I swam in the waters, I felt a force pulling me towards the bottom of the waters. It reminded me of Malachite. I loved it. I let the water carry me down, and I was sucked into the bottom of the pool. I was dropped down into a cave. I smiled. I would stay here. They would never find me here. I closed up the entrance to my base with a large boulder. I decided to explore the cave. Who knows, maybe I'd find something that was actually useful here.

Lapis: I felt something on my hand… it felt like fire. I sat up and jerked open my eyes. I cried out in pain. Peridot was wrapping something around my palm. "What… are you doing?" I asked. "I'm bandaging your injuries. What does it look like?" She replied, uninterested. "Ah! Try to be a little gentler. It still hurts." I reply, wincing. She shrugged. "Why were you doing it when I was sleeping, anyways?" I asked. "It was the most convenient time for me. Besides, you've rested plenty." Peridot replied. I look up at the sky, and find that the sun is low to the ground. "It's barely morning." I complain. She gives a small laugh. "No, it's almost night time. You were out for almost twenty four hours, Lazuli." Peridot replied. "What? I slept through an entire day?" I ask. She finishes wrapping the bandage around my hand. "Yeah, you're a deep sleeper. Can't say I blame you, though. Not after what you went through yesterday." She says, standing back. I look down at my recently bandaged palm. "Shouldn't I be able to move my hand?" I ask. "You can't move it even without the bandage. At least now you won't hurt it more by trying." Peridot replies, walking over to her limb enhancers. She's been working on them a lot since I first woke up after being healed. "What's wrong with your limb enhancers?" I ask. She looks over at me. "They were already malfunctioning after the crash, but they finally broke when I fetched Steven to heal you." Peridot says. "Oh. Sorry." I say. She shrugs. "It doesn't matter. We're stuck here now. They wouldn't have been much help anyways." Peridot replies.

I sigh. "So… what are we going to do now?" I ask, sitting next to Peridot. She shrugs. "I'm still going to try to contact Homeworld. We have to get off this planet." Peridot says. "Even if you get off planet, I'm going to have to stay here." I say, looking away. She looks over at me. "What? No, you have to come back with me." She says. I'm touched for a second. Does she actually care about me? Apparently not. "How else am I supposed to make my report? I'm going to need all three of us back on Homeworld." Peridot says. "I can't go back! With or without Jasper, I can never go home!" I exclaim, looking over at Peridot in shock. "Why not?" Peridot asks, confused. "First of all, Jasper has tried to shatter me. Do you expect us to be on the same ship?" I angrily ask. She shrugs. "I mean, sure. Just settle your differences." Peridot says. I groan in frustration. "Even if we go back without Jasper, Homeworld will have me shattered for what I did to her." I say, thinking of Malachite. Peridot shrugs. "Well, you probably deserve it." Peridot says. "What?" I demand. "Well, even though I don't know what happened, if you did something that bad, then you deserve to be shattered." Peridot says. I'm fuming. How dare she? "You don't get it, do you? I could die because you want me back there to give a silly little report!" I yell. She shouts back, "Well, then maybe you shouldn't have hurt our guard! Who do you think you are? You're not as strong as you thought you were! You're weak!" "What do you know about strength? You're just a small, useless Peridot! You can barely function without your limb enhancers. You have no powers, no weapon, but yet you dare call me weak? I'm twice the gem you are, you defect!" At my last words, I push Peridot over into the dirt. I look down at her, and see fear in her eyes. What have I done? "I'm sorry, I…" Tears well in my eyes. Why should they? Peridot's the one who's hurt. Not me. I run into the woods.

Why am I like this? Why am I so horrible to everyone I meet? I tried to kill the Crystal Gems multiple times. I almost drowned Steven and his friend. I forced Jasper to fuse with me. I hurt Peridot with the same ugly words that had been used on me.

Peridot: I was shocked. Lazuli seemed… unstable… at the moment. I had to find out what. But why? Why should it matter to me? Did I care for her? No. I couldn't. Was it me? Had I done something that caused her harm? "You told her that she deserved to be shattered," A voice in my head said. Had I really been that mean to her? I had to find her and apologize. I ran into the woods after her.

After a few minutes of searching, I heard a quiet sobbing coming from the trees. I think that she'd flown up into one of them. I heard her murmur softly, "How am I so mean to people? I'm the defective one." A moment later, she fell out of the tree onto the ground at my feet. "Lapis? Lapis Lazuli? Are you okay?" I ask. She's unconscious.

Lapis: I sit in a tree, starting out at the forest. I have so many thoughts, but no one to tell. "How am I so mean to people? I'm the defective one." Memories swirl in and out of my mind.

 _"You're the defective one!" A small pink gem shouts at me. I have her cornered in her own ship. I grin, holding my ice knife in the light. "I'm really not, though. You see, you're too small. Too weak. Look at me. I easily trapped you. I'll easily shatter you. You're nothing. You came out wrong; you came out small." I say. I expect the gem to cry, but she doesn't. "I'm ten times stronger than you!" she yells. I walk over to her, placing my knife over her heart, right on her gem. "Then why have you lost?" I ask, grinning. "Because I'm strong in the real way." She says. Her last words._

I wake up in a cold sweat, lying on the ground. My ribs are screaming, my heart is pounding. Peridot stands over me. "Ah! I'm sorry!" I cry, squeezing my eyes shut. "Lazuli?" she softly asks, placing her hand on my shoulder. I curl up into a ball and cry the night away.

I blink tears out my eyes. The sun is rising, and I'm back at the cave with a blanket of palm fronds draped over me. I'm awake, but I don't move. Reliving my old moments… it wasn't pleasant. I'd been a monster. Being stuck in a mirror for thousands of years… it had subdued me, made me realize what I'd been. I stare out into space. I hear footsteps. It's Peridot. I hear a sigh. "Lazuli, I know you're awake. This needs to stop. You passing out every five seconds, me having to run after you and save you. We need to talk." She says. I know she's right, so I sigh, and sit up, a dull gaze in my eyes. "What do you want?" I ask.

She sighs. "You know exactly what I want, Lazuli. Start talking. Why do you keep having flashbacks?" she says. "I mean, I guess I should formally say that I'm sorry. I really am." I say, looking her in the eyes. She nods, and I continue. "I mean, I'm different from you and the other gems. You know how you've never met another Lapis Lazuli? Like how there are none on Homeworld?" I ask. "Yeah, I was wondering about that. I looked up your gem type, but found no data." Peridot responds. I nod. "Maybe about seven thousand years ago, the Diamonds decided that they needed a backup plan in case they were ever shattered. They wanted to see if they could make new diamonds in Kindergartens. So each Diamond coded in a gem personality into an incubator, and created one gem. None of them worked. I was created by Blue Diamond, meant to be her successor. But, as you can see, I'm clearly not a diamond. The project was shut down after that." I say, looking away. Peridot gives a small gasp, and says, "So, when you say you're defective-" "I mean it quite literally. I'm not even the right gem type. I'll never be who I was made to be." I quietly say. "Who were you made to be?" Peridot asks. "Well, Blue Diamond wanted someone strong, emotional, and brave; or so she said. Blue wanted someone who was exactly like her. And yet here I am, only one of those things. I'm just an emotional wreck." I say. Peridot shakes her head. "You're all three, Lazuli. Look at you. You fused with Jasper, and only lost because you were cracked. And even when you were cracked, you managed to get rid of her. You even stood up to her. And even better, you care about people. I can't even do that." Peridot says. I blush. "You make me seem like something special. I'm not. You still don't get it. I haven't even told you the worst." I say, my voice monotone and unchanging. "Alright then, go on." Peridot says. I sigh.

"There were meant to be four of us, but White Diamond's never left the ground. You've met the three of us that made it. I'm the creation of Blue Diamond, Rose Quartz was the creation of Pink Diamond, and Jasper was the creation of Yellow Diamond. Jasper was the "closest to perfection", as the Diamonds would call it. She's stronger than the rest of us. Even her gem is the closest to a diamond shape." I say. Peridot gasps. "I always knew that Jasper was powerful, but not that much." She says. I continue as if she never spoke. "Being the creations of the Diamonds, we were sent out into every battle possible. It would be embarrassing for the Diamonds to admit that they created something less than perfect. So they pretended that we were special warriors, meant to lead mass armies into war." I say, looking away. "We were taught on Homeworld's values, so every time we defeated a gem, we would… shatter them. I have a lot of blood on my hands, Peridot." I say. She awkwardly pats me on the back. We sit in silence for a few minutes. "It's okay if you want to save the rest. I… didn't realize… what you've been through." Peridot says. I lean on her shoulder. I feel her stiffen, but only for a second. We stare up at the starry night sky.

Jasper: I have a plan. I've never been a strategist, but I'm smart enough for this. As long as I have an incentive, I'll find a way to keep going. If I'm to get off this island, I can't take on every gem here at once. They must be divided. And I think I'll start with Lazuli.


	4. Planned

**Ugh I hate it when I as a writer non-canonize multiple things at once, but I love reading it. This whole book is an experiment (ooh spoopy). Let's go! Also leave a comment but no suggestions tnx love u guys.**

Lapis: I wake up to the sound of heavy hammering. I groggily sit up and rub my eyes. It looks to be about noon. Guess I overslept again. I walk outside, and find Peridot… in a tree…? "What… what are you doing?" I call up to her. She whirls around and looks at me. "Lazuli!" she yells down to me, a smile on her face. She's off balance from turning around so quickly, and she starts to fall. I quickly fly over to her and catch her in my arms before she hits the ground. We both sigh in relief. I realize that I'm still holding her, and I quickly put her down, blushing.

"So, what were you going in the trees?" I ask. She looks up. "Oh, right. I thought that since we have complete freedom here, we might as well make our dream house. My dream house is not a cave, Lapis." Peridot says. "So… you chose to live in a giant birds nest?" I ask. "What? No, I meant a tree house. I'm not weird, Lazuli." She replies. I snicker. "Right. Not weird at all." I say. "Oh, and you can just call me Lapis. Lazuli is really formal, like for what Homeworld gems call each other." I say. "Well, aren't we both from Homeworld?" Peridot asks. "Well, yeah, but we're friends now, right?" I ask. She blushes and nods. I laugh. "What? Haven't you ever had a friend before?" I ask. She shakes her head. "You know what Homeworld is like. There isn't any room for friendship. Just work." She says. I shrug. "You never know. Anyways, what kind of treehouse are you building?" I ask. Her eyes light up. "It's a surprise. But I need you to help get materials, if that's okay." She says. I nod, and she tells me her plan.

Jasper: It's now exactly midnight. I've been waiting for three days for this. It had taken me a while to find Lazuli's camp and hike all the way back to the rebel's camp. I hold a crude stone knife in my hands. I'd decide that I'd need something sharper than a helmet if I were to do this. I'd just punched a cave wall until I found a good sized shard of stone. I quietly stalked into Rose's camp. They're all asleep. I drop a green chunk of metal on the ground; it was a leg from Peridot's escape pod that I'd stolen yesterday. I raised my knife over Rose's head, and brought it down. He dissipated without a word.

Pearl: I hate sleeping, but it helps sometimes, just to be able to see Rose in my dreams. I feel a hand roughly shake me. It can't be Steven; he's usually much gentler. I open my eyes, and see Amethyst. She's crying. "Amethyst?" I ask, scared. She just shakes her head, unable to speak. I look around, and see Ruby and Sapphire. Garnet had unfused. What could've happened? Sapphire turns to me, and holds Steven's gem in her outstretched hands. "No!" I cry.

It's been an hour since I found out. As soon as I saw her gem, I retreated into my gem. Would the gem be deactivated? Would Steven come back? Would Rose? Who did I want back more?

After another few hours, I reform. Garnet has refused again. The moment I come to, Amethyst walks over to us. "Guys, look what I found." She says, holding a green hunk of metal in her hand. "It's from… Peridot's escape pod?" I question. Amethyst nods her head. "We have to chase her." I say. Garnet nods. Let's begin our search. And when we find her, I'll shatter her for this.

Lapis: I wake up, I walk over to our treehouse from the cave. In between the two is a small, crystal clear lake. "Wow. She must've been up all night." I murmur. She's finally finished. The tree house has a total of three rooms and three trees, set up in a triangle. There is a main room with a ladder up from the forest floor. It connects to Peridot's room through a rope bridge and a staircase that spirals around the tree. Peridot insisted on having her room higher than the other two, so it also has to connect to my room through a ladder and a solid bridge. The bridge doubles as a landing dock in case I fly up. "Hey Peridot! What's up?" I call up to her. She pokes her head out of her room. "Hey, Laz- I mean Lapis! You want to come up here?" I nod, and I fly up to the tree house. I walk into the main room, and find Peridot sitting on a pile of leaves. "Peridot, what-?" "Just sit. It's our furniture." I laugh, and sit beside her.

Pearl: "We have to find her! Peridot can't escape unharmed! Let's spread out over the island." I say. Amethyst nods, but Garnet replies "And we still need to look for Malachite and defuse her. I'll be in charge of that. I know that you want to split up, Pearl, but you two should stick together." How could Garnet say that? Revenge for Steven should be our number one priority. But to keep the peace, I just smile and nod. I set out for Peridot with hatred in my heart.

Peridot: "So… What now?" I ask. We've completed our short-term objective. Lapis ponders this for a moment. "Do you want to just… do human stuff?" she asks. "Why would you want to do that?" I ask. It's illogical. "Well, I mean that you never sleep or anything. I personally enjoy sleep. Because sleep." She says. I sigh. "You really sound like you need to sleep right now. You're not making any sense." I say. She laughs. "I was just joking. But I was thinking, right? Since sleep is so fun, maybe eating and stuff is just as fun, too. And I'd like to try it with someone this time, and not alone." She says. I shrug. "Fine. Just because I have nothing better to do." I say, climbing down the ladder. She laughs again. "Yeah, I know that you want to try as much as I do." She says. She has me pinned there. I sigh. "You are so annoying, Lapis Lazuli." I say. She grins. "Yeah, well, you're stuck with me."

Jasper: I've started my plan. I've gotten the Crystal Gems mad at these two. I just needed these two to run into them, and then I'd be one step closer to home. I've been… watching them… for the past two hours. They're really quite boring. I watch as they walk down the ladder of their new home, and set out to "eat food" like a human would. Pathetic. Both of them. I see Lazuli reach out for some berries on a bush. "Wait, Lazuli, don't touch those! I read about those on my limb enhancers once. They're poisonous. Just because gems can't die forever from poison doesn't mean that it still won't hurt." Peridot says. Lapis throws the berry on the ground. "Do you read about foreign plants for fun? Whatever, at least it saved me this time. Thanks." She says. They walk off. I stay here, thinking. Poison? Could I use this? Of course I could. I run up to the bush, and grab as many berries as possible. 

It's time to initiate the next part of my plan. I'm in the middle of the island, only slightly closer to Lapis and Peridot's side of the island. I reach into my gem, and pull a signal flare out of my pocket. I'd taken it from Peridot's escape pod. I activated it, and then ran. They would all be here soon, and I didn't want to get caught.

Steven: I opened my eyes. Where was I? Everything was… pink. I looked around for an exit. Instead, I found… "Mom?" I ask, tears welling in my eyes. She smiled at me. "Steven." I run up to her, and hug her. "How are you here?" I ask. She gives a small smile. "It was originally my gem, you know." She says. "Oh. So every time I'm poofed, I'll be able to talk to you?" I ask. She nods. "But don't go doing it too often. It'll take you extra-long to reform since you're half human." She says. I smile. "That's okay. It gives me a chance to get to know you."


	5. Captured

**Idk if I should keep the part about the diamonds… lol whatever its midnight I don't need this I need sleep but nope here I am u should read I have nothing real to say also why am I so illiterate in the a/n but so well versed in the actual book m I right yes I m.**

Pearl: I gasp. After a long day of searching, we were all back at camp, staring at Rose's gem. Suddenly, a bright flare went up in the distance. We looked at each other. "Peridot." I growled. Without waiting for a response, I dashed into the woods. "Pearl!" I hear Garnet calling behind me. I didn't turn around. I had unfinished business to attend to. "Come on Garnet, let's just go." Amethyst said. I heard their footsteps behind me. Good. I'd need backup.

Lapis: "What was that?" I asked. A green flare had gone off in the starry night sky. Peridot yelled in frustration. "That was the escape flare from my escape pod! Someone's been messing with my stuff! And it can't have been you! Let's go. I want to see who it was." Peridot growls, running off towards the source of the flare. "Wait up!" I call. I pick her up in my arms, and jump into the air, spreading my wings. "Air travel is a lot faster, dude." I say, smiling.

We reach the site of the flare launch. Peridot paces around. "There's green dust here. That's a sure sign it was launched here. But why? No one else is here. There's no purpose of going through all of that trouble to get the flare, just to leave. Unless…" Peridot stops pacing and stares at me. "…It's a trap…" The sudden realization hits me. We had to leave. But it was too late. I heard fast footsteps coming from the opposite side of the woods. "Peridot…" I whisper. Pearl jumps out of the trees, aiming her spear at Peridot's head. Peridot isn't fast enough to dodge, and we all know it. I jump at Pearl, using my water wings to propel myself. I crash into her, and we roll onto the ground. She's quicker, and she immediately pins me, holding her spear to my forehead. "Another traitor? Good. I'd like to avenge Steven in more ways than one." She mutters. My throat tightens. "What happened to Steven?" I ask, concerned. She laughs. "Like you don't know! You poofed him, you monster. At first, I thought it was Peridot, but she doesn't have any weapons! It must've been you!" Pearl yells, pressing her spear down harder on my face. I cry out. I can barely take it.

I see Peridot staring at us out of the corner of my eye. We make eye contact. "Go." I mouth. She shakes her head. I form water wings, pushing Pearl off me. I command them over to Peridot. They attach to her, and I control them to fly her back home as quickly as they can. "Lapis, no!" I hear her yell. It's too late for me. I had to try to save her. I feel Pearl land on my back, her spear on my gem. I panic. "Don't shatter me!" I scream. It feels too much like last time, too much like with Jasper. Pearl gives a hearty laugh. "Maybe if you beg, I might spare your pitiful life." She sneers. I hear more footsteps. "Pearl! Hold on a second. We have her subdued. There's no need for this." I think its Garnet's voice. "No, you hold on a second. This is the gem that poofed Steven!" Pearl says. "I told you, I didn't poof him! He healed me before! Why would I go out of my way to hurt him? He's the only one of you that I actually like!" I yell. "Why you insolent little-" I never hear the rest of her sentence. She poofs me.

Peridot: I know that Lapis has either been poofed or shattered, because halfway home, the water wings fall apart. "Lapis!" I cry out. I know she can't hear me, but my feelings overwhelm me. Is this how she feels? Constantly emotional, always struggling to keep a brave face? I never realized. I should've been nicer. Would they shatter her? Maybe. Would she fall apart before then? I know that she's constantly tormented by her memories. This could break her. I have to save her again. Back at the clearing, when Pearl had leapt for me, she'd aimed her spear at my gem. The Crystal Gems were out for blood. I couldn't let Lapis become a stain on their hands.

I arrive at our treehouse, and immediately start to look for my limb enhancers. I know that they had a self-destruct mode, and if I could activate it, it could distract the Crystal Gems long enough for Lapis and me to escape. I look as hard as I can, but I can't find my limb enhancers. They must be in the cave. I head down the ladder and around the lake, but I stop when I see. "Jasper?" I whisper. Jasper is standing in the cave, staring at my limb enhancers. At my words, she spins around. "Well, if it isn't my little green colleague." She says. I jump. "What are you doing here?" I ask, surprised. She smiles. "Just getting ready. I'm going to get off this planet, and no one can stop me. But someone can help me." She said. "What? How can you contact Homeworld?" I ask, shocked. She grins. "They're not from Homeworld. They're on the island." Jasper says. I gasp. "You're going to fuse with Lazuli and fly off planet." I say. "That's the plan. Don't get in my way." Jasper says. "That's crazy! She'll never fuse with you!" I yell. "She will if she's desperate enough."

Steven: "So, Mom. How long will this take? I mean, for me to reform." Rose sighs. "It'll take maybe one or two more weeks. I don't know. You've never reformed before. But you should hurry. You and your friends are in trouble." She says. I nod.

Lapis: I finally reform. I can't see anything. I stand up, but immediately fall back down again, dizzy. "Hello?" I call out. No one answers. I'm starting to panic. Where am I? It feels too much like being in the mirror again. Trapped. I stand up, using my water wings to keep me aloft. My face hits a ceiling, and I fall to the ground. I rub my head, wincing. I know that all gems can use their gem as a flashlight, but mine's in my back. Helpful. I sigh, and turn it on. If I turn my neck just right, I can see. Sort of. I appear to be in a small underground room. I can't use my powers underground. This must be a jail of sorts, made just for me by the Crystal Gems.

I sit against the back wall, thinking. What will they do to me? Will I ever see Peridot again? Will Steven be okay? I hear a rumbling sound. The ceiling starts to shake. I cover my head, expecting the whole room to collapse. Instead, a dim light fills the room. I look over at the source, and find an opening at one side of the room, at the top of a staircase that I had missed before. Garnet and Pearl stand at the top. Garnet holds a large boulder in her hands, which I assume to be what was blocking the doorway earlier. Pearl has her spear drawn already. "You." I say. Pearl confidently struts down the stairs towards me. "Yes, Lazuli. It's us. But this time, we've won." Pearl says, smirking. "What do you want?" I say, sneering at the sight of the pale gem. "I want you to tell us where Peridot is, and why you poofed Steven. And maybe while you're at it, you could tell us your last words." Pearl smugly says. I gulp. "Are you… going to shatter me?" Pearl opens her mouth, but Garnet is faster. "Not yet, Lazuli. We have to wait to see if Steven regenerates." She says. "I told you, I didn't hurt him." I growl. Pearl hits me in the stomach with the butt of her spear, and I fall to the ground. "You think that you can fool us? You mean nothing to us, Lazuli. We have no hesitations about shattering you. If I were you, I'd tell the truth. Maybe then your pitiful life can be a few days longer." Pearl says, standing over me. I refuse to be stuck here in this cell, waiting for death. I summon my water wings, and fly past Garnet and Pearl, knocking them over in the process. I speed up the stairs. I can almost see sunlight, when suddenly – "Ah!" I cry out in pain. Amethyst was waiting at the top of the staircase in case I escaped. And now, her crystal-studded whip was securely wrapped around my thin waist. "Hey." She casually says. She then uses her whip to throw me back down the stairs into my earthen cell. I land on my nose, crying out in pain as I skid against the hard dirt. Pearl calmly walks over and stands over me, placing her foot on my stomach. I can barely breathe, and I start to struggle. "You see, Lazuli? You hurt Steven. We won't let you get away with it." She says. I put my hands on my face, and find it covered in blood. I cry out in frustration.


	6. Implosion

**I feel like this story is going by too fast and I haven't had enough time for character development. Oh, well. I'll try this chapter. Please leave a comment but no plotline suggestions (i.e. "oh can u have this character do this and have the story end exactly like this here I drew art and wrote my own fanfic based on how yours should end look do it or ill complain idk if it's a horrible idea but do it) so pls, no. Maybe read my other books? (Although this one is my favorite so far.) Also in this AU Garnet doesn't have future vision. Also why am I so mean to my charatcers ugh I need to pull it together but also not.**

Lapis: I've spent two days here in this cell. No one's visited since the first time. I've already had a flashback. Being trapped in a mirror was almost like this. I've cried a lot. I'm sure that they can hear me. I don't care. I have nothing to do all day. I'm stuck here, alone with my thoughts. I know that they'll shatter me. It's going to happen eventually. Pearl hates me. Maybe I can finally learn how to be strong. I try to live with that thought in mind.

I hear the rumbling of the boulder at the top of the stairs moving. Someone's finally coming down here. Is that good or bad? I see Garnet silhouetted in the light. "What do you want?" I say, looking away. "Hello to you too, Lazuli." She replies. "Mind if I sit next to you?" "Do I have a choice?" "No." We sit in silence for a moment. I sigh. "Why are you here, Garnet?" I ask. "I have multiple reasons." She responds. "Oh." We sit in silence for a moment more.

"We can hear you cry."

"That's good to know."

"I thought I'd help you out."

"You would know the most about me, wouldn't you?"

"I thought that if you die, you should do it at peace."

"Oh."

I sigh. It sounds like they had already made up their minds about what to do with me.

"Garnet, do you really think that I poofed Steven?"

"I used to know you."

"That's not a real answer."

"I know."

"I used to know you, too."

We sit in silence. Sapphire and I had both served under Blue Diamond. We'd known each other thousands of years ago. I sighed.

"You've changed though. You're Garnet now."

"Do you think you've changed?"

"You knew that I was in the mirror for five thousand years. Me, in specific. You kept me there because you thought I was bad."

"That's not a real answer, Lapis."

"Spending that much time in a mirror changed me."

"In a good way?"

"Of course. In a way, I should thank you. Even though being trapped there hurt more than anything I'd ever known, it humbled me. I realized that I was bad."

"Bad?"

"Horrible."

"I know."

"We both do."

We stare off into space. I'd been a despicable person before the mirror. It took a lot to change me. It had hurt to be alone with my thoughts. To be able to see, think, and hear, but not move or act.

"Garnet, do you really, truly think that I hurt Steven?"

"You used to shatter others. Mock them before they died."

"I regret it. Besides, that was a long time ago."

"No time like the present to get into old habits."

I don't answer.

"Will you shatter me?"

Garnet sighs.

"Probably."

"Pearl really seems to hate me."

"I know. She takes it personally. She always used to protect Rose. She thinks that she's unable to do so now. This is her way of showing that she still can."

"Promise me that when I die, that you won't let Pearl be the one to do it."

"I'll try."

"Thanks."

We sit there in silence. I've accepted my fate. I know that's it's no longer _if_ I'll be shattered, but _when_ I'll be shattered. I don't cry this time. Maybe I'm finally strong.

Peridot: I've finally figured out how to make the limb enhancers self-implode. Now, I only need to find the Crystal Gem's camp. Luckily, I have a vague idea where the camp is. I have to sneak through the woods, hiding in shadows, crawling on the ground. All while trying not to be blown to pieces. Fun.

I haven't rested much. I look terrible. I have bags under my eyes, and I'm generally exhausted. But I don't care. I can't let my only friend be shattered.

I hear leaves rustling in the woods, maybe fifty feet off from where I'm standing. There aren't any native animals on this planet, so it must be a gem. I flatten down onto my stomach. "Hey, Pearl, do you think we're close? Peridot has to be around here somewhere." It's Amethyst. And she's hunting me.

Lapis: Garnet has been here for almost two hours. We haven't spoken much. "Alright Garnet, drop the act. Why are you really here?" I say, exhausted. She sighs. "Pearl and Amethyst are out hunting for Peridot. I'm supposed to guard you." She says. "What? You let Pearl chase after Peridot?" I say, my voice rising. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Calm down. I told her to bring Peridot back in one piece." Garnet says. I doubt that Pearl will. I hope that I see my green friend one last time.

Peridot: I lay here in the bushes, trying my hardest to keep quiet. "Probably. Let's check this direction." Pearl says. The footsteps slowly grow louder. They were headed straight for me. I held my breath. They were almost on top of me. Suddenly, I felt a foot stomp down on my stomach. "What the- Peridot!" Amethyst yelled. I imploded my first limb enhancer.

I hadn't expected it to hurt this much. It felt like a bag of bricks hit my chest. I was thrown far away from the blast. It left a heavy cloud of dust, and I scrambled up, running away from where the explosion had been. I didn't know which direction I was headed in, but I ran as fast as I could. I couldn't afford to get caught. I heard yelling from behind me. "Amethyst, are you okay? Get up, she's headed for camp!" Pearl screamed. So I was going the right way. I sprinted off, and didn't look back.

I'd been running for the past ten minutes, and my lungs were screaming. I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't do this much longer. The forest opened up, and I found myself in a field. I whipped my head from side to side, trying to find their base. I saw a small shack made from fallen logs at the edge of the woods. I ran inside, but I didn't see any sign of Lapis. "Peridot!" I heard a yell. It was Pearl.

They run in front of me. "Peridot, surrender!" Pearl says. Amethyst limps up behind her. "Dude, not cool." She says. I hold up another limb enhancer. "Want me to explode another one? Give me Lapis!" I yell. Pearl laughs. "If you explode that right now, you'll bury her alive!" she responds. Sudden realization dawns on me. "You mean she's…" I start. "Right under your feet. Guarded. I wouldn't try anything." Pearl responds. My limb enhancers were my only weapons. If I couldn't use them, I would lose for sure. I just had to hope that I wouldn't bury Lapis. "Lazuli, look out!" I yell. I throw the limb enhancer, and it detonates. I was knocked backwards into the wall, and it breaks on contact. I groan, but manage to stand up. I run over to the middle of the floor. I can't find the entry point. "Amethyst? Amethyst! Answer me! Oh, you've poofed her!" Pearl yells. I look over, and see that she's right. Amethyst has retreated into her gem. One down, and one to go.

Lapis: I hear Peridot's voice. "Lazuli, look out!" What is she doing? A moment later, I hear a loud blast. The ceiling rumbles, and small dirt showers fall. Thankfully, it doesn't collapse. My ears are still ringing from the explosion. I can barely make out Pearl's words. "Amethyst… poofed…" Garnet looks at the ceiling. "I'm going up there. Don't try anything. I sigh. "I'm powerless down here, and you know it." I mutter. Garnet moves the boulder aside, climbs up, and covers the doorway once more. There go any chances for escape.

Peridot: Garnet climbs out from a hole in the ground. I hold another limb enhancer in my hands. "Give me Lapis. Now." I say. Pearl laughs. "And why would we do that? There's no way you'll take down the two of us." Pearl says. And she's right. My eyes travel to the boulder blocking entry to Lapis' cell. I grin. "I have a better plan." I say. I throw a limb enhancer at the boulder. It explodes, throwing chunks of rock everywhere. I race towards the entrance of the cave.

Lapis: I'm sitting in my jail cell, waiting to see what will happen. Suddenly, the entrance to the cave explodes. Dirt and rock is thrown everywhere. I'm showered with rubble. I'm barely awake, my vision blurring in and out. I hear footsteps. "Lazuli, come on, get up. We have to hurry." It's Peridot. I smile, and hug her. She pulls me up. "Come, we have to go!" We run up the stairs.

"Get back here!" I hear a shout behind us. It's Pearl. I grab Peridot by the waist, and start to fly. She holds one of her limb enhancers in her arms. "I missed you." I murmur. "I missed you too." Peridot replies. I see a flash of blue light go by my left eye. "What was that?" I yell, speeding up. "It's Pearl's spear-laser thing. Just hurry up." Peridot replies. "This is as fast as it gets." I respond. Peridot sighs. "Lazuli, I'm sorry. This'll speed us up, but it may hurt." Peridot says. "What?" I yell back, confused. She detonates her last limb enhancer, and we soar through the trees. Her weight leaves my arms. "Peridot?" I yell. I look down just in time to see her gem fall to the ground. Pearl must've hit her with her laser. "No!" I yell. I spin into a dive bomb, trying to catch her gem before it hits the ground. I snag it, but I'm too close to the ground now. Garnet runs over to me, gauntlets out, and squeezes my waist. I can't take the pain. I can feel my ribs cracking. I scream, and poof.


	7. Sentenced

**Tried a new text format last chapter. Nice.**

Lapis: I struggle to reform. If I'm going to be shattered soon, I might as well enjoy my existing time alive. I slowly blink open my eyes. I can't see a thing. "Lazuli?" I hear a voice. "Peridot!" I yell. She turns her gem light on, casting a green glow around the room. She's sitting next to me. She reaches over and hugs me. I tense up and shut my eyes. After a moment, I blink them open. She quickly releases her grip. "What…" she asks, confused. I rub the back of my neck. "Sorry, yesterday I got squeezed so hard, I poofed. It wasn't the best way to go." I say. She winces. "That sucks. Are you okay? And what's been going on these past few days?" she asks. I sigh. "I mean, I'm not really okay. They – they're going to shatter me, Peridot." I say, looking away. She hugs me again. I flinch, but still embrace her back. "Lapis, I…" she trails off, not knowing what to say. Neither do I. "It's fine. It'll be fine. You can move on. I'm not that important." I say. She laughs. "Of course you're important, Lazuli. You're my friend. You're a great person. We'll find a way to save you." Peridot says. I lean on Peridot, her arm still around my shoulder. "Thanks." I murmur.

I hear the door opening. They'd gotten a new boulder door since we'd exploded the last one. No regrets, though. "Nice to see you two killers are getting comfy." Pearl says. I grit my teeth. "Come on, I've never killed anyone." Peridot said. They both turned to me. I blush. Pearl smirks. "I mean, I didn't kill Steven. That's a bonus." I murmur. Pearl laughs. "Even if you really didn't kill Steven, which I doubt, we'll still be putting down a murderer." Pearl says. "It's actually ironic." I say. "And how's that, Lazuli?" Pearl asks. "Well, by killing me because I've shattered… a large number of gems… you'll become murderers yourselves. It's almost hypocritical." I say. Pearl laughs. "Yes, but you're a horrible person all around. And we saved Earth. That makes us good, and you a villain. A mean, despicable, horrible villain." She says. I wince. They're ugly words, and I've heard them before, but it still hurts. "What do you want, Pearl?" I ask. She's gotten to me, and we all know it. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that we've arranged your execution date. And since Garnet lost the coin flip, I'll be the one doing it." Pearl says. "What? No, it can't be you. I don't want to die at your hands." I yell. She gives a petty laugh. "It's not up to you, Lazuli. Good day." She says, walking back up out of the room.

I let out a cry of frustration and kick the wall. "Lapis…" Peridot trails off. "It's… just… ugh! I just… can't! I've faced death a thousand times before. This time shouldn't be any different. But somehow, it is." I yell. I slam my fists into the earthen wall. I can feel the impact vibrate through my body. I don't care. I can feel blood dripping down my clenched fists. I scrunch my eyes closed. "Help… me…" I whisper. I can't handle it this time. I feel Peridot's hand on my shoulder. "Lapis, calm down." Peridot quietly says. "I can't. Don't you understand how hard it is?" I yell. I whip my hand back, knocking her hand off my shoulder. It hits her in the chest, and she falls on the ground. I let tears fall freely from my face. I look back at her. She's staring at the bloody handprint I left on her shirt. I look away. "I'm sorry. I just can't… I'm useless." I sink down onto my knees. Peridot crawls behind me and puts her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay. I know this is a difficult time for you. I just want to be here for you." She whispers. I lean backwards into her lap. She's surprised for a moment, but she relaxes. "They think I'm weak." I say. She shakes her head. "Then they're wrong." She replies. "They can hear everything we say, everything we do. The Crystal Gems can hear every tear I shed, every scream that leaves my lips. I hate it. I hate them. I never would hurt Steven, though." I whisper. She hugs me. "How did you stand being here alone?" she whispers, stroking my hair. "I didn't." I reply, staring emptily at the blank ceiling.

"You've grown so much even since we first landed here." I say. Peridot smiles. "Yeah. It's good. I like having emotions. I like loving." She says. A silence breaks out. "You've grown too, Lazuli." She says. I look away. "But not in a good way. I'm crumbling." I murmur. She shakes her head. "You're stronger this time. You survived Jasper. You didn't get your gem completely cracked. You recovered for a week or two. You managed to pull yourself together. Then you sacrificed yourself for me. You stood up to the Crystal Gems, tried to escape. You would've made it too, if you hadn't had the decency to save my gem. You've grown in a good way." Peridot replies. She leans back, and I lay next to her, our arms loosely intertwined. "It's had its ups and downs." I whisper. We lay together in silence. "Goodnight, Lazuli." Peridot whispers. I let myself drift into a dreary sleep.

 _I hear a bomb go off near me. I sprint away. Getting caught isn't an option. They already suspect me of joining Rose Quartz. The Diamond's creations are divided. Yellow and White Diamond's creations want to stay loyal. Pink's is the leader of the rebellion. I've already hesitated in battle; hesitated to shatter rebel soldiers. I'm beginning to question myself, too. Is what I'm doing right? I hear another blast in front of me. A cloud of dust covers the air. I stop running. A Bismuth walks out of the dust. It's a rebel. But I can't bring myself to shatter anyone else. "Oh, look, a Homeworld elite. Come on, let's go! Prove your worth!" I try to fly away, but she's locked on to me. I feel a thump in my back. I poof._

 _I try to form, but I can't. I'm trapped. I look around. I see an unfamiliar gem's face. "Help me! Please! Where am I?" I yell. She shakes her head and smiles. "You're my prisoner. Stuck in this gem powered mirror. Better get used to it. You won't be free for a long time coming." The gem sets the mirror down. I yell, but no one can hear. I'm alone._

I sit up in a cold sweat. Peridot is hugging me. "Relax. It's okay." She whispers. I start to calm down. It was just a memory. I'm panting heavily. "What… happened?" I ask. "You were thrashing around, so I figured that the stress was getting to you. It's okay. It's normal to be nervous." Peridot says. I shudder. I hated reliving my life. Heck, I hated living it the first time. Those last few weeks with Peridot had been worth it, though. "Stay with me." I whisper. She nods, and hugs me close. I can't do this alone.

Jasper: My plan is almost ready. I've explored these caves for miles. They stretch all the way around the planet. These caves are suffocating. I hate every minute here. I vowed to bring Rose down to this level, to make her understand what it's like to be trapped underground. I've been staying in a large cavern right under the plains where Rose is… sleeping. An idea forms in my head. How had I never thought of this before? This was even better than what I'd planned. I grinned. This was going to get interesting. They can't keep me trapped anymore.


	8. Before

**Character stuff going on now. I think it's called "development". I need to do more with that concept, and every chapter I write I try, but I end up mentally yelling at myself bc it's not hard enough but I hate writing it. Short chapter. I've already mostly written chapters 9-11 it was so hard to write even a little character dev.**

Peridot: I try to make the last few days of Lazuli's life the best they've ever been. It's the least I can do for her. She helped me find myself. If I can't save her, I should at least try to make her happy.

Right now, she's lying next to me, sleeping. Just as she has for the past few days. We just lay there. "Keep your clothes on, Peridot." She'd jokingly said to me one night. It hadn't even crossed my mind, but I agreed. She's so peaceful when she sleeps. Although she always wakes me up by tossing and turning, I don't mind. It's my last chance to see her. Will they shatter me after her? I think that they see Lapis as the murderer, and me as the mere mastermind behind the plan. I wonder what they'll do to her gem once it's over. Suddenly, it crosses my mind that she could've actually poofed the Steven. I'd have thought that she was asleep. I quickly dismiss the thought. I trust her.

I notice her eyes flicking open. "Hey." I murmur. She smiles. "Hey." She responds. I can't help but grin. "Uh… Did I do something really stupid again? You're looking at me kind of weirdly, P." she says. This only makes me smile more. "You're just so… different from everyone else. You're your own person, and no one else told you to be this way; you chose it. It's great. I don't know how I never realized." I said. She blushes and looks away.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I ask after a long and awkward silence. Lapis opens her mouth, but I cut her off. "And don't say that you want to go outside." "Let's go outside." "You're impossible." "Yeah, it's great though." "That's one adjective to describe your sense of humor with." "Yeah, I also like to call it hilarious and amazing." "Those are some pretty big words. I didn't know that you were so literate, because most of the time you sound like a complete idiot." "Yeah I actually tried thinking for once." "That must be a new experience for you, Lazuli." "You know it." She says, and we burst into laughter. She thinks for a moment. "Hey wait did you just rhyme 'literate' and 'idiot'?" Lapis asks. "You know it." I say, winking at her with both eyes. We both laugh again.

Steven: "I love you, mom." I say. She smiles back at me. "I love you too, Steven." She says, gazing fondly at me. We sit in silence, just enjoying each other's presence. "Steven, there's something that you should know." Rose says. I nod. "Okay." I say. "You… have to go now. If you don't, then you'll be in huge danger." She says, looking away. I hug her. "That's okay. I'll see you next time." I reply. "I love you, Steven. Never forget that." She says. "I love you, too." I reply. I focus, and everything starts to glow.

Lapis: I can feel Peridot's warmth next to me. I can't sleep, though. Not tonight. I think back on my life. I'd wasted so much of it. It was gone forever. Who had I really been?

I'd started out as a loyal gem warrior, mercilessly shattering and tormenting gems for two thousand years in countless wars. Then, I'd been captured. Tormented over and over again until I couldn't breathe. I hated myself, hated everything. And one day, they'd dropped the mirror I lived in. Discarded me like a piece of garbage. Sure, people had found me. They chose not to help, chose to watch. Then I'd escaped. I tried to hurt my captors, but I was still too weak. Left for the one place where I thought I'd belong. I didn't. I was sent back. I crash landed here. I fused. I was horrible to Jasper. I hurt her, I know I did. But then I made a friend for the first time in my life. Sacrificed my freedom for her. And now, it was over.

Maybe I really had changed for the better. But it was too late. I let myself sink into my final sleep.

I can hear Peridot's breath close to my face. I can feel her lips touch mine, and I feel like energy is coursing through my veins. She starts to lean away, but I put my hand on her neck, keeping her there. She jumps. "Lazuli! I… didn't know that you were awake. I mean… uh… I guess… I just wanted to do it once." I look at her. "No, it was… nice." I reply. We sit in silence. "Today's the day." I murmur. She hugs me. "Yeah." Silence. "I'm really going to miss you, Lazuli." Peridot says. I blush. "I'll miss you too, Peridot. You've been a good friend. I'm sorry that I wasn't better." I say, a small tear dripping down my face. Peridot wipes it away. "You were a great friend. I'll never forget you, Lazuli." She says. Silence again. I can feel her heart beating against mine. She's nervous. I am too. We stay like this for what seems like an eternity.

I hear the familiar sound of the boulder door rumbling open. Peridot and I break apart. "Are you ready, Lazuli?" Pearl says, standing at the top of the stairs.


	9. Shattering

**Let's go!**

Lapis: I shook my head. "No." I murmured. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. There are somethings that you won't accept until they happen. Death is one of them. Pearl smiles wickedly. "Yes, Lazuli. Your time has run out." She said. Peridot squeezed my hand reassuringly. I took a few steps back. Our hands fell apart. "I won't let you do this." I said. She grinned. "It's happening whether you like it or not, Lazuli." Pearl said. I backed up into a wall, my gem touching the hard dirt. I had an idea. If Pearl couldn't get to my gem, she couldn't shatter it. I flattened myself against the rough wall. "No. I won't let you shatter me. I choose to live."

She gave a hearty laugh. "Please, Lazuli. Don't flatter yourself. You're not worth all of this trouble. Just give in." she said. I brushed aside her insults. "I am worth it. I deserve to be alive." I said, my voice slowly rising to a yell. She slowly walked over to me. "Show me your gem, Lazuli." She said. She put her hand on my shoulder. It couldn't end yet. I punched her in the face. She reared back, but kept her composure. "Lazuli, you just made the last mistake of your life." I flinched. It wasn't over. Not yet. Peridot walked over to us. "Why don't you both just calm down? I don't believe that we've ever actually had a civil discussion about all this. Let's just take it easy." She said. Pearl thrust her aside. Peridot fell onto the dirt. My hands clenched into fists. "Peridot…" I murmur. Why should I worry about her at the moment? I was the one who was to be killed. Pearl looked me in the eyes, a sickly smile etched on her face. "Let it go, Lazuli." She whispered. I pushed her away, and bolted for the stairs. "Hold it, Lazuli. I can always hurt your friend instead." She called. I stopped dead in my tracks, and whipped my head around. Pearl held Peridot against her chest, resting her spear on Peridot's gem. Peridot was trembling. We locked eyes. They were as green as the crisp palm fronds that adorned our treehouse. We'd spent so much time together… I couldn't make her take the pain for me. "Let her go, Pearl." I said threateningly. Pearl moved her spear down, and struck. Peridot poofed. Pearl picked up the green gem off the ground.

"Back down, Lazuli. There's only one way out." Pearl says, Peridot's gem clutched in her hand. If I don't let her do this, she could easily shatter Peridot. I gulp, but walk towards her. "At least let me hold her gem." I say, looking Pearl dead in the eyes. Pearl nodded, and hands me the peridot gemstone. I took a deep breath and turned my back. My heart is pounding. I can barely think. I feel Pearl's spear rest on my gem. "It's funny. I'm about to die, but I feel so alive." I murmur. A silence. "I'll do it on your count, Lazuli. Say your last words." I can feel my thin body shaking. I take another deep breath, and regain my composure. "I love you, Peridot." I murmur. I wait for the final blow.

Steven: I finally reform. I whip my head around. We're in… a house. My house. Garnet and Amethyst stare at me, their mouths open with shock. "Where's Pearl?" I ask. "She's downstairs… shattering Lapis Lazuli." Garnet whispered. My mouth drops open. "Why?" I yell. "Because she poofed you, dude." Amethyst said. "She didn't do that! It was Jasper!" I yell. Their eyes widen. Garnet's gaze travels to a staircase that leads underground. We nod at each other, and I sprint down the earthen steps. I see Pearl with her spear to Lazuli's back. "Stop!" I yell.

Lapis Lazuli: I close my eyes, let my muscles relax. I'm ready. "Stop!" I hear a voice yell. Was it… Steven? His voice echoes throughout the small room. "Steven! You're okay!" Pearl says. Her hold weakens. "Don't shatter her! She's done nothing! It was Jasper!" Steven says. I feel Pearl's hand shove me to the ground. The impact knocks the breath out of me. I look back at them. Pearl is staring at me with shock, her hands covering her mouth in shock, tears forming in her eyes. "I… almost…" she starts to say. I look away. "Shattered me." I murmur. A silence falls. "Lazuli, I'm… so sorry." Pearl murmurs. I hear footsteps running away. I sit on the floor, staring off into space. "Lapis, are you okay?" Steven asks, sitting next to me. "I'm alive." I say hollowly. He hugs me. "You're alive." He says.

Steven and I have been sitting in silence for a half hour. Peridot's gem is still clutched tightly in my hand. I hear footsteps coming down the steps. Steven whips around. "Hey, guys." He cheerfully says. I slowly turn around to face them. The three Crystal Gems. Pearl has tear streaks down her face. Amethyst is rubbing her shoulder. Garnet's glasses are missing. "Lapis, we just want you to know how… sorry we all are." Garnet says. I look away. "Whatever." I say. "What do you mean, 'whatever'? We just spared your life!" Pearl says. "Oh, you decided not to kill an innocent person. What a difficult decision. And you even decided not to give me a trial or discuss anything with me first. You had no way to figure out that I was telling the truth. I, the person who sacrificed herself to Jasper for you, was telling the truth. You're right, that was a pretty big decision on your part. Good use of your massive brainpower on that one." I sneer. Pearl balls her hands into fists. I move backwards, scared. I didn't trust her anymore. I didn't trust any of them. Garnet puts her hand on Pearl's shoulder. "Relax. She's going to need some time." She murmurs. They could give me all the time in the world, but I'd never be the same.

"Lapis, we wanted to tell you that we've decided you'll stay here for another week or so. Just to give you time to cool down." Garnet says. "Thanks for the gracious offer. Another week without natural lighting. I feel so honored. What did I do to deserve this? Oh yeah, that's right. Nothing. I did nothing." I reply. I'm in no mood for this. "Dude, we've said that we're sorry. Just chill." Amethyst says. "Yeah, it's easy to chill down here. It's freezing and uncomfortable. What a nice homey place to be held captive." I respond. Garnet puts her hand on Amethyst's shoulder. "We'll just give you some space. We want you to stay here because we don't… fully trust you to not… act out against us." She says. I wonder why. Maybe (wow) if you're held captive by someone on false pretenses, you don't trust them anymore. What a wild concept. I turn my back to them. Realizing that I'm not in the mood, the three of them start walking up the stairs. Steven looks at me sympathetically, and then follows suit. I'm alone again. 

Steven: "We're so glad to have you back, Steven." Pearl says. She looks a little shaken, but I know why. At least she's putting on a brave face. I smile. "I'm glad to be back." I say. Pearl looks at me. "Steven… what did you see when you were in your gem?" she asks. I sit down on the rough wooden floor of our house. "I saw Rose." I say plainly. Pearl tears up. "Did she say anything?" Garnet asks. "She said that she's so proud of all of you, and that she can see you all, and that she loves you." I reply. A silence falls among our group. "We've made a lot of mistakes." Amethyst says. Garnet gives a small smile. "That would be an understatement." She says. We all laugh. So much has gone wrong this past month. Maybe something can finally go right.


	10. Alliance

**Yup. I've written the past few chapters so out of order. It's gone 9, 8, 11, 10. Sometimes I'm in a mood that aligns with a chapter, so I write it first. New character POV this chapter. Please comment but no plotline suggestions tnx 3**

Lapis: I sit alone in the dirt room I now call my home. "Why am I alive?" I murmur. I didn't deserve to still sit here. The room glows green. Peridot is coming back. She reforms, and I hear her sobbing. "Peridot?" I ask, touching her shoulder. She jumps, and turns on her gem-flashlight. "Lazuli? You're alive!" She yells, pulling me into her warm embrace. "Steven finally reformed and told them that it wasn't me who poofed him." I say, holding Peridot tight to my chest. I don't ever want to let her go. "Don't leave me again." She murmurs. "That's fine with me." I whisper.

I see a light out of the corner of my eye. "Didn't mean to intrude on anything." Amethyst says. I look up at the doorway, and find the purple gem silhouetted in the natural light. Peridot and I pull apart. "What do you want?" I mutter. She snorts. "Like I want anything from you. Pearl and Garnet sent me down here to check on you to see if you were still mad. And wow, what a surprise, you still are." Amethyst says, walking down in front of us. "Well, maybe I wouldn't have been mad if you'd actually checked before deciding to kill me." I mutter. "We didn't think we needed to, what with your track record." Amethyst says. "Oh? And what's that supposed to mean?" I ask, my tone rising. "I'm saying that you're a murderer, Lazuli." Amethyst responds. I grab her by the shirt. "Say that again. I dare you." I yell. She pushes me off and shrugs. "Okay. You're a disgusting murderer with a lack of conscience or compassion. Does that work for you, Lazuli?" she says, smirking. She's gotten to me, and we both know it. I start to stand up, but Peridot holds me down. "Come on, Lapis. It's not worth it." Peridot says. "Yeah, you're right. _She's_ not worth it." I taunt. Amethyst looks me in the eyes and pulls out her whip. "You take that back. I am worth it. I'm better than you." She yells. "I'm not afraid of you. You're not worth my anger. You're just an undersized brute." I say, smirking. She wraps her whip around my waist, and throws me across the room into the wall. I hit the dirt with a loud thump, and fall to the floor, dust clouds swarming around us. I cough, my lungs struggling to get air. Amethyst walks over to me, grabs me by the neck, and pins me against the wall. "I am worth twice as much as a coward like you, Lazuli." I struggle to get free, but she has an iron grip. Amethyst laughs at my struggles. "I could hear you, ya know. When you cried. When you screamed. When you were about to die. It was pathetic. You're pathetic." Amethyst yells. I feel her weight being forced off of me. It was Garnet. "Amethyst, that's enough." She says. Amethyst sighs. "It wasn't like I was lying. It's true, and we all know it." Amethyst says. I feel my face boil. I clench my fists. Garnet drags Amethyst out of the room. Peridot walks over to me. "Are you okay?" she asks, placing her hand on my shoulder. I let out a deep breath. "Sure." I reply. Peridot frowns at me. "Lazuli, that's not a real answer." She murmurs. I snort. "Whatever."

Amethyst: I sit outside in the golden fields by the house. Lapis is so insufferable. "Ugh." I grumble. Pearl walks up to me. "Hey, Amethyst. How'd it go?" she asks. "How does it look like it went, Pearl?" I snap. She looks at me with surprise. "Not well. But I expected you to handle it better, Amethyst." She responds. "Well, I didn't, okay? Why do you even care? Oh, that's right, because you almost killed her. Not because you actually care for her well-being, but because you're in guilt." I mutter. Her face flushes. "Amethyst, you know that's not true." She responds. I snort. "You're horrible at lying." I respond. "She got to you, didn't she?" she says. "No! She didn't get to me at all! I was the one hurting her!" I yell. She snorts. "You're a horrible liar, Amethyst. I yell in frustration. "Amethyst, I think you need to go cool down somewhere else." Pearl says. "Ugh! You're all impossible!" I yell, stomping off into the woods.

"She didn't get to me. I got to her! I bet she's crying right now. Yeah, having a little meltdown. Just like she always does. Stupid little prisoner." I mutter, walking through the woods. I hate Lazuli. First, she guilt trips us for almost killing her. Then, she attacks me personally. I feel something cold around my feet. I look down, and find that I'm standing in a pool of water at the bottom of a waterfall. I guess I hadn't been watching where I was going. "'Cool down.' I don't need to cool down." I mutter, remembering Pearl's words. Still, the crystal water is quite refreshing. I wade into the pool, letting the cold water flow around me. I float on the water, looking at the green canopy above me. We could be happy here, but only if Lazuli and Peridot were gone. I flip over onto my back, and notice a strange orange glow emanating from the bottom of the pool. Curious, I swim down, trying to identify the source. It seems to be coming from behind a boulder. I move it aside with my whip, and the current pushes me downwards into a cave. I look around, and see… "Jasper!"

"Jasper!" I yell, staring at the orange striped gem warrior. "Oh look, it's the Crystal runt." She mutters. I summon my whip, but she merely grins. "Oh please, I'm not in the mood." She scoffs. "So what? Are you scared?" I sneer. She looks me in the eyes. "No. I'm busy. Come lose to me another time." She mutters, looking at something in front of her. "What are you doing?" I ask, curious. A grin lights up on her face. "Hey, runt. How would you like to get rid of Lapis without shattering her?" she questions. She's sparked interest. "What does it matter to you?" I ask. Her grin widens. "I have a plan to do just that. But as much as I hate to admit it – and I really do – I'll need your help for part of it. After this, both I and Lapis will be gone forever. You can stay here. Maybe we can even bring Peridot along if you'd like." She says. I put my whip back in my gem. "Alight. What do I have to do?" I ask. She grins. "Here's the plan."


	11. Crashing

**Welp. I wrote the emotion part of this when I was really sad so it's extra heavy. I wrote the rest of it when I was stressed, and it kinda sucks but not too much.**

Lapis Lazuli: The boulder door slowly rolls open. Today's the day I'm finally free. I take a few tentative steps up the stairs. Thoughts rush through my head. It's nothing new, but it overwhelms me. I form my wings, and start to fly off into the crisp air. "Lazuli, wait! Where are you going?" Peridot yells. "No worries. I'll be back soon. I just need some time to think." I yell back. I speed up into the sun lit sky.

I fly until I can't go on anymore. I'm soaring above the sparkling ocean. My feelings start to choke me out. I need to escape. I dissipate my wings, and start falling hundreds of feet. The wind whips at my hair, at my clothes. I can barely breathe. Fear fills my heart. I hit the hard surface of the water. I let myself fall into the murky blue, sinking down into the depths of the sea. I land on the sandy bottom, an emotionless wreck. "Help me." I whisper. I'm about to explode. I take hold of the currents, and create a small whirlpool. I yell in frustration. My heart feels as though it's going to beat out of my chest. I let myself get swept up by my own torrent. Tears spill from my face. My heart feels as though it's on overload. I scream. Why can't I escape my emotions? It feels like everyone could see my pain, but chose to ignore it. Couldn't they see that I needed help? "Please, someone, help me!" I yell. Everything has fallen, and I don't have the strength to build it up again. I break down, letting the whirlpool subdue itself. I curl up on the ocean floor, tears spilling from my face. It hurt so much just to exist from day to day. "I can't take it anymore." I whisper. I hate it. I have to hide this from everyone. "Please, let me go. I shouldn't be alive! I don't want to be! But I'm not strong enough to end it! Someone help me!" I scream. My heart feels as though it'll explode. I can barely stay awake. My throat is swollen and my eyes are puffy. I cry. I don't stop. I'm done with life. But I refuse to end it. But I'm not good enough to live. I hear a sniffle come from behind me. I slowly look over my shoulder, and see Pearl standing a few feet away, gazing at me with horror. "Please! You've never held back before! Do it! Please!" I yell, tears streaming down my face. I turn my back to her, exposing my gem. She shakes her head sadly. "Lapis… What did we do to you?" she murmurs. I collapse on the ground, not wanting to feel at all.

Every storm has to end sometime. I don't even remember how long it took. I remember that Pearl left soon after I saw her. I don't blame her. Who'd want to be near me? I'm a wreck. I sit down at the edge of the beach, my feet resting in the ocean waves. My emotions choke me like weeds. I hear soft footsteps behind me. "Hey." I say. I already know who it is. "Hey." It's Peridot. "Are you… okay?" Peridot asks. I look her in the eyes. "Okay, so I know that you're not okay. Pearl told us what she saw. But you need to pull it together. You're better than this." Peridot says. I snort. "I'm not better than this. I don't deserve to be here." I mutter. Peridot looks at me with sympathy in her eyes. "Lapis…" she murmurs. "Why are you here, Peridot?" I mutter. She sighs. "This is about more than the past two weeks with the Crystal Gems, isn't it? Something else is bothering you." She says. I lean backwards, laying down on the wet sand. "Does it matter?" I ask, indifferent. "It does to me." She says. I sigh. "You're not going to give up on this, are you?" I ask. "No." she firmly replies. I sit up again. "Alright, you want to know?" I ask. "You know the answer." She responds. I stare into her eyes. "Alright. But don't say that I didn't warn you."

I sigh. "I mean… the Gems almost shattered me. And it was one of the worst experiences of my life. But… I'm just one gem. If they'd gone through with shattering me, they'd only have one death on their conscience. I've shattered hundreds of gems, ended thousands of lives. And I always knew that I was bad. But now that I've been on the other end of the spear, I understand how terrible I really was. It hurts to even try to think of how much I've hurt others. I scare myself. How can I trust myself, knowing what I've done? I'm a horrible person." I say. Peridot holds my hand. "You're not a bad person." She says. I glare at her. "Yes, I am. I'm a monster." I respond. "No, you're not. You've helped us so much since you came to the island. You saved us from Jasper." She says. My gaze darkens. "Jasper just proves my point." I mutter. Peridot looks at me with concern. "What? When you fused with her, you saved us. She would've attacked us. Now that she's freed, she's already hurt Steven. You saved us from her for as long as you could. That's amazing." Peridot says. I look away. "It's not amazing. Do you know what went on inside of Malachite's head? I had to constantly bind her, use all of my strength to keep her down. It felt like I was dying. But I was on top, controlling it. I had it easy. Jasper was trapped beneath the waters, constantly struggling to be freed. For the few moments I spent down there, it felt like I was constantly drowning." I say, squeezing my eyes shut. It hurts just to think about it. Peridot is silent.

"I know that I hurt Jasper more than anyone should ever have to bear. Our fusion was toxic. But I wasn't the worst victim." I murmur. Peridot hugs me, but I don't react. "It's okay, you're free now. You're going to be fine." Peridot says. A tear drops off my face. "No, I'm not free. Sometimes… I think like Jasper, see things the way she would. I can still feel her malice, her rage. And it's even worse, because I understand it now. Sometimes, I do things that she would do. It's like when we fused, a part of her stayed with me. But what scares me more is that a part of me went to her. I don't want her to understand me. I don't even want to understand her. But I do, and it's terrifying. I know that she's not one to give up. The fact that we haven't seen her or battled her means that she has a plan. One that'll change everything. And I'm too broken to fight her. This isn't over yet. I'm still trapped." I say. Tears stream freely down my face.

Amethyst: "How much longer?" I ask, standing in the cave with Jasper. She grins. "Less than a month. Keep checking back with me, and I'll tell you when I'm ready. I sigh. "Fine. But make it quick. I think the others are getting suspicious." I mutter. Her grin widens. "Don't worry. They'll know soon enough."


	12. Set Up

**This next arc is gonna be a recovery arc, but still with action, drama, character dev, etc. Quote taken from the song snowblind. Tnx k have fun reading so tired augh sdfhadsfl;khas;l**

Lapis: I feeling something press against my gem. "What are you doing, Steven? She's trying to sleep." I think that was Peridot. "You said that she was messed up, so I tried to heal her." Steven replies. Oh. Was that how they saw me? Whatever. I didn't care. "Steven, that's not how it works. She's not physically hurt, she's mentally hurt. We just have to give her time." Peridot gently explained. I slowly blinked my eyes open, trying to feign waking up. "Oh! Good morning Lapis!" Steven said, beaming at me. I managed a weak smile. "Morning, Steven." I replied. I glanced around, and found myself inside Steven's house. I'd fallen asleep on the beach last night, so I guessed that Peridot had carried me home. "Are you feeling better today, Lapis?" Steven asked, a hopeful smile on his face. "Yeah, a little." I replied, wanting to make him happy. His smile widened. "Good! It's so great to see you happy again." He replied, beaming. I stood up and ruffled his hair. He laughed. "Hopefully you'll be seeing me happy a lot more often." I replied. I wasn't really feeling much better, but I was getting better at faking it.

Amethyst: I was walking in the forest, when I heard a twig snap behind me. I whipped around, trying to find the source. "Come on out. I know you're there." I yelled. A blushing Pearl walked out from behind the trees. "I'm sorry, Amethyst. It's just… you keep sneaking off into the woods with no explanation for where you're going. I just wanted to know." She said. I sighed. Luckily, I wasn't close to the pool yet. "It's fine. Do you want to head back?" I asked. Pearl looked to the side. "I wanted to know where you're going." She murmured. "No, I'd rather go back to the house. Spend some quality time with Steven and Lapis." I replied. I'd said Lapis' name scathingly. I hated her for ruining everything. Pearl narrowed her eyes. "You're hiding something, Amethyst." She quietly said. "Wha- No I'm not!" I responded. "Then why won't you tell anyone where you're going?" Pearl scoffed. I sighed, and stomped back to the house. I could feel Pearl's eyes watching me leave, but I didn't care. Let her try to figure it out.

Lapis: I sat down on a moss covered log in the forest, sobbing. Why was I so horrible? I scream out to the sky. I can't take this anymore. I can't lash out at anyone else. I summon the water from my gem. I usually use it to make my water wings, but today I use it to form a crystalline ice knife. I extend my left arm. The skin there is blue and soft. I hold the knife out in my right arm, trembling. I know what I have to do. I press the tip of the knife against my skin. It feels cold to the touch. No, I can't do this. With tears spilling from my eyes, I drop the knife onto the ground. My arm is unharmed. I refuse to hurt myself. It's not even an option, I refuse to let it be. "Why am I so weak?" I yell. No one answers. Am I too weak to hurt myself, or am I just too strong? I walked back to the camp, struggling to wipe the tears away from my eyes.

Peridot: "So, Steven. You're a human. How does that work?" I asked. I heard Lapis scoff behind me. I conveniently ignored her. Steven laughed. "I'm just like a human, but with gem powers." He explained. "Yeah, I know all of that, but I don't care. I meant what's it like to be a human?" I asked. Steven laughed. "Oh, that. Well, I have to eat, and-" he starts, but I cut him off. "Where are you getting food from around here?" I ask. "Oh, no one's shown you? Come with me." He replies, walking towards the fields in front of the house. "Hey, Lapis, do you want to come along?" I asked. She sat on a log, blankly staring into space. "No." she said. I didn't think that she was getting better, despite what she'd said earlier. "Alright! See you later." I replied, following Steven.

We stop at the edge between the field and the beach. "Wow." I murmured. Steven beamed. We were standing in front of a small farm field. "Yup! We found palm trees here, so I've been eating coconuts. We also have carrots, broccoli, and potatoes in the farm beds, and apples in the forest. I even eat some native plants." He says. "This is amazing, Steven!" I exclaim. He smiles at his crops. "So, do you ever bring them to life? I mean, you have the powers of Rose Quartz, so I assumed." I question. He looks at me with wonder. "Oh, yeah! I forgot that I could do that! Let me try!" He exclaimed. He walked up to a coconut tree, and started kicking it. A plump coconut fell at his feet. He gently licked it, and I had to laugh. He looked so sweet and innocent. After a moment, the coconut started to bark. Steven picked it up in his arms. "Aww, look, it's a little coconut dog! What should we call it?" he said, laughing. "What about coconut dog mark one?" I asked. He shook his head. "Peridot, we can't name him by his species name and… version? He's too cute for that." He responded, smiling. I sighed. "Alright then, what about Cocoa?" I asked. Steven smiled and nodded.

Lapis: I sit on the beach, staring out over the ocean. Water is supposed to be my forte, but yet I still feel powerless. Malachite made me feel stronger, but it hurt more than I could've ever fathomed. I was so confused… I commanded a wave of water to wash out over the beach. I let it flow over my feet, my legs, my chest, and eventually, it rose over my head. As a gem, I couldn't drown. The concept is still there. I let the torrent pull me down to the bottom of the ocean. I couldn't stop thinking of Malachite. I absent mindedly commanded water chains to my wrists. I gasped; I wasn't ready for this. I started to struggle against the chains. It felt too much like before. I screamed, but only bubbles arose from my mouth. I clenched my eyes shut, wanting to block it all out. A small part of me hoped that if I faced this, that I wouldn't be afraid anymore. It wasn't working. I flailed against the iron grip of the chains. I could feel my heart racing against my chest. My eyes started to grow blurry. Everything faded to black.

I woke up on the sandy ocean floor. The torrent had stopped, my hands were freed. It was like a nightmare, but I kept doing it for the thrill. My mind swarmed with images of Malachite. I shook my head. I had to let it go. It had only been an hour, but it felt like longer. It was like I was choking on my own agony. I hated being here. I wished that I'd never been born. I stared off into the ocean blue. I couldn't afford to think like that. Steven and Peridot seemed to care. I had to stick around. I let myself float to the ocean surface. The sun was finally starting to set. I drearily trudged back to camp.

Amethyst: "Good to see you're finally back, runt. It's been a while." Jasper said, looking down at her work. "Yeah, I know. I was being watched by the others. I had to make sure that I wasn't being followed." I replied. "Don't give me any excuses. Anyways, with all of that peace and quiet, it's finally ready." Jasper said, turning to me with a smile. "Okay. What do you want me to do?" I asked. Jasper's grin widened.

"Hey, Lapis. Do you want to… talk… about stuff? I mean… It's always been kind of rocky between us, and I thought… maybe we needed to talk it out?" I asked. Jasper had told me to lead Lapis alone to a certain place. She'd take care of the rest. Lapis looked at me suspiciously. "I never thought that you'd ask to talk. Maybe to fight or duel, but not to talk." She said, her eyebrow raised. I start sweating. "Yeah, well, I've had a change of heart. So do you want to do this or not?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. She sighed. "Whatever, sure." She deadpanned. "Great. Hey, I know a great spot to go where the others won't hear us, in case you want to keep it private. Want to try?" I ask, trying desperately to sound casual. She shrugged. "Let's go. I say, awkwardly walking off into the woods.

Pearl: "Hey, Garnet, look. Amethyst's going into the forest again. But this time, she's taking Lapis with her." I whispered, watching the two trek into the woods. Garnet sighed. "And I suppose you want to invade their privacy and follow them?" she asks. I nod. "Amethyst is hiding something. Something big. I want to find out what." I say, squinting at their figures. Garnet nods, and we sneak after them.

Peridot: Steven, Cocoa, and I happily walk back to the house, ready to introduce our new companion. "Hey, Peridot, look." Steven says, pointing at the forest. We watch as Amethyst, Lapis, Pearl, and Garnet all head off into the woods. "We should probably follow them just to make sure they're okay." He says. I nod. "Let's go."


	13. Reunion

**Yup.**

Amethyst: I'm sweating, and I desperately cling to the hope that Lapis doesn't notice. She's already suspicious enough. I feel bad that she couldn't say goodbye, but what does it matter? We're almost to the meet up point; the top of the mountain in the island. Jasper chose it because it was as far away from water as you could get. "Why is this so far away?" Lapis asks, deadpanning. "It's very quiet, and you can see a lot." I say. We walk onto the clearing at the top of the mountain. "Here we are." I say, trying to figure out what Jasper is planning. "You know I could've just flown up here, right?" she says. I flush. "Right. It's just… uh…" I stutter. Lapis narrows her eyes at me. What she doesn't see is the large orange figure creeping up behind her. I try to keep my cool. "Yeah, I know. But I didn't want you to have to carry me if you weren't comfortable with it." I say, trying to sound confident. Thankfully, she buys it, and doesn't notice anything until Jasper grabs her. "Jasper!" I hear a scream, but it's not Lapis. It's Pearl. We've been followed.

Steven: "Do you hear someone shrieking?" I ask. Peridot nods. "Let's go check." She says. We scramble up the rest of the mountain, and find- "Lapis." I whisper. Peridot tenses as if she's about to leap forward, but I hold her back. "Peridot, wait. The others are already there. We should stay hidden, just in case." I whisper. She nods, and we stay under the cover of a boulder. Cocoa almost blows our cover, but I grab him in my arms. "Not yet." I murmur.

"Alright, looks like we have some visitors. But hey, it's cool. I have a backup plan for this." Jasper says, pulling Lapis closer to her. It almost looks like a hug; Jasper has her arms wrapped against Lapis' thin body. But what sets it apart is the knife pointed at Lapis' gem. "Let her go, Jasper." Pearl says, drawing her spear. "Stop your groveling. I'm getting off this planet, and there's nothing you can do about it." Jasper said. Lapis wasn't struggling, which was smart. If she moved too much, she could crack her gem. "Now, I bet you're wondering what makes this knife so special, right?" Jasper asks, looking at the surrounding crowd of gems. "Loving the interest here. But, aside from the fact that I made it with my bare hands, it's poisoned. Unless you want me to poison her gem, let us talk." Jasper said, grinning. No one moved an inch.

Lapis: I could feel Jasper's steady heartbeat against my chest. There was no room between us. "Lapis, listen to me." Jasper whispered. I sighed. "Fuse with me. Let's make Malachite again. Together, we can fly off this miserable planet!" Jasper excitedly murmured. My heart skipped a beat. "Why would you ever want to endure Malachite again?" I said. I couldn't ever bear to be her again. I never wanted to feel like that again. I didn't want to be more of a monster than I already was. "Besides, if I go back to Homeworld, they'll shatter me." I murmur. She lifts up my head to level her own. "But you can be free of this place! The Crystal Gems have treated you like dirt! Maybe you won't be sentenced to death on Homeworld. So please, fuse with me." Jasper murmured, staring into my eyes. I gulped. If I said no, she'd hurt me. But if I said yes, I'd be hurting both of us. Part of me hoped that if I didn't answer, I wouldn't get hurt. A silence rang out across the clearing. "Come on, Lapis. Time's ticking." Jasper whispered, pressing her knife harder against my gem. "I've had enough of this. Try fighting us instead!" Pearl yelled from across the clearing. Jasper turned, and it seemed as though fire was coursing through my ribs. "Pearl! Watch where you aim your spear!" Garnet yelled. Pearl must've tried to hit Jasper, but Jasper must've moved so it ended up hitting me instead. I groan. Jasper pulled me closer yet. "Give me your answer, Lapis. Or look at all these people who I could hurt instead. Jasper turned me around so I could see the Crystal Gems. I couldn't let anyone get hurt because of me. "Do you need a reminder of how serious this is? This is your last chance." Jasper says. I stay silent. I feel her knife lazily flick across my face. It feels like acid is coursing through my veins. I scream. "Give me your answer, Lapis." Jasper whispers. "I'll never fuse." I whisper through gritted teeth. I hear Jasper's roar of anger, and I wait for the final blow.

Steven: "We have to do something!" Peridot furiously whispers. I nod. What could we do? Cocoa suddenly escapes my grasp. "Cocoa, no!" I furiously whisper. The dog runs into the clearing, sitting at Jasper's feet. "What is this? Another abomination?" Jasper grunts. Using Cocoa as a distraction, I fling my shield at Jasper. It hits her in the face, and she falls onto her side, letting Lapis roll out of her arms. Jasper turns to face me. "Rose. It never ceases to amazing me that you find every way possible to thwart my plans. I'll shatter you for this!" Jasper yells. She starts to sprint towards me, and I freeze. Suddenly, two water hands hit her into the sky. Jasper retreats into her gem, and flies out over the island, landing in the ocean. "Lapis!" I yell, overjoyed. She's shakily standing up, using the water stored in her gem for her hands. Our eyes meet for a moment before she collapses to the ground.


	14. After Effects

**Lol yeah this is gonna be a recovery arc. Did you remember that Jasper saw the poison berries in like the chapter before lapis gets captured? Also anyone else have déjà vu last chapter? Wow MS word autocorrect deja so it had the accents what a neat trick. Can you tell that it's late at night? Because my thoughts are jumbled and I make no sense what a fun chapter this will be.**

Lapis: My head hits the ground with a loud thump. My vision shakes. All I can hear is the ringing in my own ears. What happened? Oh, that's right. I've been poisoned. I try to stand up, but I'm not even sure if I've moved. All I can tell is that I'm drifting in and out of a dreary consciousness. "Help me." I try to say, but the words never leave my parted lips. I feel darkness coming, and I treat it like an old friend.

Steven: "Lapis!" I yell, running across the clearing to her lifeless form. "Lapis?" I say, shaking her shoulder. She groans, but doesn't really respond. "What's wrong with her? Can't she hear me?" I say, tears welling up in my eyes. The others walk over to me. "Steven, try to heal her. We don't know what's wrong. Gems don't usually get poisoned…" Pearl says, trailing off. I lick my hand, and put it on her gem. It glows a bright blue, but Lapis still doesn't respond. "Lapis?" I whisper. Silence is my only response. Garnet puts her hand on my shoulder. "Let's take her back to the house." She says, picking Lapis up at the waist. Her thin blue form is draped over Garnet's arms, and I can't help but think how weak she appears. But looks can be deceiving. "It's alright, Steven. She… At least she never gave in. She was strong. Do you understand?" Garnet asks, putting her hand on my head. I nod. "Good." She says, turning away. We head back to the house.

I can't help but notice how everyone is reacting so differently. Pearl keeps worriedly glancing at Lapis' ribs, the spot where her spear mistakenly struck the ocean gem's body. Peridot is biting her nails; she looks frantic and scared, and I don't blame her. She's Lapis' closest friend, and the most concerned for her mental well-being. Amethyst has a look of horror plastered on her face. I can't explain why. Garnet looks as calm and collected as ever. As for me – I'm concerned for my friend. Lapis can't really react to her poisoning because – well, she's the one who's been poisoned. Hard to feel anything when you're unconscious.

We reach the house, and Garnet lays Lapis down on the worn wooden floor. I take a good look at her face, and I winced. A dark thin streak ran across the right side of her face. The area around it was purple and blotchy. "Let's give her some space." Garnet says. She takes one look around our ragtag team, and smiles. "Look how much we've grown. We all started out hating her; and look at us now. We've grown to love each other and care for one another. Even something as horrible as this has its upsides. Let's go to bed. Sleep will do us all good." Garnet says. We disperse into the night, each of us going to our separate areas. Some of us sought out company, others saw sleep as the answer. We were all so different, but we all still cared. Maybe there was hope for us yet.

Lapis: I struggled to retake my consciousness once more. I understood how Jasper must've felt when we were fused; constantly fighting to be on top. I felt immense sorrow for her. "I'm sorry!" I yelled. No one answered. "No… why should I feel sorry for her?" I murmur to myself. She's threatened to shatter me three times now. I've survived all three. I let myself relax a bit. What does it matter that I'm still asleep? Maybe I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I'd been so messed up lately… No, I was right; I needed time to myself. I wasn't going to try to wake up until then.

Amethyst: I lay down on a mossy log in the forest, staring up at the starry sky. The sleep that normally came so easily evaded my grasp tonight. "What have I done?" I murmur to myself. I never thought that Jasper would try something that horrible… she'd never told me the specifics of her plan. But poison – that was crossing a certain line. My guilt washed over me in waves. Why had I ever trusted Jasper? I'd only helped her because I'd been mad at Lapis for insulting me. But now, with my help, I'd hurt her much worse than she'd ever hurt me. "Why am I such an idiot?" I scream. The only listeners were the silent stars above.

Peridot: I wake up, and find that the sun hasn't risen quite yet. It's still early, and the only people who were awake were those who never slept. I walked inside the wooden shack, and over to Lapis' lifeless form. "Can you hear me?" I whispered. Of course she couldn't. But it… helped somehow. Just talking to her face. I sat down next to her, and held her hand, just like we'd used to.

Lapis: I felt like I was choking, like my heart was being squeezed. My anxiety attacks were back, even in my sleep. "Help…" I whispered. It hurt just to utter those few words. My mind replayed every bad thing I'd ever done. Insulting, shattering, screaming. Was I insane yet? I felt insane. "I'm such a horrible person…" My voice trailed off. No, I couldn't say that. I wanted to recover so badly, it hurt. If I wanted to heal, I had to stop thinking of myself like a wounded duck. I had to think of the opposite, things I'd done well. My traumas may always stay with me, but my reactions can change. I thought of all the good I'd done. I'd saved Peridot from being captured by Pearl. I hadn't shattered anyone in thousands of years. I'd stopped Jasper from hurting other gems twice now. My body relaxed. I let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "It's okay." I murmured. It would be okay; if not now, then one day.


	15. Antidote

**Idk where I'm going I've published chapters 8-13 today and it's still a school day. Like wow, flip heck Auremberite, you're writing pretty fast. :D Also, cohesion is a real life science thing that exists. Google it.**

Steven: Golden sunlight lazily stretched across my face. It was finally daytime. It had been four days since we'd seen Jasper. Four days since Lapis had been awake. I stretched my arms up to the sky. I hadn't slept well recently. I walked over to the wooden shack I called home. Lapis lay there, as still as ever. I wanted to try to heal her face, but if I came in contact with the poison… I don't like to think about it. "Hey, Steven." Peridot says. She would stay in here at night in case Lapis woke up. I yawned. "Hey, Peridot. Any signs of movement?" I lazily asked. Peridot shook her head, dejected. I sighed. "Do you think that she'll be like this for much longer?" I ask. Peridot opened her mouth to reply, but someone else beat her to the response. "If you're up for it, tonight I have an idea to get her to wake up." I looked over to the doorway. "Hi Garnet. Do you actually have a plan?" I asked, hopefully. "Yeah. Too bad I won't be here to see it happen." She replied. We'd been sending two gems out every day to try to find Jasper. No such luck. "So what's the plan?" I asked. She grinned. "Remember how you can sometimes connect to other people's dreams?" she asked. I matched her grin.

As nighttime fell, Pearl and Garnet went on patrol to find Jasper, while Peridot, Amethyst, and I stayed here. I walked into the house with a makeshift pillow. "You ready?" Peridot asked me. I nodded, and laid down. "Ready." I replied. "Steven? When you see Lapis, tell her that I miss her." Peridot said. I drifted off into a lazy sleep.

I'm surrounded by darkness. "Hello?" I ask. All I can hear is a faint muttering. I try to walk forwards, but I can't move. "Hello?" I yell, this time much louder. The sounds around me grow louder. "Steven?" My name echoes through the darkness. "Lapis? Is that you?" I ask. I can see a faint blue outline up ahead, but neither of us can move an inch. "Please, Steven, leave me alone. I have to stay here!" Lapis yells. I shake my head. "Wake up, Lapis. You don't belong here. You need to come back to us. We all miss you so much. Wake up!" I yell. She looks away. "No. I can't go back yet. Try to understand-" Lapis starts but I cut her off. "Peridot told me to say that she misses you. Please, come back with me." I yell. I hear her sigh. "It won't work, but I'll try." She says. I nod, and jolt awake.

Peridot's face is the first thing I see. "Steven! What happened?" she asks, staring down at me. I sit upwards. "She said that she'll try." I respond. Our gazes travel to Lapis. Her eyes start to blink open. Peridot gasps. But something's going wrong. Lapis is struggling to take control. "The poison." I mutter. It's still having an effect on her. "Can't…" she mutters, wincing. "Lapis, please. Try to stay awake. You can do it." I say, holding her hand. Her eyes stare blankly off into space. "I can't hold it… don't come back…" she mutters. I shake my head, but Peridot speaks for me. "Okay, Lapis. But please, try to get better. We'll try to heal you. It'll be okay." She says. Lapis relaxes, and all is still again.

Peridot is pacing around the room. "So we know that it isn't her fault. It's the poison. What can we do to fix it?" Peridot mutters to herself. I look down at Lapis. "What if we found where the poison came from, and tried to make an antidote?" I suggested. Peridot whipped around to face me. "Steven! That's genius! I'll go right now!" Peridot says, sprinting out of the room. "Peridot, wait! Where are you going? You don't even know what the poison is made of!" I yell. I can barely hear her response. "Yeah, but we know where the knife is." I let her run off.

Amethyst: I've been listening in on the conversation with Lapis, and I must say, I'm quite impressed with the ocean gem. When she'd said that she was stronger than me, all those weeks ago back when she was still our captive, she was right. I would never be brave enough to try that. Why had I ever thought this was a good idea? This was all my fault.

It's been a week since Lapis was awake, and nothing big has happened. No Jasper, no Lapis, no solution. Once I'm sure that everyone is away, I enter the small house. I sit down next to Lapis. "Hey, Lapis. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry. If I hadn't been so petty, you'd still be healthy. I was just mad about that petty argument, and so I wanted revenge. I'm really sorry." I say. A single tear drips down my face. I stand up, and walk away. She probably couldn't hear me anyways.

Lapis: I'd heard every word that Amethyst had spoken. I've been struggling for the past few days to regain consciousness, but to no avail. I can almost hear and see, but I'm not quite there. I thought that I was healed, but I wasn't. Tears dripped down my face. Had Amethyst really betrayed me like this? I didn't want to believe it. I was trapped again because I'd insulted her, and she'd gotten mad. I yelled out in frustration. No, I needed to stop. If she was proud of her actions, she wouldn't have told me. She had wanted to me to know that she was sorry, even if she couldn't say it face to face yet. I let out a deep breath. It's okay. I let myself relax. When the time comes, I'll be ready.

Peridot: I run into the house. "I've figured out how to cure her!" I yell. Steven runs up behind me. "Peridot… you can't just leave me in the middle of the woods." He pants. I give an embarrassed laugh. "Sorry, Steven. But I finally figured it out!" I say, my voice filled with glee. Amethyst, who'd been sitting against the wall, stands up. "So what's the cure?" she asks, her voice spiked with disbelief. I grin. "Well, you know what the property of cohesion is, right?" I ask. They shake their heads. I give an over exaggerated sigh. "It's the property which states that molecules are attracted to like molecules. For example, water molecules are subtly attracted to other water molecules." I say. They nod their heads, but I doubt that they understand. "Anyways, I figured that every time we try to heal Lapis with Steven's powers, it heals the outside wound, but not the poison inside. The poison already in her then re opens the wound. So I figured that if we mix Steven's healing spit with a little of the same type of poison…" I say, waiting for them to finish my sentence. Instead, they merely stare at me with anticipation. I sigh. "Then through the property of cohesion, the poison will be attracted to the poison already inside her, and the healing spit will finally work." I say. Both Steven and Amethyst look confused, so I simplify. "I mix healing spit and poison, and it all works." I say. They both smile. Why am I stuck working with idiots?

I hold out my hand to reveal multiple dark purple berries. "I've finally figured out that this is what the poison was made of. Steven, your healing spit?" I say. He spits on the poison berries in my hands. "Yeah, that was a great idea, Peridot. Have Steven spit on your hand. I really should think things through first." I mutter to myself. I hesitantly walk over to Lapis. I take in a deep breath, and put the antidote on her wound. It starts to glow. I take a step back. Would this work?

Lapis: I feel as though I let out a breath I didn't know that I was holding. My vision started to clear… I could see Peridot standing over me, her face showing nothing but concern. "Lapis… Are you awake?" she tentatively asks. I sit up and hug her. I can feel her embrace me back, and I can hear her quiet sobs. "I thought that I'd lost you forever." She whispers. I give a small smile. "I'm still here. It's okay." I whisper back. I was finally free.


	16. Released

**Lapis has finally recovered and is more mentally stable than we've ever seen her in this book. Nice. Also, it's shown in the canon episode "Ocean Gem" that Lapis can stand/sit on water.**

Lapis: I take a deep breath in. It feels nice to be able to breathe. I haven't been fully awake in a while. "Peridot, how long have I been asleep?" I asked, pulling out of her embrace. She looks away. "Maybe one or two weeks, I guess. We all missed you a lot." She said. "Lapis? How do you feel?" A concerned Steven looks over at me. I smile. "I feel fine. It's a lot better than being in a coma." I said. He gives a small laugh. I tried to stand up, but immediately fell back down. I glance down at my chest, and find a small gash on my lower ribs. "Oh, hey, forgot about that." I murmur, remembering the time Pearl's spear had mistakenly hit me. Steven rushes over to heal me, and I gladly oblige. I knew that I'd still need help to recover, but at this point I welcomed it. I would heal.

I lean against the wooden wall of the shack, trying to re accustom myself to being awake. "So, Lapis. How much do you remember from meeting Jasper?" Steven asks. I shake my head. "Just bits and pieces. A flash of a memory here and there." I respond, closing my eyes. After being in the dark so long, closing my eyes helped to calm me down. "I know that I was on a mountain, but not why. I remember that Jasper told me to fuse with her, and because I didn't give her an answer, she hurt me. Badly. I remember using the water from my gem to attack Jasper. Then it all fades…" I trail off. The others look at me nervously. "Is… something wrong?" I ask. They all avert their eyes. "No. It's all good." Steven says, looking away. He's always been a horrible liar. I shrug my shoulders. "Whatever. I'm going to go outside. Be with nature and stuff." I say, walking through the doorway. The others follow suit. I use my water wings to fly off into the depths of the woods.

Amethyst: We watch as Lapis flies off into the woods, leaving us behind. I turn around to the others. "So… were we just not going to mention anything about her face?" I ask, looking at the others. "What about her face?" Steven questions. I raise my eyebrow. How could Steven not have seen it? "I mean, she has a scar from where Jasper hit her with the knife. How are we going to tell her? We have to tell her that she has a mark on her face before we heal it." I say. Peridot shakes her head. "No, it won't go away. Ever. When we healed her, there was still poison in the antidote. That poison stays within her. Even if we tried to heal that scar, there will still be more poison in that antidote too. No, she's going to bear that mark forever." The green gem says, looking away. "Shouldn't we tell her before she finds out herself?" I say, confused. "No. I mean, she won't find out herself. We don't even have any mirrors on the island. It's better not to worry her or make her feel self-conscious." Peridot responds. I sigh. "Whatever, dude. But if she finds out, I'm not taking the blame." I say, walking away. "Amethyst, where are you going?" Steven calls. I glance over my shoulder. "To see where she's gone. You know that it takes her forever to come back when she's emotional, and I have a feeling that Pearl and Garnet are going to want to talk to her when she gets back." I say. What I really wanted to do was apologize for helping Jasper hurt her in the first place.

Lapis: I stop flying when I reach a small pond. Water has always been my escape. I sit down on the surface, not knowing what I'm doing. I don't really have anything to do anymore. I don't really know who I am, or what I should do with my life. I'd had so little freedom, and I'd spent most of it trapped. I look down at my reflection. Who was I? I noticed that the water was distorting my face. I swiped at the water, trying to clear it. When the water stilled, there was still a mark on my face. I put my hand up to my cheek, and found a raised edge traveling across my face. This must've been where Jasper had hit me. How could the other gems have known, but not said anything? Waves started to ripple across the pond. My anger was building. "Hey." I glanced over my shoulder, and found Amethyst.

"What do you want?" I say, calming the waters. Amethyst walked up to the edge of the pond, and sat down on the marshy banks. "I just wanted to talk, dude." She said, not meeting my eyes. I walked up to the edge of the pond, and sat down on the water across from her. "Then talk. But why don't you leave out an important detail while you're at it?" I say, looking away. "What?" Amethyst said, confused. I pointed to my face. The water started to ripple again. "Oh, that. It wasn't my idea not to tell you. Sorry." Amethyst quietly says. "Sorry? You gems are impossible!" I say. The water started to rise behind me. All I could hear was the ringing in my own ears. Amethyst started to back up. I could tell that I was getting out of control. I took a deep breath, and the water subsided. "Sorry, I'm just… angry in general. I'm trying not to be, but I am." I said, looking away. What I didn't say was that I thought that my anger was a side effect of being fused with Jasper. I was still too much like her. "Dude, it's fine. No worries." Amethyst said, stretching out.

I sigh. "Why are you really here, Amethyst?" I ask. "I wanted to apologize to you for something. Please, I know that you'll be mad, but I'm really sorry, dude." She says, rubbing her shoulder. "I know already. I heard what you said earlier, when you talked about you and Jasper. Even though I was still in a coma, I could still hear." I say, not meeting her eyes. "So… You're not mad?" she says apprehensively. "I'm mad at your actions, but I'm not mad at you. I know you feel guilty. I'd rather just forgive you already." I said, looking off to the side. "Jasper never told me what she was going to do to you." Amethyst said. "Yeah, I bet you never expected her to do this." I said, pointing at my face. She silently shakes her head. We sit in silence for a minute, averting each other's eyes. "Are you okay?" Amethyst asks, looking up. I give a small laugh. "The amount of times I've heard that phrase in the past few weeks... But yeah, I'm okay. Or at least better than I was before. I'm… less emotional about stuff now. Bad things happen, it sucks, and I just have to move on." I say, looking up at the pale blue sky. "Do you think that Jasper is going to give up?" Amethyst presses. I shake my head. "Until she's either shattered, bubbled, or off planet, she'll never stop. She knows that the only way off of this island is through Malachite. It's only a matter of time before she attacks again." I say with a sigh. Amethyst looks me in the eyes. "That's really bad, dude. It's not something that you should accept." She says. I lazily lay down on the water. "I'm okay with it." I say, ignoring her advice. "I mean, we've been looking for Jasper even since you poofed her on the mountain. Garnet and Pearl have been gone for the past week searching." I sit up. "Were they supposed to be gone that long?" I wearily ask. She shakes her head. Fear washes over me. "We have to find them. Now." I determinedly say. She shrugs. "I mean, they could just be chilling without us. Enjoying some peace and quiet." Amethyst says, stifling a yawn. I shake my head. "Do you really think Pearl actually 'relaxes'?" I ask, skeptical. Amethyst looks me in the eyes. "No, you're right. Let's go find them."

Amethyst stands up and starts to walk off, but I stop her. "Amethyst, wait. Do you know where you're going?" I ask. She looks back at me and shakes her head. I use my water wings to stand up. "Well, where are places that we know Jasper could be?" I ask. Amethyst thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I mean, we could check her base." Amethyst says, looking down at the ground. "Okay, sure. Where's that?" I ask. She stays silent for a moment, and I follow her gaze. "Underground? I seriously expected better from her." I said. Amethyst gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I know, right? But her location was spot on. The entrance is at the bottom of this little pool." Amethyst says with a small laugh. I stare at the pool, shocked. I hadn't expected the possibility that Jasper could be so close. I gulp. Amethyst looks at me. "Are you sure that you're up for this, dude? It's okay if you don't want to see Jasper again." Amethyst says, casting a worried glance in my direction. I shake my head. "I want to do this. I want to pay Jasper back." I say, absently putting my hand up to my scar. Amethyst nods, and dives into the lake. I take a deep breath, and follow suit.

"I didn't expect it to be so dark." I murmured. I felt like I was trapped. I started to break out into a cold sweat. What if Jasper overtook me down here? She must know every inch of these caves, and yet here I am, having a mental breakdown only a few feet into the cave. I opened my water wings, and started to fly off. Amethyst called after me. "Lapis, wait! Dude, come back. It'll be okay! Just breathe!" Amethyst yells. I realize that she's right, and I take a deep breath. Amethyst walks up to me. "It's okay if you can't handle this. Just wait here, and I'll be back soon." She says, putting her hand on my shoulder. I brush it off. "No, I can do this. I have to do this." I mutter, walking forwards. She shrugs, and runs to catch up with me.

As the already dim natural light fades, Amethyst activates the light from her gem. She looks at me, grinning. I sigh, and turn my own gem's light on. Being located in my back, the deep blue light wasn't doing much for us. "Yeah, because that helps us so much. A dark colored light pointed in the wrong direction." I mutter. Amethyst snickers. "Whatever, dude. Let's just get this over with." I say, slightly annoyed. At least my gem placement made sense in regards to my wings.

I can't help but admire Amethyst's cool attitude in the caves. Amethyst catches me staring, and I look away, embarrassed. "What? Am I doing something that displeases you, Lazuli?" Amethyst asks, raising an eyebrow. "How are you so calm down here? I mean… you seem so at ease underground. I don't get it…" I said, trailing off. I was internally freaking out. Ever since being a mirror, I hadn't liked being confined, and ever since being poisoned, I'd hated the dark. She laughs. "I was born on Earth in a Kindergarten. Since I spent too long in the ground, everyone at the Kindergarten was already gone when I surfaced, so I lived there for a couple hundred years, surrounded by rock. I'm just used to it." She says, a small smile forming at the corners of her face. I nod, and look away. We're such different people, but we can still relate in a way. I hear footsteps behind us. Amethyst and I exchange glances, and start walking quickly. We can't afford to be caught by Jasper. The footsteps behind us quicken, and we break into a wild sprint for the exits. She's found us.


	17. Found

**So for this book I'm publishing the bare story outline with plot events first, and then as time goes on I'll enrich each chapter with new details. I struggle to do it initially, and I'd rather get my thoughts out first before adding fluff.**

Lapis: All I can hear is my own heavy panting. My anxiety levels are off the charts. I hated confined, dark spaces. And now I might die in one. It's scarier than a nightmare, and I can't wake up. Amethyst is faster than me, and she's tearing through these caves like a speed demon. She turns around to look at me. "Lapis, are you okay?" she asks. I'm not, but I can't let her see. "Go on ahead. I'll be fine. Just get out of here! I'm not as valuable as you are!" I yell, tears dripping from my face. I can't keep running for much longer. She nods, and uses her spin dash attack to zip through the cave. I stop running, and dive behind a rock at the edge of the cave passageway. Without Amethyst, there's no light source, and so I can't see. Hopefully Jasper can't either.

I hear footsteps pass me. I breathe out in relief. I was safe. I sit down against the hard cave wall, hugging my knees to my chest. I was so close to breaking down. The footsteps start coming back. "It must've just been our own echoes. I told you that Jasper wouldn't be down here. How long have we been trapped here?" It was only Pearl. "I don't know. It's hard to tell without the sun." Garnet coolly replied. It hadn't been Jasper at all. I stepped out from behind the rock. "Hey." I say. I feel a sudden blow to my stomach. I'm thrown back into the cave wall, my back slamming into the rough stone. I fall to the floor, my head spinning. I groan and put my hand to my head. I can feel a thick stream of blood slowly dripping down my neck and over my gem. "Jasper!" I hear Pearl's high pitched shriek echo through the cave. "Did you really mistake me for Jasper?" I ask with a small laugh, standing up slowly. I suddenly feel Pearl's spear point press against the flat of my chest. I turn my gem flashlight on. I hear a gasp of recognition. "Lapis? Is that… you? You're not poisoned? But how?" Pearl asks, lowering her spear. "Peridot finally came up with an antidote. It took almost two weeks, but here I am." I said with an empty smile. "But why are you down here, Lazuli?" Garnet asks, looking at me quizzically. I shrug. "Amethyst and I wanted to make sure that Jasper hadn't gotten you." I replied. The two gems glanced at each other. I rub my neck, feeling a steady trickle of blood. I wince, and start to walk off down the cave hallway. "Where are you going?" Pearl calls. I reply without turning around. "To find Amethyst and get out of here as quickly as I can."

Peridot: I rapidly pace in front of the wooden shack that I now call home. Steven walks over to me. "Hey Peridot, are you okay?" the young gem asks, a worried look plastered on his face. I shake my head. "It's just… Amethyst and Lapis should've been back by now. Where do you think they are?" I ask, my heart dully pounding in my chest. Steven gives me a small smile. "Aw, Peridot, it's so cute that you care for Lapis so much." He remarks. I blush. "What? No, I don't care." I say, not meeting his eyes. He gives me a knowing look. "Okay, so maybe I care a little. So what? I like Lazuli a normal amount." I stated, my face starting to flush. Steven smiles. "Peridot, it's okay to admit your feelings." He says. I shrug, and look away. He gives me a sly smile. "Okay, so I guess you care a normal amount, then. Whatever. So what do you think Lazuli is doing right now? Hanging out with Amethyst alone? Slowly becoming her best friend?" he says, grinning. My face fully flushes. "What? No! Lazuli is my best friend! Maybe more than that! Amethyst will never match up to that! Lazuli is loyal to me, and I'm loyal to her!" I say, my voice rising to a yell. Steven laughs. "Right, so you only care for her a 'normal amount', then?" he says. I look away. Maybe I do like Lazuli more than I'd like to admit. "Do… do you think that she feels the same way?" I question. Steven shrugs. "Why don't you just ask her?" he asks. I rub my shoulder. "Maybe I will." I murmur.

I hear the bushes rustling outside. Steven and I share a glance, and quickly run out of the doorway. Garnet and Pearl are walking to the house. Lapis is leaning on Amethyst, walking with a small limp. "Pearl! Garnet! You're okay!" Steven exclaims, running over to the two gems. I walk over to Lapis and Amethyst. "Are you okay Lazuli? What happened?" I ask, looking at Lapis with concern. She gives me a small smile. "There was a small accident." The blue gem replies. I look at her quizzically. "An accident? Really?" I ask, staring at her with disbelief. She rubs her shoulder. "Yeah. Apparently Garnet and Pearl thought that I was Jasper or whatever. It's not a big deal." Lapis replied, not meeting my eyes. I remembered how Lazuli hated herself for being like Jasper. I raised my eyebrow. "Look, can we talk about it later?" she asked, looking at the ground. I shouldn't push her too much. Looking at her lean on Amethyst, I know that I can't stand the thought of her and the purple gem becoming more than friends. I offer Lazuli my hand. "Do you want to sit down?" I ask, a kind smile growing on my face. She smiles and reaches out for my hand. I take her over to a log, and we sit down beside each other.

"Are you okay?" I ask, gazing at the blue sky. She gives a soft laugh. "I don't even know what okay is, Peri." She replies. I look at her quizzically. "What really happened, Lapis?" I ask, looking into her eyes. They're a deep blue, perfectly matching her gem. She sighs. "I thought that I would be ready to face Jasper, but I wasn't. I really freaked out down there. I could barely breathe. It was really bad. I thought I was getting better, but I'm not." She murmurs. I put my arm around her shoulder, and she flinches. "Sorry." She murmurs. I give her a small smile, and say, "You are getting better, Lapis. It just takes time. You're doing great." She leans into me, her head resting on my shoulder. I smile, and rest my head onto hers. I can hear her faint breathing, feel her warmth, see her eyes flutter closed. I wish that we could stay like this forever. I greet sleep like an old friend.

Jasper: It feels like I'm Malachite again, but I'm not. It feels like I'm constantly struggling against Lapis for control, but I'm not. It feels like I'm trapped at the bottom of the ocean, and I am. The waters churn too much for me to reform in this state. My scattered mind can barely register the crack going down my gem.

Lapis: I dream that I'm trapped underwater again, the waters churning around me. But this time I have no shape, I have no form. It feels like I'm stuck in my gem, cracked once again. I open my eyes and jolt upwards. I'm panting heavily, and cold sweat drips down my body. It seemed too real to be a dream.

I notice that Peridot is missing, so I walk over to the house hoping to find her inside. I walk through the doorway and find Peridot and Pearl sitting together drawing diagrams in the dirt, having what looks to be a serious conversation. "Morning Lapis." Peridot says, not looking up. "Hello Lazuli." Pearl says, glancing upwards at me. Her eyes linger over my scar, and I blush. After a moment, she still hasn't look away so I cough, and she averts her eyes. "Morning." I say, my voice steely. I sit down next to Peridot, avoiding Pearl's gaze. "Hey, Lazuli, check it out. We're coming up with ways to go back to Earth." Peridot says, indicating the drawings in the dirt. That's the last thing that I want. I never want to go back to Earth, or even Homeworld for that matter. I force a smile. "That's great." I say, hoping that my enthusiasm is believable. I notice Pearl staring at my scar again. Peridot must notice it too, for she glances between Pearl and me with unease. "If you have something to say Pearl, spit it out." I say with venom in my voice. She averts her eyes. "I… uh…" she stutters, averting my eyes. I glare back at her. "I never noticed that… blemish… on your face before, Lazuli." She says nervously. I angrily look down at the ground. Luckily, Peridot steps in for me. "Uh… Pearl? It was a… negative side effect a Jasper's poison. It's… permanent…" The green gem nervously says, her eyes darting between me and Pearl. The pale gem grimaces. "Lapis, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it was Jasper's fault." Pearl says, sympathy in her eyes. I hate having this… mark… on my face. Just another way Jasper had hurt me, never to go away. I take a deep breath. "It's fine. I'm fine. You didn't know what had happened." I say, still diverting my eyes. I hear Pearl let out a sigh. "It's just that every bad thing seems to happen to you, Lazuli. Everyone here on this island has hurt you at some point, except for Steven. I know that Jasper has hurt you badly. I've hurt you frequently." The pale gem says, trailing off. This was all about her inner guilt. She had a point, though. How many times had she hurt me since we got to this planet? I give a fake smile. "It's okay. I'm not mad. You had a good reason for most of it. I deserved a lot of it. It's in the past now." I say, standing up. "I'm going to go to the ocean for a bit. It feels like I haven't swum since… Malachite." I say, giving a nervous laugh. "See you guys later." I say, walking out of the door as quickly as I can.

Standing on the beach, I feel free. I walk out over the water and look at my reflection. The gash on my face stands out like a sore thumb. I use my hands to ripple the water, distorting my reflection. I hated having a mark on my face, a permanent reminder that Jasper was stronger than me, displayed to the world. I looked down at the water, sorrow building in my heart. I thought I saw an orange glow emanating from the sea floor. Curious, I let myself sink down to the ocean floor. As I grew close enough to see what was causing the light, I froze. I wanted to get away, but I couldn't. I was frozen in place with fear. I could see now that it was Jasper's gem. She was trying to regenerate, but her gem had a large crack down the middle. Had I done this to her? My mind swirled in a hundred different directions at once. I heard my body hit the sea floor, and that was all.

" _Lazuli! Let me go!" Jasper bellows. I only tug on the chains harder, pulling for all my life's worth. The effort cracks my gem even more. The pain sears through my back like a hot iron, and I scream. I hear Jasper's demented laugh rise from below. "Is that all you've got, Lazuli?" I hear her yell. Tears openly stream down my face. "Let me go, please!" I yell. Jasper laughs again. "Never! I can't hurt your friends, so I'll hurt you instead!" I lay on the ground, defeated. I'd given all that I had. I sunk down beneath the waters. Jasper was in control._

I wake up screaming.


	18. Conversation

**Yup**

Lapis: I lay silently crying on the ocean floor. Flashbacks flit in and out of my mind but I'm too broken to stop them. I know that I can't let myself be like this again. I'm too tired to help myself. It's like I'm Malachite again, stuck in the ocean with no way out of the prison I call my head.

Time has no meaning down here, and so I stare at the sea floor aimlessly, no rush to leave. I raise my head, looking at the edge of the ocean and the sky, freedom so close but just beyond my grasp. I sit up, my heart empty. Why should I leave? What would anyone care if I stayed down here? I sigh, and try to clear my thoughts. It never works. I have to think through my problems.

I sadly look over at Jasper's cracked gem. "I could end you. It wouldn't be hard. But I could save you too." I murmur, my thoughts a jumbled mess that I can't quite see through. "It seems that we've flipped positions. I'm strong, and you're cracked, laying at the bottom of the ocean." I murmur to no one in particular. I blink. Why was Jasper cracked in the first place? My mind drifts back to long ago.

 _All I can see is Jasper's orange skin pressed against my face. I feel her dagger pointed at my gem. I can't let her hurt anyone. I'm the last defense. I feel her turn me around, pointing me at the people who I so love. I shake my head. I can't let her shatter any of them. She lazily flicks her knife across my face, indifferent to where she hit. Pain rushes through my head. My thoughts are blurred. A flash of pink, and she drops me on the ground. She gets smaller… I can't let her run away from me. Not this time. I will shatter her. I summon my water wings, and use the water to form two giant hands. I aim for her gem and hit her with all my might. She disappears. I fall. The world fades to nothing._

I sit up in a cold sweat. Is that what had happened on the mountain? I brush tears away from my cheek, only to have more follow their path a moment later. I hadn't remembered it until now. I'd wanted to shatter her. I let loose a heart-wrenching wail. I was too much like her. I had her malice, her anger, her vengefulness. I was a monster, a brute, an animal. Even after going through a similar experience, I'd still tried to shatter her. I almost had. And here she lay, stuck at the bottom of the ocean, left to my mercy. I softly picked up her gem, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry." I whisper. Her gem starts to glow.

Jasper appears before me. Not fully Jasper, but a flickering, misshapen form. She grins at me. "Nice to see you falling apart, Lazuli." She says. I gasp, and almost let her gem slip out of my grip. "What? Were you going to drop me? Shatter me? You don't have the guts to hurt me, Lazuli." She mutters, her voice fading in and out. Her form wasn't solid, but she still managed to utter a few words. I carefully set her gem down on the sand across from where I'm sitting. "I could if I wanted to, Jasper." I murmur. She grins. "I know you, Lazuli. I can still feel a part of you in me. I know that you feel it too." Jasper says, a knowing glint in her eyes. I lean away. "I'd wondered if you felt the same way as I did. Do you think that it'll ever go away?" I mutter to myself. She stretches her arm and grabs my hand in her own. Blue on orange, small in large. Two opposites, and yet we had so much in common. I recoil at her touch.

"You know that I'll never stop trying to leave. And you're the only way out." She says. I look away. "I know." I reply, my voice devoid of emotion. She raises an eyebrow. "And you're still willing to heal me?" she says, her voice casually surprised. I rub my shoulder. "I never said anything about that." I murmur. "I know that you were thinking it." She replies. I look away. "I don't want to heal you, but I can't just leave you here. I know what it's like to be trapped here, and you know it too. I can't just leave you here to suffer." I murmur to myself. She grabs for my hand again. I start to jerk it away, but she stops me. "You almost shattered me." She says, staring into my eyes. I know what she's really trying to say; that I'm constantly hurting her, so I should at least give her something. I wince, but let her keep her hand on mine. My heart beats faster every moment. "I didn't mean to." I reply. She raises her eyebrow. She knows that I did. "I was scared. You almost ended me." I murmured. I started to sweat. I hated her touch. "Every moment I spend here on this island, I'm in pain. You could stop it." Jasper says, staring into my eyes. She knows my weaknesses. I'm too compassionate. "I'm sorry." I murmur, looking at the sand beneath us.

"'I'm sorry'? That's all you have to say? You could help me at any moment, but you choose not to out of your own selfish whims." Jasper says, her voice rising. "I'm not selfish. I have to try to take care of myself. I can't risk falling apart again." I say, my own voice rising to match hers. She laughs. "You've fallen apart before? I've really taken a toll on you, Lazuli. You'd have thought that by now, since you're so like me, that you'd be strong. But you're not. You're still just a weak, defective gem." She yells. Tears threaten to spill over my eyes, but I blink them away. "You've done nothing to me! I'm just as strong as before!" I yell. She laughs once more. I try to pull her hand from my grasp, be she's starting to solidify. She has me trapped. I start to panic. "Look at all that I've done to you, Lazuli! You're a mess. If you want proof, look at your face! Every time someone sees you, they'll see a part of me etched onto your skin. I'll forever be a part of you, just as you'll forever be a part of me!" Jasper bellows. She starts to pull herself up onto my shoulder. I stir the waters, desperately trying to shake her. She starts to dissipate, but she keeps coming closer yet. I'm frozen in terror, stuck watching her come closer yet. My heart is about to beat out of my chest. I start to hyperventilate. "Lazuli…" Jasper whispers. She touches my scar, and I black out.

Darkness consumes me. I scream. I'm trapped once again, but this time in my own head. I can almost make out a faint laugh… I slowly blink my eyes open. I'm huddled in a ball, tear streaks stained on my face. Jasper was right. We knew each other too well. I was eventually going to end up healing her. I let myself float to the surface. That could wait for another day.

I walk out of the water, determined to hide what I'd just seen. If the others knew what had happened… No. They couldn't know. I took a deep breath, and walked into camp. "Hey Lapis. Where were you yesterday?" Peridot asks, running over to me. I freeze. "How long have I been gone?" I ask, trying to mask my surprise. Peridot stops, raising an eyebrow. "You left two days ago… What have you been doing?" the green gem asks, trying unsuccessfully to mask her concern. I rub my neck. "Just… water stuff." I say, averting my eyes. She fakes a smile, and I do too. "That's good. Sometimes you just need to clear your thoughts. Glad to see that you're okay." Peridot replies. She goes to hold my hand, and I flinch at her touch, pulling my hand away. Peridot looks at me suspiciously. "Lapis?" she asks, cautious. I look down at my hand, and find it covered in an orange dust. "Jasper." I whisper. Peridot looks at me suspiciously. "What did you say? Lapis, what's really going on?" she asks, raising her eyebrow. I start to back away. "Nothing. I'm… fine. Totally okay…" I say, trying to feign happiness. Peridot walks closer to me. "Lapis Lazuli, tell me what's happening. You're clearly not okay. What did you do?" the green gem asks, matching me step for step. I continue to back up. "Please, Peridot. I can't…" I trail off, begging that she doesn't continue to ask questions. "Lapis, tell me what's going on! What's wrong with you?" Peridot shouts. I blush. "Nothing's _wrong_ with me, Peridot! I'm fine! Why can't you just drop it! I don't need help!" I yell, raising my voice to match hers. I notice the other Crystal Gems staring at us from various places around the clearing. I feel my back hit something, and I nervously glance behind me. A tree blocks my path backwards. Peridot walks up to me, her face mere inches from mine. "Lapis, you're not okay! Look at yourself! You're a nervous wreck! Tell me what happened to you! You know that you can tell me anything! Just stop hiding things!" Peridot yells, concern in her eyes. I burn over and turn my head away, biting my lip and fighting back tears. "I can't, Peridot. Please…" I whisper. She angrily shakes her head. "Lapis, don't make me get Steven or the others. If this becomes a problem, you need help. I don't care how much you want to keep it private. You have to tell us what's wrong. Now." Peridot says, leaning her head in closer yet to mine. My mind flashes back to my conversation with Jasper. _"You could help me anytime you wanted to, but you choose not to out of your own selfish whims." "You almost shattered me." "You've fallen apart before? I've really taken a toll on you, Lazuli."_ I shut my eyes and cover my ears with my hands. "I won't." I whisper. Peridot takes a step closer. I can feel her warm breath flow over my face. Tears start to fall from my deep blue eyes. "Please…" I whisper. I hear footsteps heading towards us. "Let's just take it easy, Peridot." Steven murmurs. Peridot shrugs him off. "No! She needs to talk about it! What if something horrible happened? We need to know so we can help her!" Peridot yells. I curl up into a ball on the ground. I hear the two bickering, but I tune them out, and let the world slip away.

I welcome sleep like an old friend, a way to escape my problems and fears. But this time darkness doesn't come. Instead, I find myself surrounded by an orange glow. I glance around, and find only one person. "Jasper." I whisper. The warrior gem walks over to me, grinning. "Welcome to my prison, Lazuli. This is my mind, the place you've condemned me to for the rest of eternity." She says loudly. I flinch. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I can't let you free yet." I say, taking a step back. Her face falters. "You don't know how bad it is here, Lazuli! You have to free me!" she says, her voice desperate. I shake my head, tears building in my eyes. "I do know how bad it is here. It's the worst place to be. You're trapped, alone with your self-doubt and pain. But I have to keep you here. I can't let you hurt anyone." I say, looking at Jasper with pity and fear. Jasper takes my hand, and I can't pull away. I look up at her with fear. "Lapis, please, if you really understood, then you'd let me out." Jasper murmured, a haunted look in her eyes. I try to back away, but I'm trapped in her grip. I look up at her. "Please, Jasper, let me go." I murmur. Her gaze turns desperate. "Please. I need to do this, to know that something in this space is real, to know that I'm not alone." I force every muscle in my body to relax. I know it feels to be alone in your own mind, and I pity her for what she's going through now. If I'd been able to be with someone during my time in the mirror…

We sit down in silence, but I still can't look her in the face. I feel her eyes stare into mine, but I force myself to look away. Why did she have to make everything so difficult? "It'll be okay, just relax, you can do it, come on!" I tell myself. I was terrified of even being near Jasper, and I was barely holding it together. She notices my stress, and raises an eyebrow. "I never wanted any of this. I didn't ask to go through any of it." I muttered. "What do you want then, Lazuli?" Jasper asks, looking down at me. I notice the lines under her eyes. "I want to be whole again." I whisper, tears building in my eyes. She sadly shakes her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "To be whole again, you'd have had to be whole in the first place, Lazuli." the orange gem replies. I give a small laugh. "Neither of us have ever been whole." I murmur. "Maybe that's why we always seem to find each other." Jasper whispers. We stand together in silence. We were the two loneliest gems on the island.

"We're the only ones who know this kind of pain." Jasper murmurs. I nod. "Being trapped, fused together as Malachite. Constantly alone, only wanting to go home." I say. I look up at Jasper. "Going home doesn't help. Once you've been somewhere long enough, you can't fit in where you used to." I say softly. She shakes her head. "I have to try, Lazuli. No matter what." She says. I look at her with sadness in my eyes. "You'll only end up hurting me." I softly reply. She gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry that it has to be you." She replies. I close my eyes, submerging myself in darkness, trying to pretend that Jasper is far away and not here, not alone with me or even holding my hand. We sit in silence.

Jasper speaks softly, saying, "I know you, Lapis. After Malachite… I know how you feel. I pity you. I feel bad when I hurt you." Jasper whispers. I nod. "I can feel your anger. You hate so much. You're always aggressive. I'm sorry for you." I murmur. She looks up at the orange sky of her world. "I'm so lonely here." She says. "I'm lonely everywhere." I reply. "We don't seem to fit in anywhere, Lazuli." Jasper murmurs, lost in thought. My heart starts to relax. A silence falls between us. After a moment, Jasper whispers, "Lazuli, do you ever think that we could've been something together? That Malachite could've been great if we didn't despise each other's guts to the ends of the Earth?" she asks. I give a small smile. "I don't hate you that much." I reply. Jasper raises an eyebrow. "Then why are you so nervous, Lazuli?" she asks with a small grin. "Because I'm still scared of what you could do to me. If we were awake, you'd be hurting me as much as you could as leverage to get off this planet. But you can't hurt me here, and so you're using me as someone to keep you from going insane. I've been used by everyone I've ever met. By the Diamonds for war, by the Crystal Gems as a mirror, and by you for getting off this planet. And I know that you're using me like this because I mean so little to you, and because if you break me, it won't matter all that much. It makes me dispensable, and I know that at the moment I become useless, you'll destroy me. I've seen you try, and the only reason that I'm still here is because I've had help in stopping you. I still can't stop trying to win, not even for a second. It's like Malachite, but all in my own head this time." I rant, my voice rising to a yell. She looks down at me sadly. "Do you really think that I don't have any feelings for you at all?" she asks softly. I take in a sharp breath. After all I'd said, that was what she'd chosen to focus on? "I… I don't…" I stutter. She lets out a harsh laugh.

"Of course I have feelings for you, Lazuli! I just don't know how to describe them! Friends… enemies… lovers… I have no clue how I feel! It's been tearing me apart for a while, okay? I mean… I've fused with you, and I've seen what you can do! I'm impressed, I'm amazed, I'm shocked. But now that I know you… I'm terrified. What if I really do beat you? What if I break you? I… I don't know what I'll do with myself." Jasper says, looking down at her hands with fear, tears welling in her eyes. I'd never seen Jasper cry before. I squeeze her hand softly. "It- It'll be okay." I murmur, trying to help her. She raised her head, and her amber eyes bore into mine. "How do you know? What if I somehow shatter you? What if I break your mind? I know that you see me as a bad person, and I see myself that way too, and I hate it. If I destroy you… How can you even stand to be here? I never realized how you must feel about me until now… I've hurt you so badly, and you know that I'm going to do it again, yet you let yourself stay here, let me hold your hand because you know how it feels to be alone… How are you still sane? I've put you through hell and back, and yet you still manage to be strong for others…" she trails off, tears slowly dripping down her face. I brace myself, and pull her into a hug. Her needs mean more than mine right now, my comfort will mean more to her than my pain. She tenses for a moment at my embrace, but after a moment she sinks down into it, still silently crying. "I don't know. But I still stand strong. It's not over yet." I murmur softly. She looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry for whatever happens next. Maybe if things had been different… maybe we could've been friends." I look away, knowing in my heart that it could never happen. She suddenly gives a small laugh. "Heh. Look at me now, crying and wallowing in my own sorrows. Is this how you always feel? Stuck in your own mind, slowly losing your identity until you become nothing? I guess it's me who's caused that. But you've had no one to help you through it, and I have you. How are you still standing here, still living, still okay?" she asks. I shake my head sadly. "I'm not. Whoever I used to be… she's gone, she's dead, and she can never come back. I can never be her again. These feelings you have… they won't get better yet, Jasper. It'll be like this for a while, even after I'm gone." I murmur. She raises an eyebrow. "How do you know that I'll destroy you?" the orange gem asks. I use my powers to wipe the tears from her cheek. She looks at me, surprised. "Because you already have."

After Jasper had calmed down, we'd decided to sit back to back. I didn't have to look at her, and she could still be near me. I minded it less now, for some reason. "Do you think that your sadness is because we fused, because we can now feel each other's emotions even long after we're apart?" I ask. She raises her head to the cloudless sky. "Maybe. I guess we'll never know." She replies. A silence breaks out, until Jasper asks, "Are you okay?" I give a harsh laugh. "I've never been okay." I mutter. She sighs. "Why are you asking?" I ask, curious. She sniffs. "I don't know, I guess we just talked about my feelings this whole time. Whenever you talk, you sound so sad. Even if I wasn't on this planet, would you be happy here?" I asks. I close my eyes. "No." She turns around to face me. "Then where would you be happy?" I look up at the endless sky. "I don't know." I murmur. She turns back around. "I guess that makes two of us." We sit in silence.

I look down at my hands, only to find them fading. Jasper turns around to face me. "Leaving so soon?" she asks. I shake my head. "Someone must be waking me up." I reply. She nods. "Will you come back?" she asks. I give her a small smile. "Of course." I whisper. Jasper fades, and Peridot takes her place. "Lazuli?"

 **A/N: Just so you guys know, I don't ship Jaspis. Don't get mad about this chapter. I repeat, I don't ship Jaspis. In the show, it's an abusive relationship. Here, it doesn't have to be. I didn't plan on this, but it happened, so I rolled with it. Don't get mad or I swear that I'll do nothing because I can't control your feelings. :/ Have a nice day**


	19. Mindful

**Me: Looks back at what I wrote. *cringes*. Idk if change but yes it is late words yes I should be sleep but no I am doing the write thing. Yeah, again, I don't ship the TV show version of Jaspis for a multitude of reasons. Last chapter I let my words form the story, and not the story decide the words. Also idk it took me forever to write this and I deleted about 500 words during revision. :/**

Lapis: I stare up at Peridot's bright green face. "Hey Peri. What's up?" I ask, feeling no resentment for yesterday. "I… wanted to apologize for how I treated you. I feel really badly about pushing you to tears." Peridot said, looking guilty. I sat up and hugged her. "It's okay. I'm not mad." I reply. Peridot hugged me back. "That's good. Are you feeling better today?" she asked, looking happier. I smiled and nodded. She offered me a hand up, and I took her offer. She didn't pull hard enough, and she fell on top of me. I blush, and we both laugh. "Why is it that I always walk in on you two like this?" I glance to my left and find Amethyst staring down at us. Peridot quickly stands up.

"Hello, Amethyst." Peridot says, her tone slightly cold. Amethyst raised her eyebrow. "Hey Peridot. Pearl wanted to tell you that she thinks she has a plan to get off this planet, and to go see her or whatever." The purple gem states, folding her arms. Peridot squeezes my hand and walks over to the house. "See you later, Lazuli." Peridot says. I smile and give a sarcastic wave. Amethyst walks over to me. "So, Lapis. I guess we haven't really spoken much since the caves." Amethyst starts. Where was she going with this? I rubbed my neck. "Yeah, I guess. I've been pre-occupied." I say, blowing a loose stand of hair out of my face. Amethyst grins at me. "So what if we had a battle?" she asks. I jolt, and Amethyst laughs. "Come on, dude. I just want to see how good you really are. The only times we've ever battled was when you were already hurt or trapped. I barely know a thing about you, besides what the others have told me. Battling is a great way to get to know each other." She says, an excited gleam in her eyes. I sigh. "Whatever, sure." I respond, indifferent. What did it matter whether I won or lost? Amethyst smiled. "Cool. Let's go to the beach, though. It's probably hard for you to fight with no water around." She says, running off towards the beach. Determined to beat her, I summon my water wings and soar off towards the sandy dunes.

I sit on the beach, looking at my nails. I didn't really care about how my fingernails looked, but I wanted to seem bored. I had a small flare for drama. Just a small one. I hear Amethyst panting behind me. "You could've just flown me over here too." She states, giving me a light hearted glare. I grin. "What's the fun in that?" I ask. She raises an eyebrow. "Since when have you tried to have fun?" she asks. "Since about two seconds ago." I reply, smirking. She sighs, a smile hinted at the corners of her mouth. "Whatever, dude. Let's just battle." She states, drawing her whip. I summon my wings. I grinned. She had no clue how powerful I was.

Amethyst lashed her whip out at me. I summoned water particles from the surrounding air into the form of gauntlets around my hands. I caught Amethyst's rope with ease, and commanded the water on my fists to travel down the whip and onto her hands, where it quickly froze. She tried to pull her hands off her whip, but they were held tightly in place by the ice. I then flew up as fast as I could and spun into a nose dive, slamming Amethyst's whip into the ground. A pillar of sand rose up, covering the area in a hazy cloud. I couldn't see anything, so I closed my eyes, letting my other senses take over. I hear her footsteps slowly approaching me from my right. I hear the crack of her whip, and I dodge it just in time. I grab her whip with my bare hands, still knowing her next move. She pulled her whip in, raising her fist for a punch. I turn my wings to ice, and they slam into her face, shattering on impact. She stumbles backwards, and I push her over with ease. I place my foot on her stomach, grinning. "Give up yet?" I ask, my eyebrow raised. Amethyst smirks. "Definitely not." She replies, lashing her whip out behind me. It misses, but I know her attack isn't over. I whirl around just in time to see her whip latch onto a boulder, and then come hurling at me. I try to form an ice shield, but it shatters on impact. I'm thrown backwards across the beach, the rock sinking into my torso. My head hits the sand with a jolt, and my vision flashes. I'm lying face down on the beach, staring into the sand. I feel a foot on my back, and I start to panic. "Give up yet?" Amethyst asks. I'm shaking uncontrollably. Jasper had done this same thing to me twice already. I struggle to stay in consciousness. She moves her foot up to my gem. "Come on Lapis. I got you. Just admit it." She says. I'm trembling from head to toe in a cold sweat. I summon a huge wall of water from the ocean. "Lapis? Isn't this a bit over board?" Amethyst confidently asks. She thinks that I won't do it. I send the water crashing over me. I'm swept up with the torrent, but I don't mind for the moment. I lose Amethyst in the waters. As soon as I'm freed from the surge, I stand up, my hands clenched into fists. Amethyst lays coughing on the sands. "Okay, I get it. You want to really battle. I'll show you what I can do." The purple gem replies, drawing her whip. It's the last thing that I want. I dissipate my wings. "Amethyst, I don't want to-" My remark is cut off. She lashes her whip out at my torso. It catches around my ribs, and she squeezes. I poof.

Peridot: "You said that you wanted to see me, Pearl?" I ask, walking in to the shack. The pale gem nods. "I've figured out a way to get all of us back to Earth safely. I assume that you want to continue your affiliation with us now. No matter what side you take, it'll be difficult." She states, looking down at her drawings in the dirt. I raise an eyebrow. "What is it then?" I ask, curious. She looks me in the eyes. "We'll need Lapis for it." She says, looking into my eyes. I shake my head. "She can't carry all of us home, and Steven needs air to breathe. Besides, I don't think that Lapis wants to leave." I say, looking away. Pearl sighs. "No, I've found a bypass to that. Lapis can fly back to Earth and fetch Steven's pet, Lion. He can warp us back home." Pearl states, hope in her eyes. I shake my head once more. "She'll never go for it, Pearl. She hates Earth. We can't force her to do this for us." I reply. Pearl grimaces. "It doesn't matter. She has to do it." The pale gem says. I stare her down. "You're selfish, you know that?" I spit, disgusted at Pearl's lack of care for Lapis. Pearl shrugs. "She's given up so much for us already, she won't mind doing it once more. All we have to do is keep improving her mental health, and she'll be happy to help." Pearl states. I shake my head. "I won't help you with this. I can't let you use her like a tool." I say, starting to walk away. Pearl calls after me. "If you try to stop us, I'll hurt her. I won't let you trap the rest of us here because you're concerned about one insignificant little gem. She will save us, whether she likes it or not." Pearl says. I don't look back.

Lapis: Instead of the familiar darkness, I find myself surrounded by orange once again. I whip my head around. "Lazuli?" I hear Jasper's voice. I walk over to her. "I'm surprised you came back, runt." The orange gem says. I sit down next to her. "I said that I would. Did you really doubt that?" I say softly. She glances over at me. "I wouldn't have come back. I would've left you alone. I would've shattered you when I'd had the chance." Jasper says, looking away. I sigh. "It's just who you are, Jasper. We're different people." I reply. She looks down at me. "Why are you here, Lapis?" Jasper asks. I stare into the distance. "I was poofed." I tonelessly reply. She raises her eyebrow. "You? But you're a brute." She replies. I snort. "After all those times you called me weak, now you choose to say that I'm strong?" I reply. We sit in silence.

"How do you bear it, Lazuli?" Jasper asks. It takes me a week or two to reform, so I was stuck with Jasper for the entirety of my slumber. We were sitting back to back, but now I turn around to face her. "How do I bear what?" I ask. "Being alone. Being trapped. Being stuck in your own mind." Jasper says. I give an empty laugh. "I don't. I just hide it well." I reply, looking down at the ground. She gives a small laugh. "It hurts, doesn't it? It's worse than I thought." She states. I silently nod. "At least when you're here, I'm not alone. It makes things better." She says. My face flushes, and I'm glad that her back is to me. "It's good to have someone I can talk to truthfully. If I tell anyone else what I'm feeling, it could hurt them. I don't have to worry about hurting you because you already feel it." I state, staring off into space. Jasper turns around to look at me. "I don't know how to feel about you, Lazuli." She states. I give a hollow laugh. "Same goes for you, Jasper. I can never tell if you're going to kill me or share your feelings." I say, a small grin on my face. She snorts. "I don't share my feelings." She says. I raise an eyebrow. "Right. Then what would you call what happened last time?" I ask. She looks away, and silence breaks out. "Are you afraid of me, Lazuli?" I glance down. "Very." I murmur. She turns to look at me. "Did I really hurt you that much, you little twerp? She asks. "I still have nightmares about what you've done to me." I say softly.

She looks at me, her face unreadable. "Do you want to leave right now, Lazuli?" Jasper asks. I shrug. "I'd rather be with you than alone." I reply. She turns away. After a moment, she gives a small laugh. "Look at what you've done to me, Lazuli." She murmurs, looking down sadly at her hands. I turn to face her. "I'm sorry. But I don't know what to do with you." I reply. She looks down at me. "No one ever has. Not with me, not with you, not with Malachite." She says. I shudder at Malachite's name. "Jasper… you liked being fused, didn't you? Even though it was one of the worst things that's ever happened to either of us, you still enjoyed it." I say, sadness in my heart. She shrugs. "What can I say? It's the truth." She replies. I sigh. "Was it because of me, because Malachite made you feel strong, or because you liked the pain?" I quietly asks. She glances down at me, her eyes hardened. "All three." I blush and look away. "You're the only one who's ever made me feel like that… It's not love, but it felt… good… to know that someone was always with you. But we both fought too hard against it." I murmur softly. She raises an eyebrow. "Would you ever like to be Malachite again one day if it wasn't to escape this island?" Jasper asks. I put my arms around my knees. "I don't know. I'm terrified of hurting anyone else in a fusion, or even hurting myself for that matter. I have too many bad memories of you. With all of that combined, I would probably break down if I fused with you." I murmur. Jasper puts her arm around my shoulder. I shudder and blush, but she takes no notice. "Does this scare you, Lazuli?" she asks. I silently nod. She raises an eyebrow. I sigh. "Jasper, could you please not?" I ask. I'm shaking uncontrollably, my heart pounding in my chest. She grins down at me. "Come on, Lazuli. Don't tell me you don't like this, not even a little." She says. I look away from her, angry. She's just playing with my emotions. "Jasper, you know how I feel about you touching me." I murmur in reply. She raises an eyebrow. "Lazuli, I'm trapped at the bottom of the ocean. Messing with you brings me joy. Are you really going to make my life as miserable as you can?" she asks, a hint of a smile on her face. I sigh. "Please, can you go five minutes without guilt tripping me?" I ask, resigning myself to her arm. She rolls her eyes. "You know the answer to that." She replies. We sit in silence.

"Why do you think we can do this? I mean, why do you think that I can come here when I'm not awake and why we have some of each other's qualities ever since we unfused?" I ask, angry. I didn't always want to be here. What if I was forced to come here every time I was unconscious for the rest of my life? She looks down at me with a sad smile. "We're different than most gems, and you know it. Created specifically by the Diamonds to be some of the most powerful gems in the galaxy. Maybe it's because we're defective, you know? Something went wrong when we were being incubated, and now this happens." Jasper replied. I give a harsh laugh. "Please. You were the one who was the closest to being a true Diamond." I angrily reply. She frowns. "You never know. White Diamond's creation could've been better. None of us ever met her. Besides, I'm far from perfect. I'm still defective, just like you." Jasper replies. I flinch at her words. "Don't remind me." I mutter, looking away. She shrugs. "It's the truth, Lazuli. It's about time that you started to accept it." Jasper replies. I sigh. "Do you think that this'll get worse if we fuse again?" I questions. Jasper looks away. "I hope not. After only a few days fused, look at all that happened to us. We act like each other sometimes. We connect in dreams. We know how each other feels and even why. Things are bad enough as it is." Jasper murmurs. I look over at her. "But you're still going to try it again anyways just to get back to Homeworld?" I ask. She nods. "Even if it destroys me, I have to get off this planet." She states. I look up at the sky. "Jasper… if it destroys you, it'll destroy me too." I whisper. She merely shrugs.


	20. Betrayal

**IMPORTANT: I WENT BACK AND CHANGED SOME MAJOR EVENTS OF CHAPTER 18 AND 19 SO NOW THEY DON'T SUCK AS MUCH** **J** **AND ALSO THE PLOT OF 18 HAS BEENMOSTLY CHANGED SO YEAH GUYS CHECK THAT OUT! My writing is horrible ugh… so is my self esteem. Me to me: stop focusing on Lapis again omg Katie stop you ruin every story you write this way Katie don't u dare omg u did it ugh okay stop now it'll be unhealthy past this point. Me also to me: add more about lapis. Okay also I have the climax of the book planned and it's coming soon but I'll take a break for the holidays so expect a small story hiatus.**

Lapis: I slowly blink my eyes open. "Lapis! You're back!" I sit up and find Peridot running over to me. "Where am I? What happened?" I ask, confused. Peridot glances over her shoulder, frowning. "Amethyst decided to attack you while you were telling her that you were done fighting. We moved your gem over here by the house. Apparently the others thought that leaving your gem outside with Jasper loose was perfectly fine." Peridot says scornfully. I snort. "Like Jasper could hurt me when she's at the bottom of the ocean." I mutter quietly. Peridot stares at me. "Wait… what? Lapis, do you know where Jasper is?" she whispers. I shrug. "Vaguely, I guess. She's… she's cracked. We're all safe." I murmur. "She's cracked?" I hear a soft whisper. It's not Peridot. I quickly spin around to find Steven standing behind me. "Steven! Hey…" I say, nervous. Steven was compassionate, and would do anything to help others. Including her. "You cracked her? Lapis! We have to help her!" Steven says, running off to the beach. I grab his shoulder. "Wait, Steven. You can't. She could hurt us again. We're safer this way." I say, desperately pleading that he'll understand. He nods, but doesn't quite meet my eyes.

I sit down with Peridot on the log. "So what's been going on lately?" I ask. She shrugs. "Nothing much, really. It's been lonely without you." She murmurs. I smile. "You have the others to keep you company. I've only…" I trail off. Should I tell Peridot about Jasper? No, I couldn't. She'd only worry. "…been alone." I continue. Peridot gives me a small smile and puts her hand onto mine. "It's been so hard for you these past few months here on this planet. But it'll get better, I promise. I'll always be here for you." She says. I turn to her and smile. "Thanks, Peridot. It means a lot to me." I reply. She smiles, and we sit in a happy silence. After a while, I lean on her shoulder. She doesn't even flinch. I wish we could stay like this for an eternity. But we can't.

"Hey, you two." My eyes snap open, and I find Amethyst and Pearl standing before us. "We've been looking for you." Pearl says. I scoff. "I'm literally blue. It's not that hard to spot me." I reply. Pearl sighs. "It was a figure of speech, Lapis. Maybe it's time you started to learn about these sorts of things." She curtly replies. I raise an eyebrow. "What do you want, Pearl?" I ask. I know better than to pick a fight with her. She gives a small smirk. "I wanted to talk to you. In private, though." She replies, her eyes tracing over Peridot and Amethyst. I shrug. "Whatever, dude." I mutter, standing up. Her eyes flash, but only for a moment. She was up to something. "Let's try talking down in the basement; no one will disturb us there." Pearl says. I shudder. "Could we not go down there? I was hoping that I'd never have to be underground again." I murmur. She smiles. "Are you challenging my authority?" A surge of anger rushes through my head, clouding my thoughts. She's taunting me, trying to test my limits. Part of me is telling me to scream at her, to call her vile things and hurt her. I try to shake the feeling. "No, I'm just questioning your judgement." I reply, my teeth gritted. She raises an eyebrow. "Alright then, Lazuli. Let's head into the forest. Does that better suit you?" she asks, a fake air of politeness poisoning her words. I force myself to smile and nod. She grabs me by the arm and marches me into the surrounding woods, finally stopping at the small pool where Jasper's cave lay. I flinch at her touch. "I can walk on my own, thanks." I say, ripping my arm from her grip. She glares at me. "I know that. I wanted to make sure that you didn't fly off. You're a flight hazard." She says. Then, so low that I almost don't catch it, she mutters, "You're a hazard in general." The heat rises in my face. "What do you want, Pearl?" I growl. She smiles. "I wanted to talk to you about Jasper."

Peridot: Amethyst and I stare awkwardly at each other. Finally, I break the silence. "So if Pearl wanted to talk to Lapis alone, why are you here?" I ask. She rubs her shoulder. "I wanted to talk to Lapis too." I snort. "You mean about poofing her after she told you she was done because she didn't want to hurt you too badly? Yeah, big mistake there." I say venomously. Amethyst misses my harsh tone. "And about other stuff." She murmurs. I laugh nervously. "You two barely do anything together. What's there to talk about?" I ask. I hate the thought that Amethyst might share some connection with Lapis. Amethyst uncharacteristically stares off into space. "More than you'd know." She softly murmurs. "You barely care for her. You hurt her when you kept her prisoner. When she was poisoned, you were quiet and barely looked at her once. You don't even like her." I scoff. She glares at me. "You don't understand anything, so don't pretend like you do. It wasn't my decision to put her in the mirror, it wasn't my decision to keep her underground, and it wasn't my decision to poison her. I mean, how was I supposed to know that Jasper…" she quickly trails off, realizing her mistake. I stare at her in shock. "Wait, you've been in contact with Jasper?" I ask, my heartbeat quickening. She rapidly shakes her head. "Not recently, I swear!" I raise my eyebrow. "But you were allied with Jasper at some point, weren't you? I can't believe you!" I yell. She shakes her head wordlessly, and for a moment I think I see tears in her eyes. "I can't believe myself either, okay? I've messed up, and I try to apologize, but I keep making things worse! I'm sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?" she yells, staring me in the eyes. I take a step back. "Amethyst, I… Does Lapis know?" I ask softly. She silently nods her head. I sigh. At least she wasn't lying about it to her. "How did she take it?" I ask. She looks down. "I don't know, I didn't see her reaction, but I assume it was bad. I mean, I was the reason that…" she trails off once again, realizing that she'd said too much. I raise my eyebrow. "You were the reason that she what?" I ask suspiciously. She scrunches up her eyes and yells, "That she was poisoned! I led Lapis into a trap, but I didn't know what Jasper was going to do except that they would both go off planet! I know that I've messed up, but I don't have anyone to help me deal with it here! Do you know how lonely I am? Rose is gone, Garnet is more closed off than ever, and Pearl won't even look at me because she's blinded by her own anger. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be…" I stare at her in shock, trying to take in all that she'd said. Before I can respond, she runs off into the woods. I know that I didn't imagine her tears this time.

Lapis: "I… don't…" I trail off. Pearl gives me a small smirk. "You heard me. I want to talk about Jasper." I raise my eyebrows defiantly. "What about Jasper?" I ask. I was tired of Pearl treating me like dirt. I wasn't going to talk with her civilly. "You know what I'm talking about, Lapis. You've been with her recently while you were asleep." She says. I try not to react, try to hide my shock. I must not do it well enough, because she smiles. "Don't act like you're innocent, Lapis. You're despicable." I flinch at her words, and I find myself walking backwards. She matches me step for step. "I… I'm not despicable. I'm a good person." I'm stopped dead in my tracks, and I glance back only to find that I've run into a tree. Pearl stops in front of me. "You're not. Jasper threatens us all, and you decide to be her friend? How selfish." She whispers, leaning menacingly close to me. I turn my head, trying to block her out. "I'm not…" I whisper, trying to defend myself. She puts her hand on the rough bark of the tree above me. "Please, Lazuli. The others think that you're an innocent victim, but I know better. You're a danger to us all. You and Jasper alike." I squeeze my eyes shut. Pearl continues, "While you're here, Jasper will always come chasing after us. Steven could get hurt in the crossfire." I feel pressure building in my chest. "You were wrong about shattering me, so how do you know that you're not wrong about this too?" I ask, desperately trying to convince her. She shakes her head. "Because I have proof. Steven saw you." She whispers. I snap my eyes open. "What?" I murmur, shocked. She gives me a large smile. "He wanted to check on you in your dreams to see if you were okay, and saw that you were sitting with Jasper, even talking civilly with her. Naturally, he was shocked when he woke up, and told me the whole story." I sink down to my feet, covering my head in my hands. "You don't understand…" She looms menacingly above me. "Yes, I do understand. You're a threat to us all. And I won't let you endanger us any longer." I stare up at her in shock. I find her spear pointed at my throat. "You can't do this. Someone will find out. You won't get away with this." I growl. She gives me a bittersweet smile. "But Lapis, I already have." Pain explodes in my neck, and I black out for the second time in a week.

Peridot: I sit dejectedly on a log, thinking hard. Night has finally fallen, and Lazuli still isn't back. I hear soft footsteps padding up to me. "Hey, Peridot? I have something I want to ask you." I look up to find Steven standing in front of me. "Go for it." I mutter. I'm about to dismiss him, but then I see the worry in his eyes. I sit up straight, hanging on to his every word. "I want to heal Jasper." He quietly says. I stare at him in open mouthed shock. "Steven, we can't do that. Things will just get worse. She'll just try to hurt us again." I splutter. He looks down at the ground. "I know, but it's not right to keep her like this. Maybe if we're quick enough, we can just bubble her." He says quietly. I sigh. "I know that you're going to do it no matter what I say, so I might as well come with you. He gives me a small smile. "Thanks, Peridot. Let's go. I already know where she is."

Amethyst: I stare at Pearl, shocked. After talking with Peridot, I'd run off into the woods, and found Pearl poofing Lapis. The pale gem didn't quite see me yet, so I took cover behind a small bush. Luckily, I was small too, so I'd be harder to see. The first time that came in handy. I watch as Pearl slowly picks up Lapis' gem, whispering softly, "You can't hurt anyone anymore. Why don't you stay like this and make it easier on us all?" She dives into the pool of water, swimming towards Jasper's cave. I take in a deep breath. She has no clue where Jasper is. She could literally be handing Lapis over to her tormentor unknowingly.

I step forwards from the bushes, fully intending on stopping Pearl, when she suddenly rises from the waters, a smug look on her face. "Pearl?" I ask, calling out to the pale gem. She jumps. "Amethyst? What are you doing here?" I yell. She barely blushes. "I'm protecting us, Amethyst. You'll understand someday. I'd rather her be dead than us." I raise my eyebrow. "Pearl, you can't really do this. What's wrong with you lately?" I call. She scrunches up her face, and yells, "Why can't you just let this happen? Would you rather it be her gem shattered or all of ours? Would you really sacrifice Steven for a wretch like her?" I turn my back to Pearl. She has a point. I just wish that I'd never seen this happen.

Lapis: I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I'm back in Jasper's mindscape. "I'm honestly starting to believe that you enjoy coming here, Lazuli." A familiar growl greets me. I snort and turn around to face the orange gem. "It's not my choice to come here. And I might leave at any second, too." She raises her eyebrow. "And why is that, Lazuli?" I look away with contempt. "Because I could be shattered any second." I mutter. "How?" she asks, a look of surprise on her face. "Pearl thinks that I'm a danger to them, so she poofed me. I don't know what she's going to do with my gem." Jasper gives a short, harsh laugh. "So you let yourself get beaten again? Pathetic." I roll my eyes. "Glad to see that you're concerned." Jasper gives a small grin. "So what happened this time?" she asks. I look away, and reply, "Pearl tried to lure me to places that held painful memories. So she took me to the lake outside of your cave, accused me of being in contact with you, called me a danger, and poofed me. Always nice to be poofed by your allies." I mutter, my voice spiked with contempt. Jasper's grin widens, and she says, "It's always nice to see how weak the people are who bring you down. I must say, you've really let yourself go." I glance away and blow the hair out of my face. She's right, though, and I hate it.

She pauses, and then looks down at me. "How did a defect like you bring me down so low?" she asks with contempt. I flinch. "Could you not remind me every five seconds about how horrible I am? I get enough of that literally everywhere else. I know that I'm never going to be who I was supposed to be. I live with that every day." I mutter. She rolls her eyes. "Don't get all emotional on me, Lazuli. You don't need another flaw." She says indifferently. "What's with you today? Do you just want to vent all of your emotion on me?" I growl. She shrugs. "I'm getting bored in here. Why don't you just let me out?" she mutters. I sigh. "You know why. The moment I release you, you'll just hurt me again. I have to try to protect myself. At least I haven't shattered you yet." I softly reply. She threateningly walks over to me. "What makes you more important than me? We've both had our fair share of imprisonment. Why can't it be my turn to be free?" she asks menacingly. I take a step back. "I… I…" I stutter. The problem is that I don't know. Maybe it is her time to be free. She puts her hand on my shoulder, but this time her touch chills me to the bone. "Lazuli, let me out of here." She growls. I silently shake my head. "How long has it been, huh? How long have I been trapped here?" she yells. I can't meet her in the eyes. "A… about a month or so…" I mumble. Her grip on my shoulder tightens, and I wince. "Please let go of me." I murmur. Her golden eyes bore into mine, and I can see the fury in her gaze. She won't back down this time, no matter what I say.

"Let me out of here, Lazuli." She growls once more. I close my eyes, trying to find some shelter from her wrath. She shoves me down onto the ground and places her foot just under my neck. Her weight is too much for me, and I whimper. "How could a pathetic loser like you keep me trapped here for so long?" she asks, putting more pressure on my chest. It feels like my ribs are going to crumble. I have to say something, anything to get this to stop. "Fine… Do it. Hurt me as much as you can! Go on! I deserve it!" I whisper, my voice hoarse and low. She lifts her foot, and I take in a deep breath only to feel her heel slam into my face the next moment. I cry out in pain, and I hear her laugh. "You think that hurts, Lazuli? I've been trapped here for so long, all of this rage has built up past its limit! I've never known rage like this before, but now I can finally let it go, all thanks to you." She spits, and I feel her foot slam into my face again.

Peridot: "How much farther, Steven?" I ask, walking down the beach shore. Steven scans the water. "Should be about here. I'll make a bubble so I can breathe." He replies. I take a step closer, and he encases us in a soft pink shell. I tap it with my finger, and it holds. He starts walking, and I'm forced to follow.

 _Water is beautiful. I wish they had more of it on Homeworld,_ I think as Steven and I traverse through the sea. It reminds me of Lazuli. I wonder where she is. I see flashes of orange in the distance. I look at Steven, and we both nod. We've found her.

Lapis Lazuli: With every blow that hits my body, Jasper's gem flashes, blinding me for a fleeting moment, stopping any thoughts of escape I might've had. My screams grow louder. I hear her give a hearty laugh. She picks me up by the arm and raises my face up to match hers. "This is how it feels to be trapped, Lazuli. Get used to it." She throws me across the landscape, and I hit the ground with a grunt. I don't even try to get up anymore. It's not worth it.

Peridot: I can finally make out the outline of Jasper's gem. Steven gasps. "It's almost cracked all the way through!" Steven exclaims, sprinting over to the small piece of jasper. He gingerly picks it up and- "Steven, what are you doing?" I exclaim as Steven starts to lick the orange gemstone. He looks up at me. "I have healing spit, remember?" he asks. I sigh. "Yeah, I know, but do you have to do it so awkwardly?" I ask. He raises an eyebrow. "How is this awkward, exactly?" he asks. I sigh. "Whatever. Just do your healing thing." I mutter. He shrugs, and heals the gemstone. It begins to glow.

Lapis Lazuli: I look up at Jasper, fear plastered on my face. "Is that enough? Please…" I rasp, my voice barely coming out. She grins. "Almost." Her fist rears back for another punch, and I watch it grow ever closer, but it never hits. I glance up, and find Jasper fading. "Are you… shattering?" I whisper. She looks down at her hands in horror. "Maybe… I don't think so." She mutters. I look up at her gemstone. "Your gem… it's healing…" I murmur. She looks down at her nose and grins. "Well then I guess I'll be seeing you soon, Lazuli." I pass out just at the moment as she disappears.

Peridot: "Steven! Bubble it!" I yell. It's too late. Jasper is already reforming. Steven grabs my arm and turns me around. "If we can't stop her, then we'd better get out of here!" he yells. We sprint back to the surface.

The bubble pops the moment our feet touch the sand, and we're thrown down on to our knees. I glance at Steven with wide eyes. "We have to warn Lapis." I say, rising to my feet. He nods, and we sprint once more.

We arrive in camp drenched in sweat and sand. "Where's Lapis?" I pant. Pearl looks at me guiltily. "I… don't know? She was… um… with me when we talked, but said that she wanted some time alone, and hasn't come back since." Pearl says, her voice growing increasingly steady. Steven smiles. "Okay. See you tomorrow, Pearl." He happily replies, heading to the house. Once we're inside, I put my hand on his shoulder. "You know that she was lying, right?" I ask. Steven looks at me, confused. "Really? What should we do then?" he asks. I think for a moment, then reply, "Try to see if she's dreaming." He nods, and promptly falls asleep. "Well that was quick." I mutter.

Lapis: I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I jolt my eyes open. For a few moments there, I hadn't thought anything at all; I'd been dead to the world. I turn over and find- "Steven?" I whisper. He's standing over me, offering a hand up. "Are you okay?" he asks, concerned. I sit up, my head swarming. "What happened?" I ask. He sits next to me. "I tried to connect my dreams with yours, and found you lying face down in a pool of your own blood in this weird orange world." I look down at the ground to find my blood splattered across the floor. "How did this happen?" Steven asks. I look over, tears swimming in my eyes. "It was Jasper." I murmur. Steven gasps. "Lapis were you… seeing her again?" he asks tentatively. I nod my head. "But I can't control it. Whenever I'm not awake, I somehow come here." I say. I clutch my head, trying to stop the constant hammering inside my skull. "I can't- I can't think- my head- Steven, help." I say. Steven looks at me sadly. "You have what we call a concussion, my friend." He puts healing spit on his hand, and places it on my forehead. My thoughts clear up, and my vision clears. "Thanks. That's so much better." I murmur.

Steven looks at me sadly. "So why'd she do this to you?" he asks. "Because I wouldn't let her out. Wait, Steven, did you heal her?" I ask, frightened. He looks away and sadly nods his head. I gasp. "Steven, you have to help me! She knows where I am, she's going to come for me! Please, get the others and stop her!" I say, my voice rising. Steven gasps. "Lapis, where are you?" he questions. I look at him sadly. "Pearl poofed me out by Jasper's lake. I don't know what she did with my gem, but I'm guessing that she put it in the cave to try to trap me." I say, my anxiety worsening. She'd put me down there to hurt me. She knew that I was afraid of the underground, but she did it anyways. Steven nodded, and gave me a hug. I tensed up, remembering how Jasper had hurt me in those same spots just moments before. "We'll save you, I promise." He whispers. A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please." I murmur. He fades.

I slowly stand up, scanning the horizon. I had to try to escape. I focused all my energy on reforming – it would be sloppier than usual, but it would have to do. The orange started to fade, replaced by darkness.

 **A/N: This is the mini climax. I have the rest of the book planned out, and now I just have to fine tune it. This isn't the end yet, but you loyal readers are more than halfway done! I'm going to finish the plotline structure of the book, then go back and improve on every chapter. Next chapter I'm doing a new format as well, so stay tuned!**


	21. Relapse

**Important: I'm assuming that Jasper has some sort of electricity powers** **because she does that weird glowing spin dash thing (and she's orange/yellow, the color that represents electricity) Going to try to format my writing differently after this chapter.**

Lapis: I sit up with a gasp. "Jasper!" I'm surrounded by darkness. Pearl must've put me in Jasper's cave. I frantically glance around. There was no way out of here. I wasn't strong enough to move the boulder sealing the entrance, and if I used the water to tunnel, the cave could collapse and bury me.

I had to find a way to hide. I ran through t he tunnels blindly, trying to find a way out. I suddenly slammed into a wall and fell to the ground. I projected light from my gem, and found that I was in a dead end. Perfect. Jasper knew these caves well, and she wouldn't think that I would trap myself like this. I dove behind a stalagmite and huddled in a ball, hoping that Jasper would overlook me.

Steven: I bolt up. "Peridot!" I yell. Peridot gives me a strange look. "I'm right next to you, Steven. You don't have to yell." She replies. I stand up, my eyes wide. "It's Lapis. She's in trouble!" I yell, running out the door. I hear Peridot's footsteps follow. "What happened?" she yells. I turn around. "She's stuck in Jasper's cave, and Jasper knows that she's there. We have to go save her!" The green gem's eye widen, and her pace picks up. "We have to get the others! They can help us!" she shouts. I nod, and we both run towards the Crystal Gems, who are sitting on the beach watching the sunset.

Peridot: "Lapis is in trouble!" I yell, coming to a halt at the Crystal Gem's feet. Pearl and Amethyst exchange worried looks. They know something. "What is it?" Garnet asks. Steven finally catches up to me, and stands panting beside me. "She's trapped, and Jasper is free and knows where she is." He huffs. I almost think I saw a small smile on Pearl's face.

"Well? What are we just standing here for?" I ask, frantically looking back at the woods. Pearl stares at me. "We aren't going anywhere, Peridot." The pale gem says. I stare at her, bewildered. "No, we have to save her, come on!" I yell. Garnet shakes her head. "Peridot, I know this comes as a shock, but… we can't save Lapis. We can't risk the safety of five gems for the sake of one. This way, Jasper will go off planet. Lapis is saving us. She's a hero, Peridot." The fusion says. I shake my head and step backwards. "She doesn't want to be a hero. She deserves to live." I say. Pearl shrugs. "She never had much of a life anyways, Peridot." She says. I shake my head and run back to the forest. I hear shouts behind me, but I pay no attention until I feel the whip wrap around my waist. I'm thrown to the ground, and I hear footsteps growing closer. "I'm sorry Peridot. We can't let you save Lapis. If you do, Jasper will still be a threat to us. This is the only way." Garnet says. I close my eyes, and let the tears flow.

They carry me back to the basement. "Amethyst, you can stay with Peridot to keep her company. Make sure she doesn't try anything. Keep the whip on." Garnet commands. I'm thrown down the stairs onto the hard dirt floor. I land with a wince, and I hear the door shut behind me. "Lapis!" I cry. No one answers.

Lapis: It's been a few hours now. I think I'm safe, but then I hear it. Heavy footsteps echoing through the empty cavern. I curl myself into a tighter ball. I see the orange glow of Jasper's gem, and I cower. Memories from last night flow through my head. I fear her more than ever. I don't want to be hurt again.

Her footsteps slowly fade into the distance, and I sigh relief. The footsteps grow closer. I was too loud. "Alright, Lazuli. No more games. I know you're here." She yells. I give her no response. She laughs, and it echoes through the empty cave. "If you won't answer by choice, I'll just force you to come out." She yells. My eyes widen in fear. What does that mean? I soon find out. She uses her spin dash attack, bouncing from wall to wall in the tiny corridor. She runs over my calf, and I scream in pain. She stops spinning and casts her light on me. "Nice to see you again, Lazuli." She confidently says. I'm speechless. I can barely breathe, and I'm trembling from head to toe. I stand up and try to run around her to the exit. She uses her spin dash attack again, but this time I dodge it. She hits the cave wall and the tunnel collapses. I black out once again.

Peridot: Amethyst sits next to me in my new prison. "You okay, dude?" the purple gem asks. I shake my head. "Lazuli is the one who won't be okay." I emptily reply. She shrugs. "It's not my choice to do this. I have no authority here." She says. I look at her skeptically. "If it was your choice, would you have us save her?" I ask. She nods. "I saw how freaked out she was underground. It was like she couldn't breathe. Pearl and Garnet have no right to put her through that again or to sacrifice her to Jasper. I know they're just trying to protect Steven, but this is wrong." Amethyst says. I look down at the ground. "What do you think will happen to her when Jasper is done with her?" I ask. Amethyst stares off into space. "I don't know. Honestly, I know that Homeworld considers her a traitor, so they'll probably hurt her. She's one of the strongest gems I've ever met and she's the only Lapis Lazuli gem, so Homeworld wouldn't waste that. They'll find a way to use her." The purple quartz says. I clench my fists. "I just wish that I could've had more time with her." Amethyst sadly nods.

I give a small laugh. "You know, for a moment I thought you liked her as more than friends." Amethyst looks up at me. "What? No, dude. I just wanted to hang with someone. Garnet and Pearl have grown distant, and Steven is too young and fragile to be told everything. You always seemed to hate me, and I guess Lapis was the last one left. I just want a friend here. I'm so alone." She says with a sigh. I nod. "Yeah, I know how that feels."

We sit in silence for a moment, until- "Peridot? Do you feel that?" Amethyst asks. I nod. The ground starts to tremble. Suddenly, the walls, the floor, the ceiling- it all starts to collapse. "We have to get out of here!" I yell. A hole opens up in the floor leading to darkness. "Do you trust me, Peridot?" Amethyst yells. I shake my head. "No!" Amethyst sighs. "Close enough." She says. She takes me hand and jumps down into the abyss below, taking me with her. I hear a crash above as we plummet down into darkness.

Lapis: I force myself to reform, terrified of what I might find. My head spins, and my vision is blurred. "Welcome back." Jasper says. I turn my head to find the orange warrior trapped under a large pile of rubble. The fallen rocks trapping her block off the only exit to the path, trapping me in a small space only about five feet wide. "Get away from me!" I yell, backing into the wall behind me. She laughs. "Morning to you too, Lazuli." She says. I look down at the ground to find it soaked with blood. I can't tell whose it is. "Wh- What happened? What did you do?" I ask softly. She gives me a weak grin, saying, "Well, I accidentally collapsed the tunnel, trapping myself under the huge pile of rock and cracking your gem and causing you serious injury." I gasp and touch my teardrop-shaped gem. Sure enough, it had a crack going through it. I try to summon my water wings, but nothing appears. I'm powerless.

"And… can you move?" I ask quietly. She shakes her head. "That's the beauty of this situation." She murmurs. I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" I cautiously ask. Jasper laughs. "Well, since you can't use your powers, and since I can't even move, there's only one way out of this. We have to fuse." She says. I close my eyes. I couldn't let this happen. "No. We can't." I say, my voice rising. She smiles. "That's not how it works, Lazuli. If we fuse, you'll be powerful enough to break out of here and I won't be trapped in rubble. The others will never find us. This is the only way. And you have to choose to fuse this time." Jasper says. I shake my head, but I know in my heart that she's right. "Do you even know what'll happen to us after this? We fused for only a few days last time, and we started to feel side effects. Understanding each other, connecting in dreams. What if it happens again, but worse?" I ask. I don't want to ever be with her again, but if the pattern stays true… "We have to take the risk. It's either that or be trapped forever." She mutters. I sigh. "Please, Jasper." I plead, desperately trying to avoid her words. She glowers at me. "Lazuli, you know it has to happen." She mutters. I take in a deep breath. "O… Okay. I… I'm… Let's just get this over with." I whisper. She grabs my hand, and I flinch. I dance as best as I can, and we begin to fuse.

The familiar green environment surrounds me. I'm Malachite once again. I fall to my knees. "I… I can't do this." Jasper looks at me with scorn. "Hold it together, Lazuli. We have to stay fused to get out of here." She yells, struggling to keep us fused. I take a deep breath. "Just chain me up. I… I can't make myself stay with you." I whisper. She shrugs, and I feel chains wrap around my arms and legs. I scream, and memories of Malachite flood my mind.

Peridot: I feel someone shaking my shoulder. I blink my eyes open to find Amethyst standing over me. "Peridot, dude! Wake up!" she calls. I sit up, rubbing my head. "What happened?" I ask groggily. She looks up. "When the basement collapsed, I pulled us down here before the roof fell on us. I think we're in some part of Jasper's caves. C'mon, dude. We have to go." She says, offering me a hand up. I take it, and we scan the area. "Where are we going to go?" I ask, confused. She looks back at me. "You want to save Lapis, don't you? This was obviously caused by her and Jasper. We have to hurry." I nod, and together we blindly run through the tunnels, no clue where we are or where we're headed.

Lapis: I blink open my eyes. I'm reliving my worst moments, and it takes all of my effort just to be awake. I look through Malachite's eyes, and find us almost at the entrance to the caves. "We're free." I tonelessly murmur. I look up at Jasper. "We can unfuse now." I say. She shakes her head, and the chains around me tighten, starting to drag me downwards. I look up, panicked. Jasper stares at me sadly. "Did you really think that I would let you go? I'm getting home, Lazuli. Malachite's going to get us there." She says. I start to yell, but the chains pull me under, and I'm trapped beneath the waters of Malachite's mind. I scream, but no one hears. No one but me.

Peridot: "Look! There's the exit!" I yell. Amethyst and I pick up our pace, sprinting towards the gap in the ceiling. We climb out, and I see- "Malachite!" I yell. The fusion turns around. "Oh, great. Just what I needed. You two." Malachite sneers. I look desperately up towards her. "Lapis?" I whisper. Malachite laughs. "Her? She's out of control, you little punk. She's cracked, stuck beneath the surface of our mind. You're too late. I've won, she's lost." Malachite yells. Tears fill my eyes. "You can't…" I whisper. Malachite sneers, and takes to the skies. "Lapis, no!" I cry, but she doesn't hear.

I turn to Amethyst, but find her… "What are you doing?" I ask, confused. The purple gem had shape-shifted into a large eagle. "I'm going after her. C'mon!" she says. I nod, and climb onto her back. We take to the skies.

Lapis: "Let me out! Please!" I scream. I watch as Peridot and Amethyst grow smaller and smaller. The sound of Jasper's laugh fills our mind. "Sorry, Lazuli. You're going to help me through this." She says. I narrow my eyes. I had had to stop her. I clawed my way up to the surface. The chains dug into my wrists and ankles, but I didn't care.

She looked at me in surprise. "Lazuli? How did you…?" she asks, confused. I crawl over to her, and try to punch her. She easily dodges, and laughs. "This is how you want to play? So be it." She says with a smirk. Her fist connects with my face, and I black out.

Jasper: Our fusion is ripped apart. We're floating in space. I use my spin dash attack to grab Lazuli and move over to this planet's moon. I lay the blue gem down to rest on the hard rock. I take a good look at her. She was done. She'd gotten me off planet. I give an empty laugh. "Even when you're cracked, you're still stronger than me. I'm sorry we couldn't have ever been friends. I think that I would've liked you." I murmur. I pick her up in my arms. I couldn't bring her back to Homeworld. They'd shatter her. I threw her lifeless body down to the planet we'd be trapped on. "Goodbye, Lazuli." I murmured. She would be safe now. Maybe I could even see her again in our dreams. I smiled.

"Hey, Jasper! What did you do with Lapis?" I heard a shout coming from the planet. I looked over to find the Amethyst and Peridot heading towards me. I shrugged. "I can get home from here, so I gave her back." I said. The two gems looked back to the planet just in time to see her fall down. Without a word, the two of them dove down to catch her. Shaking my head, I used my spin dash attack to propel myself towards Homeworld. I was finally going home.

Peridot: "Go faster!" I screamed. We had to catch her. "It'll be fine! She's headed towards water!" Amethyst responded. We grew closer to her every second, and as we entered the atmosphere, she gained a fiery aura. "Amethyst!" I yelled. She flew faster, but not fast enough. Lapis hit the water with a sickening thump. I dove off Amethyst and into the water after the blue gem. I grabbed her hand, and we rose to the surface. Amethyst flew us to the beach without another word.

Lapis: I blinked open my eyes. Well, it was actually only one eye. The other one was blackened from where Jasper had hit me. Jasper. I sat up with a jolt. "Jasper!" I yelled. I looked around, and found Peridot and Amethyst standing over me. "Lapis! You're okay!" Peridot yelled as pulled me into a hug. I flinched, remembering Jasper's cruel touch. "Well, I guess I'm still here." I mutter. I notice Amethyst staring at me with a weird look on my face. I sigh. "What? Did I do something wrong?" I ask her. She grimaces. "Well, I mean, look at you." She mumbles. I glance down at my hands and jump. "What… What happened?" I quietly asked. My hands were covered in small golden flecks and burn marks. "When you fell back to the planet, you caught fire when you came in the atmosphere. As for the spots… I'm not really sure." Amethyst murmured. I sighed. "I think… Whenever I've fused with Jasper, I've always had after effects from it. Maybe these flecks is just part of that." I murmured. I'd told Jasper that this could happen, but I hadn't thought that it would get this bad.

"Ohhhh! I know why that happens." Peridot remarked. I looked up at her skeptically. "You do?" I asked. She nodded. "Because you were made to be like a Diamond, you and Jasper were both given some of their attributes. Since both Yellow and Blue Diamond have their gems in the same spot, when they fuse, their gems combine into one. For all other gems, their gems would be placed side by side. But the Diamond's gems are strong enough to endure combining. But since your gem isn't that strong, when you fuse parts of your attributes are swapped." Peridot says. I look down at my hands. "So now we're both patterned. Great." I say, my voice void of any emotion. "Now I'm even more like her." The two gems stand in silence. I sigh. "Here, I'm fine to go. I should probably fix this crack or whatever." I mutter. They nod, and pull me to my feet. We head into camp.


	22. Dreaming

**New text format! Oh god I can already feel the awkwards for this new format I'm sorry in advance… How am I supposed to write happy characters again? Like ?**

Lapis: I gingerly limp into camp with the aid of Peridot and Amethyst. The looks on the Crystal Gem's faces… Pearl looks shocked and… disappointed. Steven looks overjoyed, and I can't help but smile back at him. Garnet is as passive as ever.

"Yeah, I'm alive." I mutter.

Pearl raises her eyebrow at Amethyst and Peridot.

"So you helped her even after we told you not to?" Pearl demands.

I take a step back.

"You told them to abandon me? You wanted to leave me for dead?" I whisper.

Pearl merely shrugged.

"What can I say, Lazuli? You're a threat."

I whip around to face her, furious.

"You poofed me and threw my gem down into the cave. If I hadn't been weakened, I could've beaten her on my own. You're a coward." I growl.

Pearl looks me over, and then smiles.

"I was protecting my family. You were selfish enough to put us at risk. I'm not the one at fault here, Lazuli. You're the villain and I'm the hero." She sneers.

I laugh, saying, "Oh, excuse me for wanting to live. You're right, it is all my fault for asking for help. I'll never do it again." I say darkly.

Peridot puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, could you maybe continue this after we heal your gem? You're not exactly in the best shape right now." she murmurs.

Steven looks at me with pity.

"Is your gem cracked? Here, let me help." Steven says.

He starts to walk over to me, but Pearl stops him, a grave look on her face.

"Who says we're willing to heal you?" the pale gem asks.

She's finally formally threatened me. Normally, I would've just let it slide and begged to be healed. But not today. Was it because I'd fused again with Jasper? Was her anger really rubbing off on me that much? I clench my hands into fists.

"You wouldn't dare." I mutter.

Pearl is about to respond, but Garnet intervenes.

"No, we wouldn't. Steven, it's okay to go heal her." Garnet murmurs, putting her hand on Pearl's shoulder.

I kneel down, and I feel his hand glide over my gem. I sigh in relief as pain is gradually released from my body.

"Lapis… your gem was almost cracked all the way through. You were almost shattered." Steven murmurs.

I turn to face him, my eyes hiding the shock and fear my heart knows so well.

"I'm fine. I'm still alive, aren't I?" I say weakly.

He nods, but I still see doubt in his eyes, so I put my hand on his shoulders.

"Hey, it's okay. It'll be better from now on, I promise. Jasper's gone and I'm alive. I'm here to stay." I murmur.

He smiles, and relief fills my heart. I can't bear to see him sad. I can't make anyone unhappy from now on.

"So, Lapis, I think we need to have a little talk. Just you and me." Pearl says, interrupting me.

I turn and look up at her. "Yeah, because that turned out so great last time. I don't trust you anymore. Not for a second." I growl.

She'd been the reason that Jasper had hurt me. If I hadn't been poofed, I would've never been with Jasper that day, and I could've never told her where I was. I'd be safe, alive, and okay. She shrugs.

"Then why don't we do it here in the fields? We can be out of earshot from everyone else, but they can still watch us. Does that meet your standards?" Pearl asks, hostility spiking her tone.

I nod, but I still don't trust her. She doesn't even have to poof me now; even her words could cause me to fall apart.

With a sharp glance from Pearl, the other gems slowly retreat to various areas of the camp. Pearl sits down, shooting me a glare.

"Sit." She commands.

I bristle. "You can't just boss me around, you know." I mutter, grudgingly sitting down beside her.

She smirks at me, replying, "And yet here you are."

I glare at her. "Why have you always hated me? I never hurt you. But yet all you've ever done is hurt me." I mutter, staring out into the distance.

She returns my stare. "You're a wild card. You pose a threat to us, yet you can't be controlled. I want to stop that mutiny before it starts." She responds smoothly.

I look away. "What do you want, Pearl?" I ask darkly.

She gives me a bittersweet smile.

"I want you gone, Lazuli. You're too dangerous." She tells me.

I look away from her smug face.

"Please. This is the only place I have left. Even you're not that cruel." I mutter.

"You're the cruel one here, honey. And I don't want you near Steven. You're a threat to everyone, even including yourself."

"Oh, really? You're adding that to my resume too? Yeah, just put it besides murderer and liar, will you?" I sneer.

"I'm tired of your constant relapses. I want you gone by the end of the month, or I'll take care of you myself." The pale gem says, glaring down at me.

I return her steady gaze. "And where do you suggest I go? Should I just waltz back in to Homeworld's hands?" I mutter.

"No. I want you to bring Steven home."

I whip around to face her. "Oh yeah? Have you forgotten that he can't breathe in space? And even if we somehow manage it, I'll still end up on Earth with you, and that's the last thing I want." I say, my voice steadily rising.

Pearl smirks. "Look at you, all riled up. This is what I mean. You're so like Jasper at this point. I don't want you hurting anyone that I love." She whispers.

I'm fuming. How dare she? "And who might that be? The only one you care for is Rose, and she's gone, replaced by her son. You've forgotten about everyone else, including Steven! You're more of a wreck than I am." I yell.

She quickly places her spear underneath my chin, stopping me from uttering another word. A pinprick of blood falls from where the spear tip touches my skin.

"You think that I'm worse than you, Lazuli? Look at yourself! You've been hurt by everyone around you, used like a tool at every opportunity. You've shattered hundreds of gems without thinking twice! And now you want to regret it? It's too late for that! Those gems are dead, never to come back, and it's all because of you! Casted off by Homeworld, seen as a threat by us! You've only ever fused once, and you lost control both times! You're a weakling compared to anyone with real power! And anyone who might've cared for you is warned off by your temper and supposed 'emotional trauma.' You call yourself a mess, but you never were very tidy in the first place, now were you? You choose to be emotional, and so fear consumes you. You're like this because you chose to be, and now look what's happened! You have no one left to love you!"

My hands are shaking, and I have to force back the tears. Anger and sadness war for control inside my heart. Part of me wants to sink down and cry. I know that she's right, but that's no reason to break down. The other half of me wants to scream vile things at her until my throat grows hoarse. I try to find a balance.

"You're wrong." I mumble.

I wasn't about to stand down, but I couldn't muster anything in me to hurt her in response, not when everything she said was true.

She gives a harsh laugh.

"Do you even know who you are? You're a brute. I can't even stand to be in your presence sometimes." The pale gem sneered.

I looked up at her, tears brimming in my eyes.

"Do you really think I chose to be this way? That my sadness is my own fault? No, you're wrong. I'm stronger than you'll ever know." I yell, the tears finally spilling over.

She smiled at me.

"I think not. You choose to react badly to everything that's ever happened to you. You feel this way because you're too weak to try to get better. You suffer because you deserve to."

And with that, she walked away.

I walk back over to Peridot, desperately trying to hide the tears in my eyes.

"What'd she want to talk about?" Peridot asked.

I couldn't tell her the truth. If Pearl was right, and I only made people unhappy, then I needed to change. I had to hold in my feelings so I could never hurt anyone. I sat down next to her on the ground and gave her a smile.

"Oh, just about how she was feeling." I casually replied.

She could never know.

"So… what do you want to do now?" Peridot asked.

I gazed off into the distance.

"Relax, I guess. Not really used to a calm life. I have no clue what to do." I replied.

Peridot smiled, saying, "At least that means you've had a lot of adventure."

I never asked for adventure. All I want now is peace. For the first time in my life, I can relax. So why do I feel so uneasy?

"Hey, so what do you guys do around here for fun?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation up.

Peridot looked away. "Nothing, really. We just sulk a lot. Maybe now we can finally enjoy ourselves now that Jasper's gone." She murmured.

My eyes flashed at Jasper's name, but Peridot didn't notice. I looked up at the cloudless sky. The stars shone bright, and I could still see Homeworld from here.

"Hey, it's getting late, and it's been… a rough day. I'm just going to take it easy. Maybe even sleep, if I can manage." I said, turning my gaze to Peridot.

She smiled and put her arm around my shoulder. I forced myself to stay calm. _This isn't Jasper_ , I told myself. But somewhere in my mind I could still feel her devastating blows. I had to get over it.

I rested my head on Peridot's shoulder, and I could almost see her radiate with joy. We laid this way for a while, and I could finally feel her go to sleep.

Should I sleep? On the one hand, it meant the possibility of facing Jasper. I was still terrified of her, but I was curious, too. Why hadn't she just used Malachite to fly to Homeworld? It would've been a lot easier and safer to use our fusion to travel. I had to find out. I let myself drift off into a dreary slumber.

I was almost used to Jasper's mindscape, and so the blackness surrounding surprised me. "Jasper?" I called. I got no answer.

I wasn't going to give up yet. I racked my mind, desperately hoping that I would find the orange warrior. Instead, I found something worse. Nightmares.

I ran around my dreams, trying to escape the fear and pain that had haunted me for so long. "Jasper?" I called. Even if she wasn't real, I wanted to see if I could find any hints as to why she'd saved me. The world spun around me, and my nightmares grew darker.

I found myself in a flashback. I helplessly watched as I fused with Jasper. "Run!" I screamed, but dream Lapis could never quite hear me. Malachite flew to the heavens above, but I was rooted to the ground. I knew it wasn't real, but I couldn't bear to watch any longer. I woke up in a cold sweat.

Peridot's concerned face loomed over me.

"Lapis? Are you okay?" she asked gently.

I rubbed my head and looked away. I saw Garnet standing across the camp staring at us. I gave a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." I murmured.

Peridot looked down at me.

"Was it a nightmare?"

"It was only a flashback. I'm fine. It hasn't even been a day yet. Give me time."

Peridot looked at me skeptically, but spoke gently.

"Was it Malachite?"

I quietly nodded.

Peridot paused, and then looked at me guiltily.

"What… What's it like to be fused?" she mumbled.

I smiled softly at her.

"I'm not really the best one to ask. But… it would've been great if I'd been fused with anyone but Jasper. It's like you're never alone…" I murmurs, staring off into the distance.

Peridot glanced away, her mind in deep thoughts.

"What was it like to be Malachite?"

I flinched a little, and she reached a hand out as if offering help.

"No, it's fine. You… have a right to know. It's like you're trapped to another person, and you understand them perfectly, but that makes it even worse. Jasper was one of the strongest gems ever to be made by Homeworld, and I was constantly warring with her, never able to give up. As time went on, I found it more difficult to separate our personalities. I started to become Malachite. I felt every ounce of rage that Jasper had, and I'm sure she felt… my conflicted emotions as well. I hurt her just as much as she hurt me." I mumbled.

Peridot put her hand on my shoulder, and I smiled at her.

"It's fine, really." I murmured.

Peridot gave me a look that told me she knew otherwise, but I conveniently ignored it.

"Come on Peri, cheer up." I said with a grin.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Alright then. I think I know what we can do." She said.

We'd spent the entire day roaming the island in search of adventure. I'd taught her how to surf, and she'd attempted to show me how to do advanced calculus. Needless to say, it didn't go well, as I had never had so much as a single math lesson. I did enjoy watching her doing the math, though. She was cute when she was being herself. We fell asleep under the stars once more.

My dreams were just as bad as the previous night's. This time, I was stuck watching myself trapped in the mirror, endlessly waiting for someone, anyone to free me.

When I woke up, I forced myself to stay as still as a statue. I didn't want Peridot to know that I'd been having nightmares again. She was still fast asleep, peacefully resting on my shoulder. Maybe one day I could be like her too; happy and free of all worry.

I look across the clearing and find Garnet staring at me once more. When she notices my gaze, she frowns and walks away. She's thinking about something, I just know it.

After another long day, I lay down with Peridot once more.

"What a day." I say breathlessly.

Peridot smiles, and we stare up at the starry sky.

After a moment, she tells me, "I think you're beautiful."

I look over at her, smiling.

"I think that you're so much more than just beautiful." I murmur.

We fall asleep smiling.

Garnet: Once I see that Lapis and Peridot are finally asleep, I walk over to the campfire to find Pearl.

"Pearl."

The pale gem looks up at me. She's changed so much during her time on this time. But not for the better.

"Hello, Garnet."

"You seem to be very cold to Lazuli lately."

"What makes you think that?"

I frown at her. She's become much more difficult too.

"I want you to truly understand her. Maybe then you can finally let your grudge go."

"I don't have a grudge."

I stared passively back at her.

"What's your point, Garnet?"

"I want to have Steven take us into Lapis' dreams tonight."

Pearl leaned back, aghast with shock.

"Isn't that a… small invasion of privacy, to say the least? Especially for her…" Pearl trailed off.

I shook my head.

"You need to see for yourself what she's been through, Pearl. The others too."

"Surely you won't share it with them?"

"We're all going."

Pearl glared at me. It didn't matter what she thought, though.

"I'll go get the others. You wake up Steven."

Peridot: I felt a hand softly shake me awake.

"Come with me, and try not to wake Lapis."

I groggily walked through camp to the small shack. I found Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven there.

"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"We're going into Lapis' dreams tonight." Garnet replied.

I stared up at her in shock.

"You can't… that's her private business..."

"Don't you want to know what happened to her?"

I looked away in shame. Of course I did.

"Fine. Let's go." I murmured.

I opened my eyes. Steven had told us all to fall asleep, and that he'd find us in our gems and show us the way to Lapis' dream. We'd all agreed that he wasn't old enough to watch.

"Hey, Peridot! Over here!" I heard Steven's call from behind.

I turn around and walk over to him. He points off in the distance.

"The others are already by the entrance to her dreams. I'll see you when I wake up." He says.

I nodded, and started walking.

I finally catch up to the other three gems.

"Come on, Peridot. We have to go if we want to catch her before we wake up." Amethyst called.

I sprinted the rest of the distance. When I arrived, I saw that the gems were standing by a blue door.

"Let's go." Garnet commanded.

Pearl opened the door, and all we could see was a dark landscape.

We walked in.

The darkness starts to clear, and our group finds Lapis huddled on the ground. I'm about to call out to her, but Garnet quickly covers my mouth.

"She can't know. We can't help her. It's better that we watch tonight in private than to have to come back another night because she found out and woke up. Let's just watch and see."

I nod, and look back at Lazuli. Her dream right now is in an orange landscape with two figures.

"Lapis and Jasper." I whisper.

The larger figure, Jasper, starts to attack dream Lapis, hitting her with her fists and feet. Each thump rings out across the dreamscape. I want with all my heart to save her, but I know that it's not real. Lapis cries out in pain, only causing Jasper to hit harder. Blood starts spurting from her nose after a vicious blow to her face. She's kicked in the chest, and I hear a splintering as a rib breaks. She tries to curl up into a ball, but Jasper won't have that. She rears back her fist to give out the final blow, when the dream shifts, and they're both buried in an avalanche.

When the dust clears, Jasper is buried under a pile of rocks. Lapis' gem is cracked, but the two talk. Jasper reaches out her hand, and the blue gem takes it with tears in her eyes. They fuse, and the dream shifts again.

Lapis is huddled in a ball on the ground, squeezing her eyes shut. Jasper is struggling with all of her might to keep the fusion together. Lapis' words from earlier ring through my head. "I hurt her just as much as she hurt me." I realize now that she was right.

Lapis starts to struggle against the chains, but they dig into her skin as they pull her underneath. We follow her, and find her bound at the bottom of Malachite's mind. She tries to get up, but the chains keep her bound. Each movement she makes only hurts her more. After a minute, she lays face down on the ground, her eyes glazed over with tears. We hear her quiet sobs, and I look away.

"Please…" I hear her cry out. "I can't do this anymore!"

I can't bear to watch this, and I start to run away. But before I've gotten very far, I hear it.

The sound of her gem splintering in the distance.

The fusion breaks apart with a flash, and we wake up.

The five of us silently glance around the room at each other.

"Okay, so are we not going to talk about this?" Amethyst asks.

"I didn't expect it to be that bad. I never realized…" Pearl confessed.

We're all badly shaken by this, and we didn't even live through it ourselves. I can't even imagine…

"That fusion… I never thought it could have ever been so toxic. It's not right. No wonder she's so upset." Garnet muses, an angry look on her face.

"I think that she's a little more than upset, Garnet. I mean, did you see the way Jasper treated her? It was like she enjoyed hurting Lapis." Amethyst notes.

"And to think that she had to go through that because we refused to help her. No wonder she hates us." Pearl mumbles.

"Do you think that she'll ever get better?" Amethyst asks.

"I don't think she'll ever be completely healed after that." Garnet murmurs.

Pearl runs her hands through her hair, and says, "And to think I kept telling her how alike she and Jasper are… No wonder she hates me. Jasper is a complete monster."

I stay silent. I don't want to believe that was real. It was like a scene from a horror tale. One thing was for certain: Lapis was not okay, not matter what she said.

"What are we going to do now?" Pearl asked.

Silence.

"What if we, you know, tried to help her? We're the Crystal Gems. We're supposed to help people." Amethyst said with a hint of a smile.

"Yeah, and all we've done is hurt her instead. Honestly, how is she still sane? I'd expect her to be a mess after all of that." Pearl murmured.

"You guys having a party without me?"

We whipped around to face the door. Lapis was here.

Lapis: I'd woken up to find Peridot and the others missing. Naturally, they'd all been hanging out without me. The five of them stared at me with a mixture of emotions – sadness, guilt, and even… remorse.

"Hey… Lapis. How much did you hear?" Pearl asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Just that last bit. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you talking about a mess, so clearly this conversation was about me." I replied.

The stole guilty glances at each other.

"So I'm not wrong, am I?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We were just…" Amethyst began.

"Talking about Jasper. She's a mess too, you know." Pearl continued.

I clenched my fist at Jasper's name.

"Yeah, I know. I've been trapped in a fusion with her twice now. Or are you just trying to remind me how much the two of us have in common?" I muttered.

They all flinched.

"No, that's not what I meant at all. I was trying to say…" Pearl tried to cover her mistake, but she found no excuse this time.

Silence. They all look away from me, as if embarrassed to even look at me.

"Did I do something wrong?" I murmur, looking around at everyone's guilty faces.

Garnet shook her head, and replied, "No, it's not you. It's something else."

"Is there something that you're hiding from me?" I questioned.

Silence.

I looked at Peridot wordlessly. She of all people would tell me the truth. But now, she couldn't even meet my eyes.

"You all look horribly guilty. Just saying. I know something is going on here, and I know that it involves me."

Peridot nervously glances at me. We meet eyes for a moment, and she looks at me with sympathy. After a moment, she sighs and says,

"I'm sorry guys, but I can't lie to her. Lapis… we went into your dreams last night. We saw everything."

I walked out of the room without another word.


	23. Reconcile

**Okay so apparently won't accept any page break so I can't separate paragraphs. I tried triple indenting, dashes, tildes, and even periods. But it just skips over them. Great. Also remember that tree house L & P made in like chapter 5 that they literally used for like a day? Hahaha cause I totally did... I actually did though, I just didn't find a way to put it in the story until now.**

Peridot: I watch as Lapis spins around and walks out of the shack.

"I mean, she took it better than we all thought she would." Amethyst notes.

Pearl is blushing.

"Were we really right to do it though? To enter her dreams against her will… It's a huge invasion of privacy, and even more so for her because she has more to hide." The pale gem murmurs.

Garnet shakes her head, and replies, "If we hadn't, we'd still be treating her horribly. No, this way we can help her."

I walk out of the house. I hear Amethyst calling behind me.

"Where are you going, dude?"

"I'm going to go find her." I call over my shoulder.

After about thirty seconds, I realize that I have absolutely no clue where I'm going. I'm just wandering aimlessly around the woods.

I realize that I've been walking back to the treehouse Lapis and I made so long ago.

"I know why you're here."

I look up into the trees, and I find Lapis laying down on a branch.

"Lapis, I-"

"I don't care what you have to say, Peri."

"Please? What if-"

"I don't want to hear it," She interrupts.

I stomp my foot on the ground in frustration.

"Can't you just try to hear me out?" I yell.

"No."

"Are you mad?"

She shrugged and turned away from me.

"What can I do to help you?"

Silence.

With a sigh, I start to climb the tree. Now, Lapis is about fifty feet high, and I've never climbed a tree before. I could already tell that this would turn out badly, but I didn't care.

When I was about halfway up, Lapis rolled over and looked down at me.

"What are you doing? You're going to get hurt!" she called.

I shook my head in response and kept climbing. I was only a few feet below her now, and with every step I took, the branches got thinner.

"Please, Peridot, go back." The blue gem pleaded.

My hand was only a few inches away from her branch. The moment my fingers touched the branch, the one below me broke. I went into a freefall. I heard Lapis cry out from above.

She dove downwards towards me, using her wings to propel her. I reached out for her hands, and she pulled me close to her chest. We were only a few feet from the ground. There wasn't any time to fly away. Lapis turned onto her back just as we hit the ground.

I skidded out of her arms onto the ground, earning scratches and bruises along the way. I put a hand to my cheek, and I found it sticky with blood. But I hadn't even taken the brunt of the impact. She had.

"Lapis!" I cried out, running over to the blue gem.

She was laying face up on the ground, eyes closed. I shook her by the shoulders.

"Wake up, please!" I yelled.

I noticed a small pool of blood trickling from under her back. I flipped her over and found a deep gash only a little above her gem. I looked back down at the ground and found a jagged rock pointing up. She had almost been shattered.

I heard a little cough, and the blue gem's eyes flickered open.

"Careful. The branches are fragile." Lapis murmured.

I pulled her into a hug.

"You could've had your gem broken! What were you thinking? You know that your gem is on your back, and yet you chose to do this anyways!" I yelled, starting to tear up.

"I didn't want you to get hurt. And look, I'm fine." She mumbled.

"You're not fine! Look at you!" I yelled.

"Look at yourself first, Peri. You got pretty badly hurt as is."

"This isn't about me! Do you know what would've happened if your gem had shattered?"

Lapis rested her head on my shoulder.

"I didn't mean to make you worry. But I wanted to keep you safe. And I did."

I sighed. I couldn't let her think this was right.

"Lapis, we need to talk. I don't want to have to chase after you and have this happen again."

"Okay."

I smiled up at her and let her go.

Lapis: My back hurt more than I'd like to admit, honestly. In hindsight, I should've tried to land on my feet. But I'd saved Peridot, which was all that mattered.

Right now, we'd decided to sit in a shady spot that looked over the ocean. Neither of us could find the right words to say.

"How much did you see?" I asked tonelessly, avoiding Peridot's eyes.

She sighed, and murmured, "We came in when Jasper started hitting you."

I flinched. Even now, it was still painful to remember that experience.

"That was the one part I wish you hadn't seen."

"I'd never realized that Jasper was so ruthless."

"I hadn't either."

A pause, and then, "Why didn't you fight back?"

I didn't answer.

"You didn't even try to block."

I turned away.

"You didn't even run. You just stood there and took every blow."

I didn't look at her.

"Lapis?"

I sighed. "You don't want to know."

"Please, tell me."

"I really don't want to."

"Lapis."

I looked down. "I thought that I deserved it."

Peridot leaned back in shock. "But you didn't. Lapis, you know that you didn't deserve to be hurt."

"If you saw my dreams, you saw how much it pained Jasper just to keep our fusion together. I hadn't even been trying to hurt her then. When I put up a fight… it nearly destroyed us both."

"You're not like her, though."

My eyes flashed, and I looked up at Peridot with a steely gaze.

"Really? Because I can find a few parallels."

Peridot didn't respond. She knew that it was true just as well as I did now.

"Why did you even go into my dreams?" I asked, dejected.

"Because we wanted to see what it was really like."

"And?"

"It hurt me just to watch. I mean – It was brutal."

"You had no right to see it."

"I know."

"It's just – everyone has things they like to keep private. But no, you and the others were above that. And now I'm an open book. A charity case."

Peridot had the dignity to look away.

"I know you look at me differently now. I can see it in your eyes." I muttered.

"Yes."

"I bet the others see me that way too."

"Do you blame them?"

"If I were them, I'd be scared of me."

"They were only horrified at what you'd been through."

I didn't respond.

"How did you live through it all?"

"I didn't really."

After a moment's silence, I turn to her.

"I know you want to talk about it."

"What do you mean?"

"You want to know about Malachite."

She looks up at me. "Yes."

I sigh, and gaze up at the stars.

"That was the worst of it."

"I know."

"When I was trapped in the fusion, she could've done whatever she wanted with me. Flown me to Homeworld. Shattered me. Made me hurt others. She could've made me into a monster. I was at her mercy. It scared me to know how powerless I was."

"She let you go."

"It makes me feel even worse. I trapped her underneath the ocean when she was cracked, yet she saved me from going back to Homeworld. Jasper proved that she was a better person than I am."

Peridot stayed silent.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I murmured.

Peridot put her hand on mine.

"Start healing."

"Okay."

We walked back to the campsite.

I was nervous for the entire walk. How would the others treat me? What would they think of me? How would things change?

We entered the clearing, and Peridot calls out to the others, saying, "Hey! We're back!"

The four gems quickly emerged from their various locations, all staring at me. I blushed and looked down, rubbing my shoulder.

Pearl walked up to me, and immediately pulled me into a hug. I bristled at her touch.

"Lapis… I'm so sorry for everything. I treated you terribly, I insulted you for things that weren't your fault, and I told everyone to abandon you when you needed help. I never realized how horrible life has been for you."

I hold my breath and wait for her to let go. When she does, I nervously glance around.

"I mean… can't we deal with this in the morning? I really just want to sleep right now." I say, starting to walk away uneasily.

"No, you can't." Garnet responds.

"Why not?" I ask confusedly.

"We aren't going to let you sleep again for a while. You shouldn't have to go through that when you're asleep. It's unhealthy to keep revisiting the past like that."

"It's my choice if I want to sleep."

"Not for now. You have to heal first."

"You really can't stop me." I argue.

"If you go to sleep, then we can just enter your dreams and see more of your life."

I narrow my eyes but stay silent.

"Glad we could reach an agreement." Garnet says with a smirk.

I sigh and walk away, not wanting to hear any more of their apologies.

I sit on the roof of the shack, gazing up at the stars above. I hear quiet footsteps from behind me.

"If you won't let me sleep, you might as well let me be alone." I call.

"Would you rather me talk about Malachite later in front of the others?"

It was Garnet.

"You had no right to see my memories." I muttered bitterly.

"We did what we had to. You'll thank us later."

"Why would I ever thank you?"

"Because now that we understand what you went through, we can help heal you."

"Do you _really_ think that I'll actually ever be whole again after all that you saw?"

"No."

I don't respond. We both know that I'm broken far too badly to ever be in one piece again. Garnet sits down next to me, trying to catch my gaze.

"Fusion isn't always bad, you know."

I look away.

"Malachite was toxic, but that doesn't mean that every relationship is." Garnet continued.

"I don't trust myself to love anymore." I mutter.

"Give it time and you will. No one can stay alone forever."

I don't respond.

"Do you really think that what Jasper had for you was love?" Garnet softly asks.

I lose my balance for a moment.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I think that no matter what you might argue, you know that Jasper started to develop feelings for you."

I turned away.

"It wasn't love, Lapis. She was alone, and she was desperate for someone be with. It was a relationship built on fear and mistrust."

"Then why did she send me back here? Why didn't she drag me back to Homeworld?"

"I don't know."

We sit in silence for a while, and Garnet finally leaves when the sun starts to rise.

I finally decide to move to Jasper's lake, hoping that no one will find me here. Sadly, my wish was not granted.

"Hey dude."

I already knew it was Amethyst.

"Do I have to go through another talk?"

"Did you really expect us to leave you alone after what we saw?" Amethyst said, sitting beside me at the shores of the lake.

"You shouldn't have seen it in the first place."

"We needed to."

"No, you didn't. My life is personal. You can't just look at everything I am whenever you want."

"Look, I'm sorry that it had to be this way, but you need serious help."

"Aren't you supposed to be trying to apologize or comfort me or whatever?"

"Yeah, but I've never followed the rules anyways."

"Do you still hate me?" Amethyst asks.

"I never hated you."

"I was the one who helped Jasper hurt you that one time. I didn't stop Pearl when I saw her throw your gem into the cave. I let you get hurt. How can you not hate me?"

"Because you're sorry about it. You regret it. You always have."

"That doesn't mean it's okay."

"No."

"What are you even feeling right now? We've put you through a lot. All of us have at some point."

I give a hollow laugh. "I don't really know. I'm emotionally exhausted at this point. Everything seems so simple now."

"Do you miss the way things used to be?"

"What's there to miss?"

"I mean, do you miss how it was back on Homeworld?"

"I was never happy there either."

"Then why did you want to go back there so badly?"

"Because it's all I've ever known."

I walk back into camp, a determined look on my face.

"Hey, Lapis! Did you have a good walk?" Peridot calls, running over to me.

"Yeah. I've finally decided to help you guys for once."

"What do you mean?"

"Pearl said she wanted me to get Steven home. I'm going to do it."

"Lapis, you need rest. You're still not strong enough. You don't have to do this."

"I don't want it to be my fault that you're stranded here."

"Lapis-"

"I'll be back in a week."

"That's pushing yourself too hard. It's way too far-"

"I love you, Peridot." I call, starting to fly into the blue sky.

"Lapis, no!" Peridot calls. I'm too far away. It doesn't matter what she thinks anymore. I have to help these people.


	24. Regime

**That last chapter was so hard to write omg. Like I'd try to write but then my brain said no. Anyways we're going into the climax now. The book is soon to end. I'd give it less than 20 chapters, probably under 15. You never know. Anyways hope you dudes enjoy. Okay the Steven bomb 5 (the leaked one ugh) sorta messed up my plans but not too much but omg that was some quality writing in those episodes. ALSO PART 3 HAS BEEN CHANGED SO SOME STUFF IS CLEARER IT MIGHT HELP TO RE-READ IT.**

Jasper: It's been three days since I've arrived on Homeworld. Once I arrived, I immediately reported in to one of the gems here. They've shunted me off into a small cell in the basement of some large facility. There are no windows or bars. Just a thick metal door and a bench. I've been locked here this whole time.

But today, something is different. I hear the bolt on the door click open. I glance up, curious. The door opens, and an Amethyst guard stands in the doorway.

"White Diamond would like to see you now." The guard states, beckoning me forth.

I stand up from my lonely bench and step outside. Why would White Diamond want to see me? I was created by Yellow Diamond, and had only met White Diamond once or twice before. This didn't seem right…

Lapis: _Space is so beautiful. I wish I could be here more often. But I can't. Peridot would be lonely without me._ I think to myself as I fly through space. I have to keep searching for Earth. I have no clue where it is at all. I could be flying in the opposite direction, and I would have no way of knowing.

I see an intensely bright dot in the distance. It had to be the Earth's sun. I started racing towards it in hopes of finding Earth. Sadly, luck has never been in my favor. It was a spaceship. And it came from Homeworld.

I tried to turn back, but they'd already seen me. A beam of light was projected from the ship, and it immobilized me. I started to rise towards the ship. The moment I boarded the ship, I felt a blow to my head and blacked out.

Jasper: The Amethyst lead me to a crystalline warp pad just outside of the facility.

"This is it. Use it to get to White Diamond. Good luck, soldier." The Amethyst guard told me. I nodded, and stepped onto the pad. It activated, and I was warped away.

"Jasper. So glad you could make it." I look behind me to find White Diamond at her throne.

"My Diamond." I say, giving her the proper salute.

"You've happened to arrive at just the right moment."

"Thank you, my Diamond." I respond.

"No need to be formal with me, Jasper. There's no time for that."

I lower my salute.

"I bet you're wondering why you're here with me instead of with Yellow Diamond, your very own creator."

"Yes."

"I haven't even told her of your return. Does that surprise you?"

"Yes."

"You're very good at hiding your shock, at any rate."

"Thank you." I respond. Even though she told me to be casual, it's social practice to highly respect the Diamonds. I keep my remarks to a minimum.

"So, you're the famed creation of Yellow Diamond herself?"

"Yes."

"Then we have one more thing in common."

"What's that?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I was made by the Diamonds, too."

She must see the look of surprise on my face, for she gives me a sly grin.

"As you know, White Diamond tried to create something like you. But hers failed, never coming out of the ground." White says.

"That's what I've been told."

"That's a lie."

I stand in silence.

"White Diamond's creation came out of the ground. But hers was a perfect replica. It was me."

I raise my eyebrow. "But then-"

"But then where is the original White Diamond? I'll get there. When I arose from the ground, White Diamond told me that she was to bubble me until she was unfit to rule. So I helped her along the way."

"You shattered her." I mutter.

"Yes. I then pretended like White Diamond's creation had never seen daylight, and that I was the original."

"It's been 7,000 years." I murmur.

"Yes."

"But why did you want to see me?" I ask.

"The other two Diamonds are holding me- no, they're holding all of Homeworld back from becoming what it truly should be." White Diamond proclaimed.

"What should it be?" I asked.

"Under my rule, anyone who fails to do exactly what is expected of them will be shattered on the spot. No more second chances, no more leniency. Only perfection shall thrive." White Diamond says passionately.

"What does this have to do with me?"

"I can't take on two Diamonds on my own."

"Even with my aid, they'll still beat us." I state.

White Diamond smirks, and says, "I know. But what if all four of us – all four of the gems created by the diamonds - fused? They could never deal with that. We would win for sure."

My mind immediately goes to Lapis. Her fear of fusing. Her fear of me.

"How will you find the other two?" I ask, starting to sweat.

"I've already found one of them. Blue Diamond's creation. A starship found her flying in space. She's been apprehended and is on her way here now."

My heart drops.

"What… What about Pink Diamond's attempt? Have you located Rose Quartz?" I ask nervously.

White Diamond shakes her head. "There has been no sign of her. I would send the starship that holds Lapis Lazuli to Earth to try to locate her, but Lazuli controls water, and sending her to a planet filled with the element would not be wise."

"What if I took a faster starship out to Earth myself? I could try to find Rose Quartz myself. I would be strong enough to face her." I stammered.

I had no such intentions.

White Diamond nodded. "Yes, that would be wise. I'll prepare a ruby ship for you. They may be small, but they can travel at light speed. When you secure Rose Quartz, contact me at once."

I saluted her and walked to the warp pad.

"Yes, my Diamond."

I warped away.

Lapis: When I awoke, I found myself in an empty room. There was no light, heat, or sound. It was almost as if I had been trapped in my mind again. I felt around the room for a door. There were none. It must be new technology.

I banged my hands on the walls, calling out,

"Let me out! I don't belong here!"

After a minute, one of the walls disappeared. I put my hand where there had once been a barrier, only to find it still there, just invisible. A gem walked into my line of sight.

"Welcome aboard our ship, Sapphire."

Sapphire? How could they be more mistaken?

"No, I'm not a Sapphire. I'm Lapis Lazuli." I mutter.

The gem looked up at me, and I finally saw her in a better light. It was a Peridot. My throat tightened. How was the Peridot doing back on our planet? Did she miss me? How long had I been out?

"Nope. I sent a report of your gem back to Homeworld, and they classified you as a Sapphire gem. And no offense, but the real Lapis Lazuli is out fighting battles on different planets, and you don't exactly look like a warrior." The Peridot said.

Homeworld didn't make mistakes like this. They had hidden my gem type from these gems on this ship on purpose. Why?

"But you know that I'm friendly, so can't I be let out?" I ask hopefully.

The green gem shakes her head.

"The report that Homeworld sent also says that you tend not to follow orders. We don't want a rebel on the loose."

The Peridot must see the frustrated look on my face, because she smiles and says, "Look, we'll be back at Homeworld in a few days. When you get there, you have orders to report to White Diamond at once. You must've really screwed up there, pal. I don't envy you on this one."

She walks away, and the barrier forms into a wall again, cutting me off from the real world.

I slump down against the back wall and start to think. Why would Homeworld hide my gem? The Peridot from the ship had thought that I was fighting battles on other planets. It's what the Diamonds had said my purpose was for. I guess they didn't want to admit that one of their stronger warriors had turned rogue. Better to lie to keep the peace.

But why would White Diamond want to see me? Why not Blue Diamond? Something big was about to happen. With that thought in mind, I started to sleep.

Jasper: I put the ship on autopilot, and laid down on the floor. I'd set course for the small planet where the Crystal Gems were trapped. When the ship was close, I'd set an alarm to wake me up. I had to go warn Lapis. I fell asleep the moment my eyes closed.

I looked around. I was trapped in a blue landscape now instead of the familiar orange one I called my own. That meant one thing.

"Jasper?"

I turned around to find the petite blue gem behind me.

"Long time no see." I said, walking over to her.

She started backing away from me, and so I stopped.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Don't you remember the last time we met? We didn't exactly part on happy terms." Lapis says, looking down at the ground.

Right. I'd forgotten. But clearly, she had not.

"Look, I'm sorry, but-" I started.

"I don't want your apologies. I want answers." She mutters darkly, a shadow crossing over her face.

"What happened to your face?" I ask, pointing at the small golden specks.

She blushes and murmurs, "Just another side effect of fusing with you."

I raise my eyebrow.

"I had a different side effect this time." I mutter.

"And?"

"I got a little bit of your water manipulation. Not enough to form hands or chains, but enough to stir the currents a bit."

"How'd you find out?"

"When I got to Homeworld, they first kept me in a cell with a small leak in the roof."

"This is one of the reasons why I hate fusing with you. I'm never the same again." She murmurs.

I look away. "Yeah, well it might happen again in the near future." I mutter.

She stomps up to me and pushes me onto the ground. I don't fight back. I know anger well enough, and what she needs right now is to vent. She places a foot on my chest.

"Is that a threat?" she demands.

"It's not my fault or my choice, Lazuli. I've gotten what I wanted from fusion. Sadly, Homeworld has not."

She looks down at me, a look a mingled disgust and fear on her face.

"What do you mean? Homeworld is against fusing."

"We're both going to be used this time, Lazuli. You'll see when you get there."

She takes her foot off my chest and steps back.

"You're not joking, are you?"

"I've never been very funny."

I stand up and face her.

"Why did you do it? Why didn't you drag me back with you to Homeworld?" she finally asks.

"I felt sorry hurting you more than I already had."

She rubs her shoulder uncomfortably.

"That one time when you were angry…" she murmurs.

"I regret it." I quickly say. It hadn't been my finest moment.

"Do you know how much it hurt?"

"No. I don't want to even imagine it."

"I had to do more than imagine that experience. I had to live through it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's more than that. It made fusing that much worse."

"I can't undo it."

"You hit me just because I was in your way."

"I shouldn't have let my anger get that out of control."

"I know it just as well as you do."

"I can only say sorry so many times."

Lapis doesn't respond, but instead stares at me.

"You're fading."

I look down to find that she's right.

"I must be getting close to our planet." I murmur.

She looks at me with a shocked expression on her face.

"Why are you going back?" she exclaims.

"I have to warn the Crystal gems of what's happened to you. And I have to hide little Rose."

She looks at me, shocked. "Why?"

"Would you rather have him in our fusion? I'm protecting them from Homeworld. Plus, they all deserve to know what's happened to you."

I can almost see the ship again. I'm almost awake.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"The Crystal Gems saw everything that you did to me. They'll hate you even more now."

"Good to know."

She disappears, and I wake up.


	25. Meeting

**Lol when I started this series I was like "oh they're gonna have light hearted family adventures and it'll be sunshine and rainbows with mild conflict and equal focus on all characters" what happened? Also when Lapis was called a Sapphire last chapter it was bc White Diamond wants to keep Lapis' presence a secret from the other Diamonds n stuff. Also this chapter is slightly more sassy than normal.**

Jasper: I stand up, still drowsy from my sleep. The ship is starting to land. I sit down in the pilot's seat, bracing for impact. The ship hits, and dirt sprays everywhere. The moment I walk out, I find Pearl's spear tip press against my neck.

"What a warm welcome." I mutter.

In her shock, Pearl only manages to scream "Jasper!" at the top of her lungs.

"Yeah, I've really missed you too. Can I speak with you as a group? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you'll want to hear what I have to say, and I don't want to have to repeat it."

Pearl grudgingly walks me into her camp with her spear against my back.

The five gems stare up at me in shock. I give a little cough to break the ice, but no one says a word.

"I assume you want to know why I'm here." I start.

"You monster!" Peridot yells.

I sigh. "If I'm going to be interrupted every time I try to speak, I might as well leave now with this _very_ _valuable information_." I say.

"Why are we letting her back? We should have poofed her ages ago!" Pearl argues, ignoring my comment.

"We want to hear what she has to say." Garnet replies.

"Doesn't really seem like it." I mutter, but they don't hear me over the sounds of their own bickering.

"She's probably lying. She always lies." Amethyst argues.

"She's hurt Lapis a lot too, we've all seen it." Peridot growls.

"We should at least give her a chance. We gave you and Lapis a chance, Peridot." The small Rose reasons.

"Only after almost killing us for nothing!" Peridot yells.

"Can I actually speak?" I interrupt, but they ignore me.

"That's different!" Pearl exclaims.

"We had good reason to believe that-" Amethyst starts, but I yell over her.

"Lapis Lazuli has been captured by Homeworld, you idiots!" I scream.

This managed to get their attention.

"What?" Peridot asks, shocked.

"Some Homeworld spaceship captured her and they're bringing her to Homeworld." I reply, glad to finally have their attention.

"So why are you here?" Pearl asks suspiciously.

"Homeworld wants to use her – and me – as part of a plot to shatter the Diamonds against our wills. If we're caught, we'll be shattered. The plan involves us – that is the creations of the four Diamonds – fusing." I state.

"But wasn't Rose Quartz part of that group?" Amethyst asks.

I nod. "Lapis loves little Rose here, and since I wanted to tell you about Lazuli's fate, I thought I might as well protect him too."

Little Rose smiled up at me. "My name's Steven, not little Rose. And thanks. I knew you weren't all that bad."

"That can't be the only reason you're here." Pearl states.

"No. I want your help to save Lazuli and myself – and all of Homeworld really, this plan will result in thousands of deaths – from this scheme. If we succeed, we'll be able to get 'Steven' back to Earth in a spaceship. If you take the spaceship now, Lazuli will perish. It's your choice."

"What happens if we don't help and this plan works?" Garnet asks.

"I wasn't told. I thought that White Diamond was hiding something from me when she told me this. I have a feeling that she wants to share power with no other, and that Lazuli and I would be potential threats. It wouldn't be good for anyone." I state.

"How do we know that you aren't just asking for help for yourself; that you wouldn't have come to us if you weren't at risk?" Pearl asks, glaring at me.

"Do you really think that I don't care for Lazuli at all? Not even after all this time spent fused together?" I yell.

"I'm surprised that you care for anyone at all, honestly." Pearl mutters.

"I still have feelings, you know. I know that I've messed up in the past, but I'm trying to make it right now!" I yell.

"Yeah, you have messed up in the past. We all saw it. How can you hurt someone so badly and then expect them to not hate you?" Peridot responds.

"I'm not proud of what I've done, but at least I'm trying to fix it! I'm surprised Lazuli ever let you see it at all, actually!" I yell back.

They all look very uncomfortable at this.

"She didn't let you, did she? You did it without asking. Isn't that immoral or something like that?" I ask.

"We had a reason, and we saw what we needed to." Pearl weakly states.

I raise an eyebrow. "You haven't treated her very well either."

Pearl merely blushes.

"And where is she now? In the middle of space, being forced to accept her sorry fate. And you just stand here, taking your good old time deciding whether or not you're going to help her." I continue.

"It's a serious decision that we must dis-" Pearl begins.

"You're really letting me down here. I expected better from you." I interrupt.

"This isn't just something we can-"

"The Crystal Gems, guardians of the Earth, are too afraid to save their friend from destruction."

"Could you just-"

"What a shame. I actually thought you were supposed to be the heroes or something."

"We _are_ the-"

"But I guess you're just cowards."

"We're ten times braver than-"

"I guess I'll just have to go and do everything myself."

"Could someone stop her from interrupti-"

"And since I'm a villain, I guess both your friend and I will be doomed."

"Please, someone, just-"

"Pity."

Pearl glares at me. I smirk back at her.

"Yes, Pearl?"

"Are you finished, Jasper?"

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Finally."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Amethyst is grinning from beside Pearl, who is trying very hard to ignore her.

I raise my eyebrow.

"So, are you coming with me?" I ask.

Pearl glances at Garnet, who nods.

"Let's go."

Lapis: The cell door finally opens.

"We've arrived on Homeworld." The Peridot tells me.

Every time I see her, I think of the Peridot I know so well.

I walk down the hallway, taking turns left and right. Finally, we reach the exit to the ship. I look out from the doorway, and realize once again that Homeworld isn't the place I knew anymore.

One of the Peridots on the ship pushes me out of the door. I spin around, furious.

"Don't touch me." I growl.

She shrugs. "You weren't moving. Someone had to do something."

"You can't just boss me around."

"You're lucky that your gem is of such a high rank, or I imagine that you'd have been shattered long ago for your attitude."

I roll my eyes and follow her to the nearest warp pad. She gestures to it sarcastically.

"Looks like we've finally made it all this way. Was it really that hard to walk here? Should I roll out a red carpet?"

"Yeah that would be nice."

"Maybe if you had one, you'd be quicker to leave."

"Luckily for you, I'm already gone."

I warped away.

Jasper: I set the ship on autopilot and then sit down in the middle of the floor of the ruby spaceship with the others. Our ride will only take a few minutes, so we have no time to waste.

"So, Jasper, do you have a plan?" Pearl asks.

I shrug. "I have half of a plan. It's good enough."

Pearl starts to give me a cutting response, but Garnet puts her hand on the pale gem's shoulder.

"Go on."

"We have Sapphire tell White Diamond that she foresaw her plan in the future and that it ends up in her death. Meanwhile, the rest of us will go and break Lazuli out of jail. Simple."

The gems glance at each other.

"It seems so simple." Peridot murmurs.

"I can't think of a better plan." Pearl says.

"Then let's do it." Garnet replies.

Just then, I hear the signal beep coming from the space craft telling us that we're landing.

When the ship is secure, I open the door. Everyone has shapeshifted into their various disguises, and we're ready to go.

But what we didn't plan for were the two Amethyst guards standing outside our door.

"Welcome back, soldier. White Diamond awaits you." One of them said, beckoning to me.

I gulped and followed her. Our group had been separated. The plan had already failed.

Lapis: Once I'd arrived on Homeworld, the Peridots had tried to take me to White Diamond. I'd had other thoughts in mind, though, and so I tried to escape. No such luck. After they'd caught me, a smaller gem had put shackles on my wrists. That didn't remind me of Malachite _at all_.

Then I'd been taken to see White Diamond, which as you may have guessed, did not turn out well. Being told that I'd have to fuse with Jasper again wasn't exactly a selling point to her argument. I was still in her court, when suddenly,

"Ah! Jasper. So good to see you've finally rejoined us. Now tell me, did you find Rose Quartz?" White Diamond said.

I spun around to find Jasper walking towards us. I looked her in the eyes, terrified. She merely shook her head.

"Rose Quartz was shattered long ago. Her troops still remain on Earth. It'll only be the three of us here today, my Diamond." Jasper proclaimed.

I let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't betrayed Steven.

"Very well. You all know the plan now. It's time to end the Diamond's tyranny once and for all." White Diamond told us.

I shook my head. "I refuse. I'll never fuse with you." I yelled.

White Diamond only smiled. "Now, now. I'm sure we can come to an agreement. I know that your friends are here. It would be a shame if something were to… happen to them."

I froze. How had the Crystal Gems gotten here? I remember what Jasper had told me in our dream. She had been planning to talk with them. I shot a look at her to find that she had the same panicked glance on her face.

"And what if you punished me instead?" I ask. I'd rather take the pain for them than let them get hurt because I was scared.

White Diamond glared down at me. "We'll do the same thing we did last time you rebelled. A full gem polish."

I gulped, thinking of the mirror they'd once kept me in. "And that is?"

"It's a way of eradicating your memories."

Her words sunk in.

"You said you did this to me before."

"Yes."

"When?"

"It was a last resort. Your loyalties were uncertain during the war with Earth. The other Diamonds thought that it would be a nice way to remove any thoughts of rebellion."

"But I still remember things long before the war." I say, thinking of all those I've shattered.

"Fake memories, meant to sway your mind to Homeworld's side."

It hadn't been real. None of it.

My first real memories had been of the mirror.

Tears threaten my eyes but I beat them beat.

"You're despicable. All of you."

"You will obey me. Fuse with us, Lazuli."

I look over at Jasper and see only pity on her face. I wonder if she knew.

"I hate you." I say, holding my hand out.

White Diamond grins.

The three of us begin to fuse.


End file.
